Forget None of This

I have given up on humanity. Everywhere I turn, I see evil. Lies reign over truth. People seek to use one another, all for selfish gain. Even a so-called “act of kindness” is rooted into pride and greed. We destroy ourselves. I wouldn’t be surprised if we accidentally wiped ourselves out, we seem to be doing that a lot with any other species. That’s why I’m giving up. Not one single person is good. Not a single soul. I’ve searched everywhere. For just one person, one person who was pure of heart. I guess that sort of person doesn’t exist.

***

I watched as a person stood in the middle of a crowd. He stands there preaching about some truth. His truth.

“Jesus died on the cross for you. He was an innocent; perfect man and he chose to die on the cross to deliver us from our sins.”

I laughed. Obviously, this man was lying. There was no such thing as a perfect man and even if there were he wouldn’t die for someone like me. I don’t even think he’d die for any worse man than me. Some of the crowd ate up his words, while others spoke out to speak holes through his so-called truth.

“If Jesus died for me, why can’t I do whatever I want? I’m never going to be perfect, so what’s the point of trying?” A woman asked.

“That’s a good question,” He said, “I’m going to give you an example. Say your clothes are dirty, you don’t ever wash them, they just keep getting dirty and dirtier, but only your clothes get dirty. Now someone offers you a solution. Maybe it’s money for the laundromat or perhaps an offer of new clothes. If you decide to walk away from them and say no I like my dirty clothes, I am already cleaned. You are not truly clean because your clothes are still dirty, but nobody can force you to take the clean clothes.”

I continued walking and laughed at the old man. Tsk. A perfect man. Tsk. Clean and dirty laundry. What a bunch of baloney.

***

I counted the change in my palm. I did not bring enough money with me. Who carries money around nowadays anyways? Tsk. Stupid laundromat. I sighed; I already put my clothes in the washer. Maybe I can just let them dry in the tub.

“Hey, you need extra money for the dryer?”

She sat down next to me and pulled out her wallet. She handed me a couple coins.

“Here you go.”

I looked at suspiciously. Why was she being so nice to me? Maybe she had pity on me. Or maybe she hoped one day I would return the favor. Jokes on her, I won’t be doing that.

“I’m Agnes, by the way. What’s your name?”

“Thomas.”

She flashed a smile at me. That’s when I noticed a pin on her jacket. Oh no, of course she’s one of these people. A Jesus freak. These are one of the worst. They always pretend to be perfect, but I can see right through them.

“Thomas? Like Jesus’ disciple, right?”

His, what? Do I seriously have the same name as a bible character? Tsk. Thanks a lot lady. I probably could’ve gone my whole life without knowing that. The washer beeped at me. I enclosed the few extra coins in my hand and entered everything into the dryer. By the time I sat back down the girl was gone. I was safe. For now.

***

Another crowd. Another boring preacher. Tsk. Probably another Jesus freak. I sat on a park bench and opened up my lunch. I bite into my sandwich. It’s cheap stuff, so it isn’t that good, but it’s fine. A man stands over me.

“Can I sit with you?”

I finish off my sandwich. Tsk. Some nerve this guy has.

“I was just leaving anyway.”

“Thomas, come sit with me.”

I turned to him.

“Do I know you?”

“No, but I know you.”

“Are you a stalker or something?”

He smiled and shook his head. I tried leaving, but there was something about him.

“When your parents died when you were seven, I was there to comfort you,” he began.

My mind fights at me. Half of me wants to run and hide, while the other half wants to stay and listen.

“You were placed in many homes, but none of them were good. Many gave up on you, but Thomas when many turned their faces from you, I did not. When you trusted in bad company, you promised yourself never to open up again. As an adult, you opened up, but many turned their backs on you and so you hid. Thomas when you hid, I was there. Thomas when you thought you were alone, in your apartment, that night when you wanted to end your life. I was there to hold you.”

“But, why? Why me?” My voice trembled.

“Thomas, all you’ve gone through was only meant to strengthen you, not to punish you.”

I turn away, tears blurring my vision. I turned back to see he had disappeared. Though I could no longer see him, I could still feel his presence.

***

I stood in my empty apartment. I looked up at the ceiling and closed my eyes. I still thought of the man I met at the park. I still thought of the man who spoke between dirty and clean laundry.

“God, if you are real, give me one more sign.”

I still wasn’t sure if the man’s reference to laundry was true. That a perfect man took the punishment for thousands, maybe even millions.

***

I sat at the laundromat once again. My clothes drying. I had not been given a sign in days. Maybe I just pushed my luck.

“Thomas, how have you been?”

“Fine thanks.”

Agnes sat next to me. It’s been a while since I last saw her.

“May I give you something?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “Okay.”

She dug in her bag and pulled out a bible.

“I was told to give you this.”

“From who?”

I flipped through the bible.

“What’s the difference between God and Jesus?”

“There isn’t much difference, since Jesus is God’s son. When he came to earth, he was both fully man and fully God.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“I think you’ll find all the answers to your questions in that book. I recommend starting in the New Testament.”

“Thank you.”

She smiled softly and went on her way.

***

I held my bible in hand and looked up to the cross that lay in the center of the stage. Words flew off the page as we recited God’s word.

“Jeremiah 29: 11, For I know the plans for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and hope.”