On the Road to Somewhere

I walk along a deserted freeway with cars sitting bumper-to-bumper, haphazardly abandoned by their former owners. Their contents are strewn across the pavement, covered by an inch of ash that drifts slowly down from the black swirled gray clouds above. I wear an oversized red handkerchief over my face to avoid breathing in the ash and soot that pollutes the air. Lifeless, leafless trees line the interstate. Their branches are black and twisted like the long, boney fingers of a sickly demon reaching out beyond the grave to pluck a child from their darkest dreams. I get off the highway in search of a town where I might scavenge food. I have tried to hunt, but life is scarce. All I can find is already dead and rotten.

I follow the road to a small town. It’s not much of a town, more of a small village that lines the main road. It’s not much more than a post office and a general store with a few houses lining the street like rows of giant skulls with their windows like dark, cavernous eyes, and their open doors like gaping mouths. The houses are empty, save for one where a man sits in the corner of his living room, his head plastered to the wall behind him. A gun lays on the floor next to his chair. I take in the scene for a moment and question whether it makes me a horrible person for no longer feeling any sort of emotion at the sight of such horrible things. I move on to search the house for anything useful, ideally food and water but matches or a lighter would be nice, twenty-two caliber bullets would be great. I am down to three. In the bedroom I find the man’s wife. She is lying in bed with a pillow pressed over her face. Their dog’s corpse lays at her bedside half eaten by the cat that scampers under the bed. In the closet I find a coat that is in much better condition than the one I am wearing. It is not torn and tattered, patched with duct tape like the one I have, but it is too big, so I decide to leave it. Not finding anything else of any use, I head over to the store.

The store windows are broken. Shards of glass crunch beneath my boots as I cautiously enter. It is dark save for the eerie glow from the storefront windows. I wind my way through the empty aisles, hoping to find something that everyone else has left behind. The last aisle where the sign above reads pet food and cleaning supplies dangles by a single wire; I find a few cans of cat food. Desperately hungry, I open one. A smell resembling that of tuna wafts through the air. With dirty, soot-covered fingers, I taste the moist substance. It’s vulgar, but it’s edible, so I sit on the floor and shovel it into my mouth greedily. My only regret is that I have nothing to drink to wash the taste out of my mouth with. Throwing the other cans in my pack, I leave, setting back out on the road.

*

I used to travel with a fellow who was a professing Christian. He told me this was the end of the world as predicted in the Bible. I never took much stock in what the Bible said. To me, biblical prophecy was like all other prophecy where any coincidence could be considered fulfillment because the prophecies were so vague. It was ancient people describing things they had never seen to modern people who were trying to compare those descriptions to things they had seen when those descriptions could have been of things modern people have yet to see. My questions were, were we the first generation to believe we were living during the end-times or did every generation believe they were living in the end-times? At what point does it become a self-fulfilling prophecy? Was nothing done about global warming because everyone expected the world to end differently according to the Bible? Or was everything happening as the Bible foretold because of global warming? I believe that if people want to see those prophecies fulfilled bad enough, their imaginations will find a way to convince them that they are being fulfilled.

*

As I walk, I think back to the day me and my traveling companion were sitting by the fire, enjoying some coffee we had scavenged from a nearby town when a couple men with guns came upon us. The men were out hunting, and me and my companion were at the wrong place at the wrong time. One man knocked my companion unconscious with the butt of his rifle. The other man put a knife to my throat and had his way with me before knocking me out as well.

When I came too, I was lying in bed with my head bandaged. I was sore and my thighs were sticky. I tried to clean myself off with the bed sheet, but it just smeared all over me. I got up and left the room. The hallway was dark, but there was an orange glow from the bottom of the stairs. Down I went into the living room where I find in the dining room, bathed in lantern light, my attackers dining with an older couple.

The old woman told me not to be afraid. She apologized for how her sons treated me. Then the old woman invited me to join them for dinner.

I asked about my companion.

The old man said I could see my companion once I ate something.

The larger of the two sons, the one who had raped me, pulled out a chair for me.

I hesitated, not wanting to be near him.

The old man insisted that I sit and eat.

I did so timidly. A plate was waiting for me, roast with potatoes and carrots, purified water to drink.

As I was eating, the old man asked me how it tasted. I told him it was good, but I would like to see my companion now. The old man grinned slyly and removed the lid off the serving tray to reveal my companion's head; his eyes rolled back in his head and his tongue hanging limply to the side.

I gagged and stood, knocking over my chair as they all laughed. I stumbled to the front door. It was locked with a pad lock. My rapist came up behind me and threw me over his shoulder. He carried me down to the basement where he left me shackled to the wall, fighting my restraints, screaming hysterically in the dark.

*

I wonder if there really is a god. If there is, is he like an abusive lover, always doing horrible things to you, testing you, making sure you will love him no matter what? Or is he a jealous lover who becomes wrathful if not shown enough attention? Or is he the loving father that disciplines his children, so they learn right from wrong? I prefer that idea, but the Bible makes him sound like a father not willing to accept all his children for who they are. And there is the possibility in the back of my mind that there is no god, because the ungodly seem to triumph over the godly which can only be explained by the absence of a god.

*

Two days passed without any food or water before anyone came down those stairs again. On the first night the old woman had come down to inform me that the only reason I was alive was because my rapist wanted me as his wife. The old woman considered the marriage to be consummated. The old woman told me I needed to accept that fact and appreciate they were letting me be a part of the family.

I told her where to go.

But when somebody did come down, it was my rapist carrying a dead body. He strung the man up upside down and bled him out like a deer. He then began skinning him and gutting him. I had to look away. I could not watch it. That’s when I saw it. Shining in the lanternlight, in the crack where the wall meets the floor, just within reach, was a metal rod that looked to be just the right length and thickness for me to get enough leverage to back out the eyelets that are anchoring the chains to the wall. I diverted my gaze away from it immediately, not wanting to draw attention to it.

I waited for hours for the house above me to become quiet and still. Then I stretched my leg towards the metal rod and dragged it to me with my foot, barely getting a toe on it. I used a lot of force. The metal dug into my hand, but I broke the eyelets free of the stone wall.

Quietly, I snuck up the stairs. At the top, I cracked open the door and looked around. I saw and heard nothing. I grabbed a chef’s knife from the butcher’s block on the counter and headed through the dining room into the living room. Off the living room was a bedroom where the old couple was asleep. On the nightstand next to them were the keys and a gun. I went for the keys, but seeing the old man lying there made my blood boil with rage. I was overcome by a flash of heat and light. Before I could stop herself, I was bringing the knife down into his chest. The old man woke with an agonizing scream. The old woman woke in a panic, dazed and confused. I picked up the gun and shot the old woman in the chest.

Hearing the boys upstairs, I went to the stairs and waited. They came down armed. I shot my rapist in the chest and the other man fired back, splintering the doorframe behind me. We exchanged a few frantic shots before I got lucky and shot him in the neck. He dropped his gun and tried to stop the blood from squirting with every beat of his heart. I drew closer and put another bullet is his chest.

*

The man I traveled with always talked about God and the bible, trying to convert me. I hated talking to him about it. I felt like I was indulging a mentally ill person in his delusions. I was brought up to understand diversity, equity, and inclusion, but my parents shied away from the topic of religion. My parents told me the Bible was a book of ancient Jewish laws, history, literature, and some wise teachings, but nothing to revolve my life around. They also told me that Jesus did live thousands of years ago, but they didn’t believe any of the myths or legends surrounding his name. In their opinion, religion was used to control the masses when sound governance was absent, and it did more harm than good. I have read my companion's bible in its entirety to keep myself entertained. I think there is historic and literary significance. I think there are some good teachings. I think some of the teachings are outdated, but overall, they really make a person think on matters of right and wrong. I think that when applied to your life they could make you a better, happier person. However, some of the stories are taken to mythological proportions and, personally, I don’t believe such things.

*

I come to a sign with an arrow that reads: "Whispering Pines Youth Camp.” I have visions of dry bunk houses and warm fireplaces. I rub my pregnant belly and ask my unborn child what it thinks. With a deep breath and a slow release, I decide to turn off the main road and head for the camp. My feet are sore, my back hurts, and I am exceedingly tired. I look forward to a couple days of rest.

As light is fading from the sky, I am stopped by two men standing guard. They search me and take my gun. They search my pack and take the bible. They guide me into the camp where everyone - men, women, and even children - stop what they are doing to watch me being led to a pavilion with a cross on top that must serve as the camp’s church. Five or six men are gathered, talking and laughing. They become silent at my sight. The man at the front of the pavilion waves his hand and everyone leaves. I am taken to him. He is given my belongings.

“Are you a Christian,” he asks, holding up my bible.

“Not really. I mean... I’ve read that book from cover to cover. I’ve applied its teachings to my life. It has helped me cope with things. However, I have difficulty believing the more miraculous details.”

“Do you believe God exists?”

“I don’t know. Part of me wants to. Part of me wants to because I want what he promises, but I know what he thinks of people like me, and I have a hard time believing in a god like that.”

“People like you?”

“I’m gay.”

“I see. Well... I’m sure you’ve heard it said that God’s word never changes, but that doesn’t mean our understanding of God’s word doesn’t change. Take slavery for example. During the biblical era, slavery was a way of life. God allowed it within certain limitations. But as we evolved spiritually, we came to understand the evils of slavery and abolished the practice. The Bible speaks of sexual immorality, not love between like sexes. During the biblical era, people were gratifying themselves with the like sex, even going as far as gratifying themselves with animals, just for the sake of pleasure, sometimes by force, like they do in modern day prisons. In fact, a person can be sexually immoral with the opposite sex. The biblical rule concerning sex is to keep it in a committed relationship. It says preferably marriage, but it doesn’t have to be. So, whether gay or straight, if you believe that Jesus died for your sins, you repent of those sins, and you apply the teachings of the bible to your life, then you will share in God’s promises. It’s something to think about. Come. Walk with me.”

The man takes me to the kitchen and fixes me a steaming bowl of soup that takes the chill from my bones. He tells me that there is a nurse present at the camp and that he will have the nurse look over me after I am rested. He also suggests that I stay there at least until the baby is born. He tells me that they have guards on duty around the clock, so I'll be safe. There are people there who hunt, fish and scavenge, so there are always food and water. He says they have entertainment such as concerts, plays, game nights, dancing, and bible studies. He thinks I will like it here if I decide to stay. I am more than welcome.

*

I once asked my companion why he believed in God. What made him so certain there was a god. His answer was simple. He said he chose to believe. He didn’t know for a fact that anything in the Bible happened, but that is what faith is; believing what you do not know for certain. If someone told you something happened that you did not witness happening, you would believe that person in good faith because you trust that person. It’s the same way with the Bible, or any historic record for that matter. He said he was aware that science had disproved some things and explained others. He admitted that the Bible had been translated and transliterated so many times that some of the original meaning was lost. He realized that except for the epistles and Revelation everything was passed through the generations orally and might be altered from the actual truth. But he felt that the gist was there, and the teachings were righteous. He wanted what God promised and that was salvation and eternal life.

*

The man introduced me to a woman who gave me clean clothes and put me up in a bunk. The two of us spoke briefly. The woman told me that God had led me to them. All I had to do was choose to believe, and I did.