The heart of a storm

It feels so heavy. Everything hurts. Her heart burns, her mind reels, and the small splatters of rain on her body steam with the fire within her. The steady downpour is supposed to soothe her soul. To let her know she isn’t alone. But it’s hard to reach a freshly broken heart. She stands in the rain, rendering her heart to the One who sees, hears, and saves all.

“He doesn’t care about me, and he doesn’t even have the decency to tell me!” she cries, her voice breaking against the rain.

“He’s a Christian, and he uses me. He goes to church more than anyone else, but his been using me. Make that make sense, Lord!”

“Forgive, as you also have been forgiven,” comes the gentle whisper in her heart.

“It hurts that every one of his friend knew that I'm a sidepiece. They all knew, almost the entire semester, and no one bothered to tell me. I pray for all of them, for goodness and mercy to follow them. I thought they were my friends too, but they all know. I wouldn’t wish the same on any of them,” she wails, her sobs blending with the storm.

“I am close to the broken-hearted, and I save those who are crushed in spirit. Lean on Me, beloved.”

“Why, Lord? I love him, and he is only using me. He is cheating on his girlfriend with me, Lord. I’ve become a thorn in some other girl’s life. I believe him when he tells me I’m the only one, even though he won’t commit. I’ve made a fool of myself in front of everyone.”

“Give yourself grace, child, and forgive yourself, for I forgive and love you.”

“How will that solve anything?” she whispers bitterly.

“I’m ruined already. I’ve been nice and good to those around me. I don’t wish anything bad on anyone. Where has that gotten me, Lord? Nowhere. Now I’ve been used and abused by someone who calls upon Your name. A guy who knows You and serves You.

Make him pay!” A dark voice sounds

“Beloved, it is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time, their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near, and their doom will rush upon them.”

“Yes! How dare he use me and expect no repercussions? He takes all my kindness for weakness. All my love, and leaves me with a broken heart. I will make him feel the pain he causes me, even if it kills me!”

The boarding house where he stays is close by. Yes, she can walk there and give him hell. The small, still gentle voice becomes thunder in her heart as the rain illuminates the night, warning her of the storm brewing within. But the deceiver has taken her unyielding anger and made it her identity. She burns with a passion for vengeance.

“Peace I give you, My peace I leave you—not as the world gives. Let not your heart be troubled; let it not be afraid.”

"He uses you, and he doesn’t even buy you flowers. He makes a fool out of you. Him and your so-called friends. Haven’t you seen them giving you side glances and giggling to themselves? Derek causes all that, so make him pay,” the dark voice of anger demands.

The rain pours on, flooding her path. Yet still, she treads forward, led by an insatiable anger, shame, and self-pity that can only be quenched by the destruction of the man who has rendered her body, heart, and soul.

Meanwhile, Derek sits in his room, unaware of the storm headed his way. Tanaka has found out she is just a sidepiece. Kimberly shouldn’t have told her; that is his place. Derek knows she will come, throw a tantrum, and then he will be done with her. It is always easy to manipulate Tanaka. Remaining silent always works. She’ll look like the crazy one in the end. The semester is almost over, and he has no need for her services anymore. He decides he will deal with her the way he always does.

“Apologize,” a voice whispers in his mind.

“What for? She doesn’t deserve an apology. It’s not like she didn’t enjoy the intimate moments we shared. Let those memories console her,” he thinks coldly.

And, as if on cue, there is a pounding on the door. “Let’s get this over with,” he mutters as he opens the door to find a soaked, red-eyed Tanaka.

Figures. She storms into his room with vigour, running her mouth about how he hurt her—blah, blah, blah. As practiced, Derek takes his position on his bed, holding his tongue and stares blankly at her.

“Get up and apologize,” the voice urges again.

"Apologize? For what? Remember, she once denounced you as a man because you didn’t buy her flowers. Let her hurt; she’ll heal," the dark voice chastised.

Exactly. Besides, I didn’t force her to do anything she didn’t also want to do. She’s crying now, with snot and everything, making noise, and it’s late at night. It’s starting to get embarrassing. She’ll wake everyone up. At this point, she needs to leave.

“Just apologize"

"Tell her to go beacause you need to read," the voice instigated

“Tanaka, exams are two weeks from now. I need to study, and so does everyone else in this house. I didn’t force you to be with me, nor did I demand that you love me. That was your choice. Now go and cry a river somewhere else,” he says coldly.

"Excellent!" The voice beams

Tanaka stops her outbursts and stares at Derek. All hope for even a sliver of remorse from him is gone. She breaks. Her eyes scan the room until they land on a knife. Grabbing it, she screams, “I will tell your girlfriend that you cheated on her with me! I will tell her that for the entire semester, you were laying with me!”

Derek freezes. Fear creeps in as he realizes she might actually harm herself or him. He lunges for the knife, trying to pry it from her hands.

She shoves him away, her strength fuelled by rage. Derek braces himself for the onslaught, shielding his face with his arms.

Then, he hears a shriek. Lowering his guard, he sees Tanaka clutching her side, blood seeping through her fingers. She has stabbed herself.

“Help! Somebody help me?"

"Somebody save me," she cries, her voice echoing through the boarding house.

Derek stands there, stunned. “Save her? From what? Herself?”

“From you. Run for it,” the voice urges.

The sound of his housemates stirring jolts him into action.Without a second thought, Derek dashes out the door, past the frantichousemates rushing to Tanaka’s aid, and disappears into the stormy night.

Help comes for Tanaka, but she has lost a significant amountof blood. As she drifts in and out of consciousness, one thought burns in her mind. She will be the storm that breaks the body, spirit, and soul of the man she loves—a man who has first broken her.

“He stabbed me because I threatened to tell his girlfriend about us," she whispers and falls asleep