Good Upstanding Citizens

Emily was by all accounts a typical suburban housewife, that is until she picked up the wrong diaper bag at her local playground. She did not even notice the mistake with how hectic the twins were, until Kai needed a diaper change at the grocery store 10 minutes down the road. Emily realized two things at once: there were no diapers because this was not the twins diaper bag and she was now the proud owner of a bag full of opiods, weed, and a copious amount of cocaine.

Now any good upstanding citizen would immediately take this bag to the police. But Emily hesitated. See Emily was a particularly good citizen but it was the upstanding part she struggled with. She had always viewed life through rose tinted glasses but lately life had been less than kind to her and her family. Being a stay at home mom was a thankless job, unless you counted slobbery kisses from 2 toddlers. Her husband was never home and had recently had been denied his annual pay raise again, even though they increased his hours working on salary. And Emily was still wearing clothes she had gotten as hand me downs in high school. Her family needed a break and this seemed to be their ticket.

After a week of sitting on the aforementioned drugs, Emily felt confident that whoever had lost them had also lost interest. So late one night she worked out a spreadsheet, taking an inventory of the products and making tentative prices for them. And in a moment of genius mapped out all the parks in a twenty five mile radius. She would go to these parks with her twins every Friday for two consecutive weeks, noting the families and their routines.

On the third week, Emily noticed a particularly stressed mom juggling 5 kids. So when that mom had a moment of quiet in the park, Emily sat beside her and struck up a conversation. They talked about their kids, their husband's, the HOA's. They laughed about how their lives took a turn and how they both had to put their dreams on hold for a bit.

They both sat somber in that thought for a while.

Then Emily made her move. She explained her business idea. Mom's are an integral part of society but are often overlooked as caregivers. No one looks twice at what a mom sales at the PTA baking fundraiser, unless god forbid the cookies have peanuts in them. No one notices a generous mother bringing a home warming gift or Tupperware to a neighbor. A mother makes for the drug dealer. The mother of 5 stared at her in disbelief. All the while her mind spinning away with the trip to Bermuda she has always wanted but could never afford. She didn't even have to say yes, Emily already knew.

After 4 more recruits, Emily divided up the product. She made weed brownies, packed cocaine in baby formula containers, and used her cricket to cut out pharmacy labels for orange pill bottles she bought off of etsy. And then her MLM drug empire took off in what seemed like an overnight success.

She had thought of everything…but the dealer she had accidently stolen from. So when a strange man pounded on her door at two in the morning. She and her husband, Jack, were a little caught off guard.

The dealer, who was reasonably upset, started shouting obscenities and waving his gun around before pushing through them both into the house. He kept screaming "you screwed me over, I need payment for the drugs you took.” To the other's astonishment, both Jack and Emily yelled “I'm sorry!”

Everything seemed to pause. Jack looked at Emily, mouth agape as he said “wait what?”, at the same time that Emily looked at Jack and said “you're sorry?”

It seemed Jack was by all accounts a typical suburban husband…that was until he was bypassed his annual raise for the first time and was offered a line of coke at the employee appreciation barbecue. By none other than the part time drug dealer/part time cubical worker, Gary. Jack was a good man, not an upstanding one, and would never turn down a gift.

And so began Jack's illustrious affair with cocaine….and his resulting financial issues. Which brings us to Gary (probably not his real name), the drug dealer now standing in their house at two in the morning.

Emily should have felt relieved that she was not the only non-upstanding individual in the house but now she had two men looking for an explanation for why she was sorry. So Emily told them.

She started slow and unsure from the very beginning. About how it was a mistake. That the diaper bag and the drug bag were the same color. But as she continued Emily gained speed and excitement as she explained her organization skills. She showed them the spreadsheets and the call lists of all of the moms in her employee. She showed them the number breakdown and profit margins via powerpoint. She was so happy to share this with her husband…and Gary.

That is until she saw the gleam in the two men's eyes. Emily knew that look. It was the same look Sharon got when she found brand name items at thrift stores. They were really about to take her idea and make it their own. Emily couldn't trust them, not with the ladies who worked for her or the children they supported with their new income. The only issue she had now was the drugs were running out.

But it was either let these two men take over what she built from the ground up or she could improvise. Drugs couldn't be that hard to make, right?

To say Emily spiraled into insanity would be an insult to her character. She was a go-getter. Emily dove head first.

Backed into a corner she made the only logical decision she could make that night. The men had to go. Yes, she would miss Jack but it wasn't like he was around that much anyway. Plus the coke addiction really explained why they never had any money for bills…or the kids! And Gary was…well Gary. Everyone knows you don't go to someone's house at two am and threaten the homeowners with obscenities. For God sake the ring camera caught him yelling about cocaine.

No wonder the police thought Gary was killed after breaking and entering by Jack. He was just protecting his home in self defense. But it is quite a shame that Jack took a fatal gunshot wound to the chest in the process. Oh well. Thank God for that emergency call list and mom's who know how to scrub out blood stains though.

Now what is a stay at home widow with two children to raise supposed to do? Quit her only stable form of income because it led to a little murder. No. Emily had a taste of who she could be, and she couldn't go back. After all, she had a business to run.