I had been playing both sides for three years.
I was tired. I was so tired. Tired of the lies, tired of the masks, tired of waking up every morning and deciding which version of myself I was going to be. I had told myself I was doing it for the greater good—feeding information to both sides, keeping the balance, preventing the war.
I was lying to myself. I wasn't preventing anything. I was prolonging the conflict, keeping both sides weak, making sure no one won.
And now I had to choose.
The extraction window was midnight. At midnight, a team would arrive to pull my handler, Cole, out of the building where he was being held. But the team wasn't from his side. It was from the other side. They were coming to kill him.
And it was my fault. I had told them where he was.
They had captured him at 10:00 AM. They had been interrogating him for thirteen hours. He hadn't given them anything. He was still alive because he was still useful. But his usefulness was running out.
I looked at the clock. 11:03 PM.
If I saved him, I would burn everything. My cover, my career, my life. There would be no going back.
If I let him die, I would lose the only person who knew who I really was.
I stood up. I made a decision. But it wasn't the one he would have chosen.
---
The building was quiet at this hour. I walked through the corridors with the practiced ease of someone who belonged. I nodded at the guards. I smiled at the administrators. I had spent three years building this familiarity. I was using it now.
The door to the interrogation room was guarded by two men I knew by name. They trusted me because I had earned it.
I said: "I need to see the prisoner."
One of them said: "It's late."
I said: "The Director wants an update."
He opened the door.
---
He was on the floor. They had beaten him, but they had not broken him.
He looked up when I came in. His face was swollen, his eyes were half-closed, but he recognized me. I saw the relief in his posture.
I said: "Leave us."
The guards left.
I crossed the room and knelt beside him. I said: "I'm getting you out."
He said: "You'll burn everything."
I said: "I know."
He said: "The mission—"
I said: "The mission is you."
He looked at me. He said: "I'm not worth that."
I said: "You are to me."
I pulled out the key I had taken from the guard's belt. I unlocked the restraints. I helped him to his feet.
He said: "How do we get out?"
I said: "Follow me."
---
We moved through the corridors like shadows. I knew the building better than anyone. I had built this escape route in my head a hundred times, never knowing if I would use it.
We reached the service exit at the end of the west corridor. I opened the door. The alley was dark and empty.
I said: "There's a car at the end of the alley. Keys are under the mat."
He said: "What about you?"
I said: "I'm right behind you."
He said: "You're not coming."
I said: "I have to make sure they don't follow."
He said: "Anya—"
I said: "Go. I'll find you."
He looked at me for a long moment. He knew I was lying. I knew he knew. But there was no time for the truth.
He went.
I watched him reach the car. I watched him get in. I watched him drive away.
Then I turned and walked back into the building.
---
I walked to the Director's office. Volkov was the one who had captured Cole. He was the one who trusted me because he thought I was working for him.
I knocked. He said: "Come in."
I opened the door. He looked up from his desk. He said: "You're supposed to be in the interrogation room."
I said: "I was. I let him go."
He stood up. He said: "You've been in this organization for three years."
I said: "I've been working for both sides for three years. But I've made my choice."
He reached for his weapon. I reached for mine first.
I said: "I'm not going to kill you. I'm going to walk out of here. And you're going to let me."
He said: "Why would I do that?"
I said: "Because if you don't, I'll release everything I know about this organization. Every name, every location, every transaction. I've been building the file for three years."
He said: "And the other side?"
I said: "I'll release everything I know about them too. I'll burn both sides."
He said: "You'll have nowhere to go."
I said: "I know."
---
There was a moment—just a moment—where I could have turned back.
I could have stayed. I could have continued playing both sides, telling myself I was keeping the peace. I could have gone back to the life I had built, the lies I had perfected.
But I had made my choice. And some choices can't be undone.
I walked out of his office. I walked down the corridor. I walked past the guards I had known for three years, the people who trusted me, the life I had built.
I walked out the front door.
I walked into the night.
---
I didn't go to Cole.
Not immediately. I needed to think. I needed to understand what I had just done.
I had burned everything. I had chosen him over the mission, over the life I had built, over the person I had been pretending to be.
But I had also chosen something else. I had chosen the truth. I had chosen to stop pretending.
I found a bench. I sat down. I looked at the sky. It was the same sky I had looked at every night for three years. It looked the same. But everything was different.
I thought: was it worth it?
I thought: yes.
I thought: I would do it again.
---
Three days later, I found him.
He was in a safe house on the other side of the city. He opened the door. He looked at me. He said: "You're alive."
I said: "I told you I would find you."
He pulled me inside. He closed the door behind me.
He said: "You burned everything."
I said: "I know."
He said: "Everything you built. Everything you worked for."
I said: "I know."
He said: "Why?"
I looked at him. I said: "Because you were worth more than everything I built. Because you were worth more than the mission. Because you were worth more than the life I was pretending to have."
He was quiet for a long moment. He said: "I don't deserve that."
I said: "You don't get to decide what I choose."
He said: "What happens now?"
I said: "I don't know. But I figured out one thing."
He said: "What?"
I said: "I'm not going to pretend anymore."
He said: "Neither am I."
I stepped closer. I put my hand on his face.
I said: "There's no going back now."
He said: "I know."
I said: "Are you okay with that?"
He said: "I'm okay with anything as long as you're here."
We stood in the safe house, two people who had burned their bridges, who had chosen each other over everything else, who had nothing left except the promise they had made.
I said: "I love you."
He said: "I love you too."
I kissed him. He kissed me back.
---
We disappeared that night.
We left the city. We left the country. We left everything we had ever known.
We didn't have a plan. We didn't have a destination. We just had each other.
I had spent three years pretending to be someone else. I had spent three years playing both sides. I had spent three years burning bridges one by one.
Now I had burned the last one.
I had chosen him. I had chosen the truth. I had chosen to stop pretending.
And for the first time in three years, I knew exactly who I was.
The decision couldn't be undone.
I didn't want it to be.
---
There is one thing I never told him. One thing I will never tell him.
I wasn't just a double agent. I was never supposed to save him. My orders, from the very beginning, were to let him die. To let the mission fail. To let the war begin.
But I had made a different choice. A choice that couldn't be undone.
I chose him instead.
And I would do it again. Every time.
---
THE END
You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.