His Desire

I've had the urge ever since I can remember. To maime, kill, and torture. Complete strangers I pass on the street spring into my mind as brutally injured and close to dead by my own hand. I have accepted these images as a part of my life. Gave myself a perfectly normal life with an associate degree and a girlfriend of four years. Then they started getting worse.

The visions started becoming more then images on one random Tuesday. They became series of impossible imaged. Gnarled and broken bloody limbs mixed with disemboweled stomaches. Muscle and bone too misplaced and visible. I dry heaved after coming out of the first trance. I couldn't stand blood. The thought of actually completing these acts made me more than woozy. I fainted when someone cut themselves too badly.

So when they turned into proper video visions, moving and pulsating bodies, it was too much for me. I ended up puking in a dumpster that first day.

The second day I was more prepared. The sheen of blood from that one light in my basement. The squelch of internal organs still working and forcefully exposed to air. The gurgling moans of pain and death. I still almost vomitted but I kept it down this time.

It just kept getting worse. Longer blackout visions, more details exposed. All about perfect strangers I passed. I wished I had a car but a second car was unnecessary when I could walk to work. My girlfriend had hers which she commuted with everyday. I asked if I could drop her off, claiming that I wanted to go to lunch with my coworkers. After that I said I wanted to grab Chinese for us across town, then forgot it on my way home.

Obviously she noticed something was wrong. On the 9th day she confronted me. She was concerned about my mental health. Suggested counseling or stronger meds from my doctor. I shot both of these down saying I was fine, that I might need to quit coffee. It was making me too jittery and anxious. She gave me a look that said 'I don't believe you but I'll drop it.' She took her car back the next day. I was back to having to walk. I started wearing a ball cap. Trying to block out other people to stay present and get to work on time.

This worked for a couple days. Then on the eleventh day, I locked eyes with a girl. No more than seventeen, brunette, tall and beautiful. Suddenly I saw her splayed out in my basement. Spread eagle with her innards spilling out of her like streamers. Her hands and feet nailed to a BDSM x-cross that my girlfriend had wanted to try but ended up getting too scared of after it showed up at the house and I put it together. It was purple and currently rotting in my basement.

That was the last straw. I sprinted home and called out of work, claiming the flu. I decided to stay home until the visions settled down. They didn't.

As I was sitting at home the next day, they started coming. Without seeing another soul, they came. This time with a voice. So quiet I could barely hear it at first.

"This is His desire. You must fulfill it."

Over and over it spoke. It got slightly louder over the next six hours. Until the minute my girlfriend walked in the door and everything stopped.

She looked spooked to see me so frazzled from seemingly nothing. I brushed her off as best I could, offering to cook her dinner. She looked uneasy but agreed and went to shower. Without the voice and the images, I made an amazing cheesy pasta dish. I presented it to her as she came out of the bathroom. Her face lit up as she smelled the aroma eminating from the dish. As our eyes met, I saw her stabbed many times on our bed. I dropped the casserole dish. Shattering it between our feet. Her face was in shock as we noticed one of the pieces had pierced her bare foot. We watched as a tiny pool of blood started gathering at the incision. I felt my knees weaken and I apologized profusely and quickly before sprinting to the kitchen for paper towels and a paper bag.

By the time I got back, she had her foot bandaged. Well aware of my fear of blood. She helped me pick up our dinner in silence and then ordered a delivery pizza. We didn't speak another word until we were in bed with the lights off. She asked me why I dropped the casserole. I didn't know what to tell her, I couldn't explain what I actually saw so I said that I thought I forgot to turn off the oven.

We didn't speak on the thirteenth day. Which was easy because she was working overtime and I had called out again because I didn't want to make the visions worse. The voice got louder, repeating its mantra for hours.

"This is His desire. You must fulfill it."

I kept getting flashes of my wonderful girlfriend sprawled out on our bed, stabbed, strangled and beaten. Then in one vision I disemboweled her. I threw up all over the living room floor. I didn't know how to make this stop. Then I heard the voice say something different.

"You know how to make it stop"

I cried out that I didn't, then I got the same vision again. I said I couldn't, that I loved her, I had a ring. I was going to propose next month on her birthday. The voice didn't care.

"You know how to make it stop" It repeated.

I didn't know what else to do other than avoid her like the plague. She was getting really worried now. Kept trying to talk to me, but everytime our eyes locked all I could see was her dead by my own hand. This continued for three days. On the third day she came home to me in a panic on the living room floor. The voice had begun screaming over the past two days. Louder and louder. Till I could hear nothing else. I needed it to stop. Somehow I already had the knife in my hand when she came over. Out of pure desperation, I drew the knife and plunged it into her tender neck. The neck I had nuzzled so many times. That smelled like her strawberry shampoo and now oozed the same color of the berry she loved. She stumbled back shocked, with the knife still in her neck. I came towards her, leading her backwards towards our bedroom. She tried to cry our but the knife must've hindered her vocal chords. As we came into the room I got close enough to take the knife out. Then I placed my hands around her neck, trying to stop the bleeding and her breathing simultaneously. Neither worked. So I drew the knife back again and drove it into her stomach. The motion pushed her into the bed. I drew it out of her stomach and stabbed her again and again. Until it looked just like the picture. The I started to gut her. She looked perfect. The deed was done. He was pleased. The voice spoke,

"You have done well. He will ask for another soon."

I didn't know if I could do this again but it made the visions stop. The voice didn't speak again either. I also couldn't deny the fact that it felt good to kill her. It felt really good actually. I had renewed strength and my mind felt clearer than it ever had. I think I could do this again. If He called on me, I would be there. I'll do it just like the picture, just like He wants. That way He'll let my mind be cleared of visions and let me keep this overwhelming strength I now possess. Yes, I think this will do quite nicely for my life. Who needs normal anyway.