Prayer Circle

“Alright everybody, we are going to close with our prayer circle,” Geoff the youth pastor said and turned off the overhead lights to bring down the energy in the room. It felt weird how light it was outside this late in the evening. It felt like throughout the entire school year, it was pitch black outside every time we came.

The group gathered in a circle in the center of the room as they pushed aside the chairs. I reached for Cassie’s hand, and she squeezed it hard, then looked up at me and smirked. Across the circle, Julius and Zak elbowed each other as they struggled to settle in. Laura elbowed Julius even harder to end their horseplay.

“Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing these seven wonderful high school seniors ‌here tonight,” Geoff began.

“Whoop whoop,” Zak blurted out as a reflex to the term ‘high school seniors.’ Geoff glanced at him and gave a contradicting smile, then mouthed‌, “stop.”

He continued. “We ask that you continue to protect them from the negativity in this world and give them the strength to stand firm in their faith. Grant them the courage to make wise decisions as they finish their last handful of weeks of high school and freedom from the external stressors on them. Please walk with them on their journey as they finish high school and enter their next stage in this beautiful world you have provided.”

Thea echoed, “It’s so beautiful, Father God.”

Geoff looked around the circle. “Now we will go around and for anyone feeling in their hearts something they want to pray for aloud, may do so at this time,” he said as an offer, but it always felt like more of a suggestion as each person prayed for something around the circle. I felt judged the one time I had said “pass,” so I always had a prayer in the hopper.

Laura started ‌her prayer without hesitation. “Tonight I just want to pray for my dad and that his leg heals up good as new.”

Thea echoed, “Please God, please heal Laura’s dad’s leg so he can dance in this world just as he will in heaven one day.”

Julius prayed next, “Hey God, uh please give some extra strength this week for the baseball team, as they’ve got a couple of tough games coming up.”

“Yeah, God, um. They can’t fall behind in the standings, so if you could just give them an extra dose of strength,” Zak added on to Julius’s prayer.

Shanice took a moment. “Tonight I’d like to pray for.”

“Remember, we need to just pray as the thought flows through us. We don’t need to say that we’d like to pray, just do so,” Thea added in her condescending way.

“Tonight I pray for those involved in the car accident yesterday over on Hill Avenue. It was pretty scary seeing the whole thing happen,” she revised. “I had never seen the Jaws of Life before.”

Cassie let go of my hand and gave her a quick hug. The group gave them a moment.

“And their families,” Shanice added. “All those affected by that accident. I hope God is with them today.”

Cassie took my hand back and added her prayer. “God please watch over my new nephew. He will be three weeks old tomorrow.”

“Please watch over Cassie’s nephew, God,” Thea added.

Cassie squeezed my hand, signaling her annoyance with Thea. She made a habit of getting the last word in, even in prayer.

“God, tonight I pray for my grandparents and their safe travel home from San Antonio. It’s a long drive for them in their motorhome,” I said.

“Please God, keep Bryan’s grandparents safe on their adventures and just be present with them,” Thea added. “They mean so much to him, and I know he’s been worried.”

I squeezed Cassie’s hand just as she had mine. Thea’s added comments were increasingly obnoxious each time.

Geoff prayed next. “God tonight I pray once more for this group in their last weeks of school. These wonderful people I’ve watched grow this year, I ask that you continue to walk with them as their lives change at such a rapid pace. Thea?”

She took a breath as if she were preparing to give a speech. “Father God, you and I are both burdened with the knowledge of something I feel compelled to share with this group and ‌seek your forgiveness on their behalf.”

The group looked at each other, confused.

“When we started coming to this youth group as underclassmen, we made a contract with each other and signed it, as you all remember,” she said, making eye contact with each person around the circle. “We all agreed that we would not use any alcohol or drugs. We agreed we’d always share God’s light with those we meet.”

“I remember that,” Julius said, chuckling.

“This is a serious matter,” she said. “We agreed we wouldn’t steal or commit any crimes, and we agreed we wouldn’t engage in premarital sexual behaviors.”

I looked over and saw Cassie’s eyes widen.

“As you know, Bryan and I live across a pond from each other and by God’s will, he led me outside in the yard with my dog Friday night.”

I squeezed Cassie’s hand. I feared where this was going.

“For some reason, God steered my eyes toward Bryan’s house, and I witnessed Bryan and Cassie having intercourse in his bedroom window.” Thea looked at each person around the circle, hoping to cause a reaction. “But we must remember we also agreed that if we ever break the contract, even though we swore not to, we’d seek forgiveness from God.”

“What the fuck,” I whispered to Cassie. I didn’t care that I was in church. This called for audible cursing.

Cassie turned red and fought back a tear.

Thea nearly smiled but recovered her composure, then locked eyes with me and winked. She shut her eyes and tilted her head down towards the center of the circle and continued. “God I ask that you are with Bryan and Cassie after their mistake and that you forgive them.”

“For all these prayers and those left unspoken, Amen,” Geoff quickly finished the prayer. The awkwardness was thick in the room. Everybody kept looking at us, then looking away.

“I’m sorry,” I said to Cassie. “I don’t know why she did that.”

“She’s a psycho,” she said. “I want to curl up in a ball and scream. I just can’t right now.”

“Want to get ice cream?” I asked.

“No, not tonight,” Cassie said as she rushed toward the door. “I’m going home. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Cassie left with the rest. The group quickly dwindled. Zak walked by and whispered in my ear. “Nice.”

I didn’t react to Zak. I was too angry about Thea airing my business, but I certainly didn’t regret my night with Cassie.

“Are you OK?” Geoff asked. I didn’t see him approach.

“I guess I don’t know,” I said. “I’m not sure how to feel.”

“I’m not sure why she did that,” Geoff said. “But don’t let it get to you. God loves you just the same. I don’t think God takes a moral contract activity a bunch of high school freshmen created too seriously. You and I both know what kind of person you actually are, that’s the important part.”

Everybody left the church, and Geoff locked the doors. I opened my car door and slid in. I felt defeated.

Thea’s car pulled up next to me, facing the opposite direction so our faces were close. “Hey,” she said simply.

I looked at her with a blank look. “Why did you do that?”

Thea ignored my question. “I left a pretty full box of condoms at your house last time I was there. If you didn’t use them all up with her, I could come over and we could have a night like we used to.”