Let's Build A Snow Angel

Christmas Eve, you thought as you sort through the numerous junk mails you got, was much better than Christmas.

Sorting the coupons from your favorite local restaurant just two streets down, a steaming cup of hot chocolate warmed your palms and as you take a little sip, the heat leaves a warm, cozy feeling through your chest and eventually your whole body.

Drinking hot chocolate, crossed legged on the floor by the fireplace as you sort through mails while the snow fluttered down into a world of white outside was a tradition you'd subconsciously developed over the past 10 years. A tradition formed out of a lost promise and a yearning heart.

Hope had been lost over the years but you kept on, not expecting anything but still hoping your lack of hope would be proved wrong one day.

I will write on a Christmas Eve, our favorite time of the year. I promise, Savannah.

It's been 12 years since that promise and although you still felt the built up betrayal and intense dislike running through you, you still find yourself bringing and sorting through the mails on Christmas Eves.

A little pit-patter of footsteps on the rugged floor took your attention away from the mails and to Levi, your 4 year old son hugging a huge midnight blue blanket to his chest and staring at you determinedly as he approached.

"Mummy, the short hand is on 8 and long hand on 12!!" He informed you, releasing the contents of his hand on the floor beside you. "You said daddy would come back when the short hand is on 8 and long hand on 12."

There was an fleeting accusing look on his face as he tried his best to spread out the blanket evenly but gave up half way, plopping down beside you and peering at your mails.

"Come on, let's go tuck you in." You caught the little, wriggling human in your arms and trying to distract him from thoughts of his dad. "Daddy would be back soon."

With a squeal, he wriggled around as he picked one mail with him, you let him, as none of the mails so far you saw were important.

"D, O, R... Mummy stop, it tickles!" Levi squealed then continued spelling the letters off the mail. "L, I... mummy what is L, I, S, S, A?"

Smiling down at him, you furrowed your brows as you tried to register the words in your brain. "Li... what?"

"Starts from L and ends with A!" Levi informed and you felt your heart lurch as you reached for the mail, releasing your hold on him.

"Let me see that."

Eagerly, Levi hands you the slim, simple mail, watching you expectantly to read it out for him but you're simply to far gone staring at the words you never thought you'd see again.

Soon enough, Levi lost interest and reached for a colorful Christmas card, leaving you staring at the stamp on the envelope.    

DORIAN'S HOME FOR THE WEAK AND DISABLED  

1572 OAKLAND AVENUE  

NEW JERSEY

And in the center of the envelope was scrawled a name that never left your mind all these years;

Melissa Bradshaw

It's been 12 years, but Melissa did keep her promise and wrote you on a cozy Christmas Eve. 

13 YEARS PRIOR, Christmas Eve 2006

It's been months since you both saw each other.

Melissa was in her second year in a prestigious New York fashion schooland didn't really even have time for herself. On most holidays, she stayed back to work on major projects and when she did come back, less than a week, she was gone.

As for you, you stayed back with your parents and grandmother, studying Economics in a small community college in your town.

Once upon a time, you and Lissa made plans to go to the same college out of state, and even talked about being roommates but life happened and decisions changed. And here you both were.

You barely saw your bestfriend anymore for the past two years. And you felt the bond you both once had was slowly breaking.

Sometimes, insecurity kicked in and you wondered if she'd made big friends in the big city. You weren't one to be easily remembered anyway, and maybe she found better people.

However maybe it's just the insecurity speaking. Maybe you were the only one that felt that.

"You know, if it weren't for you, I won't really be caught dead watching this." Melissa spoke up as you both sat on her bed, eating peeled sunflower seeds and watched Titanic off her bulky television for the nth time.

With a smile, you glanced at her but didn't say anything as you've heard this complaint thousands of time, yet she still obediently sat and watched with you while complaining over so many scenes, grumbling about.

A few moment of comfortable silence passed by and you glanced at her once more before speaking up. "How's fashion school?"

"So so." She replied with a shrug as she poured in half a handful of seeds into her mouth.

"So so?" You pushed on, yearning for a conversation with her, one that would make her tell you about her life in the Big Apple, something she never did.

"Yeah, just the usual survival for the fittest." She finally supplied, staring straight at the screen. "We all want to get scouted from the showcases held every month. So it's really busy."

"Oh..." You said dumbly. "Goodluck to you."

You heard Lissa snicker quietly then a little laugh echoed in your ear, making you turn to her with a puzzled look.

"What?"

"You're talking like we're strangers." She said, chewing slowly as her grey eyes swept over your face then back to the television. "I hate it."

You stayed quiet.

"Savannah?" Lissa called out and you looked to her once more, your eyes catching her soft side profile and the little silver stud in her upturned nose. She was beautiful.

"Hmm?"

For a while, Lissa was quiet with a little, almost sad, smile on her face. Then she spoke up.

"Let's go build snow angels."

"Aargh no, it's cold and it's difficult." You grumbled, pulling the thick blankets a little bit more up your legs to show your reluctance.

Instead of making snow angels on the ground like other normal people, Lissa insists on building hers like a snow man. Going as far as putting on a white dress on it and shaping sticks to be like wings then draping a white lace around it.

"Where's your Christmas spirit?"

"Stolen by the Grinch." You grumbled, seeing Jack and Rose on the screen running through the ship.

"Come on come on come on!!" Lissa pestered. "It's Christmas tomorrow, come on!"

You did find yourself outside with Lissa minutes later, bundled up in cozy clothes, rolling snowballs and finding twigs then getting distracted midway by getting into a snow fight.

Christmas was spent with your mum feeding you hot porridge, scolding you for being reckless and catching a cold.

PRESENT DAY

You left Levi in the care of Mrs. Lawrence, the neighbor next door.

It was a cold Christmas morning and you knew you had to celebrate it with your family. However your husband didn't come home last night and this morning after opening gifts with Levi and eating some ginger bread cookies, you told him you would be back late but with lots of goodies. He didn't seem to mind as soon as he saw Jane, Mrs. Lawrence's little daughter that was about his age and he barely glanced at you as you left.

Rest assured that your child was in safe hands, you got into your Lexus and started the three hour long journey from Washington to New Jersey, lots of questions running through your mind.

All these years you'd hated Melissa for just disappearing after saying she was going over to France to work at a fashion label. She promised she'll write you on a Christmas Eve about how far she'd gone.

All these years you assumed she forgot about you. That your irrational teenage insecurity was back and she really found new friends much better than you. You hated her but still anticipated that letter.

Now the guilt was eating you up as you drove.

It wasn't that Lissa forgot about you. Something must have happened for her not to contact you. And what if she'd been trying for so long.

Since you and your family moved away to another state, where you found a job as an accountant at a water resort.

What if she'd been trying to find you all these years?

12 YEARS PRIOR, New Year's Day 2007

You were drunk and so was Melissa who dragged you away from the bustling atmosphere.

A party thrown by one of your old classmates who was notorious for his wild parties back in high school.

You all had just screamed A Happy New Year and since you and Lissa came together, you both felt rather awkward by people grabbing their partners and giving them a New Year's kiss.

So much that Lissa dragged you out of the house to the garden out back and halfway you both burst into laughter encountering another set of intimate couples outside.

"Aargh couples disgust me, ew." You laughed as you both went towards an empty bench that had empty cans of beer littered around it. You sat down and felt your jeans dampen with some liquid but couldn't care less in your state.

"Tell me about it." Lissa agreed, a smile on her face as you both stared up at the fireworks.

You glanced at her after some time and thought that she looked ethereal under the colors, her bright red lipstick pretty against her smiling lips and matching her equally fiery red hair. It seemed like she felt your eyes on her as she slowly turned to you, grey eyes locking with your hazel ones. You couldn't care less about being caught staring as suddenly she was the only thing you saw, the remainder of the world a moving blur.

"Happy New Year, Savannah." Lissa whispered and before you could reply, her lips were on yours, soft to the feeling and fitting perfectly with yours.

Soon enough, you gave into the kiss, not thinking about anything else but your lips against each other's. She tasted of beer and her lips were cold, giving her some kind of intoxicating taste.

That night, on a New Year's Day, with the alcohol floating in your system, you made love to your best friend.

The next day, without saying goodbye, Lissa went back to New York.

PRESENT DAY

It was a well maintained bungalow located in a quaint, little neighborhood.

Outside on the large porch, you could see a little group of people in the corner drinking from a mug while some played around throwing a football, some sitting on wheel chairs and others on chairs provided for them.

They looked happy and you, with your erratic heartbeat and conflicted thoughts, felt out of place. In your car as you watched them, you contemplated just going back home to Washington, spend the remainder of Christmas with Levi and if the world was good today, your husband if he does come home.

However, you were too anxious, way too anxious to just leave after the long three hour drive. You couldn't just leave.

You stared at the envelope you dropped on the passenger's seat for a while before picking it up and exiting the car, your legs almost feeling like jelly as you walked to the house, not knowing what to expect.

The people on the porch soon noticed you and you scanned each of their faces. Some had a smile on their face while some just looked curious. Getting closer, you noticed a little girl by the feet of a man with his right sleeves looking empty. She was clutching her teddy bear and looking at you curiously.

You smiled at her and she returned it happily.

"Are you looking for someone?" Someone spoke, and you looked to a middle aged lady on a rocking chair, looking perfectly normal.

"Uh..." You began, palms becoming extremely sweaty as you considered bolting. "Is there a Melissa Bradshaw here, I-"

"Savannah?" You heard a voice from inside, one you hadn't heard for over a decade, and soon enough after a little knocking, the door opened. "Savannah is that you?"

She still had the same fiery red hair, even wilder than before. Nothing much seemed to have changed. Except the fact she was on a wheel chair and her eyes, though wide open looked totally blank.

In front of you was someone you never realized you missed as much as your whole world until now.

It really was Lissa.

12 YEARS PRIOR, Easter 2007

Melissa was back home for her parent's funeral.

The only family she had was gone and you both watched as the coffins were lowered side by side six feet underneath.

Looking to Lissa, her face was blank as she watched everything. She had no emotion on her face and it was starting to scare you.

It really was too much, however; Not seeing your parents for months and the next news you hear of them was of them both involved in a car crash back from a relative's house.

You couldn't imagine what Lissa was possibly feeling at the moment, and all you could do was let go of whatever grudge you had against her for not even calling once since that night and be there for her. It was the most you could do.

Everyone was gone but you two were sitting on the grass in front of Mr. and Mrs. Bradshaw's grave, silence exchanged.

Suddenly, Lissa took a deep breath, releasing it shakily and you looked to her to see silent tears trailing down her face. Also hurt, you realize that you were also quietly crying, for your best friend, for her parents.

"I hadn't even talked to them since New Year's," Lissa choked out a son and was soon enough bawling.

You took her head and put on your shoulders, quietly patting her and reassuring her of a friend.

The next day was the last time you saw Lissa as she told you about being scouted by an agent from a reputable Fashion House in France.

Unexpectedly, she'd kissed you once more and apologized for everything.

"I will write about my progress on a Christmas Eve," she'd said as her lips left yours. "Our favorite time of the year. I promise, Savannah."

"Lissa..."

"I know I was so stupid for just leaving you hanging," Lissa continued, holding you firm in a hug. "I'm so sorry but I was scared what you'd think if you woke up. I panicked and fled."

Quietly, you let her hug you. Let her promise that she'll write you to tell you about her progress and only laughed when you said she an was old fashioned romantic yet hated Titanic.

You saw her off at the train station that day.

PRESENT DAY, Christmas 2019

"Savannah?" Melissa called out again and the faces of the group of people there had questions which they didn't ask out loud. "Someone say something! Angus? Rita?"

You broke into a sob at how helpless you saw your once best friend turned fleeting lover. "Lissa... Yes, it's me."

You could see her dead grey eyes instantly fill up with tears as she knocked around the floor with her walking stick, down the stairs. "W-Where are you?"

Before she could reach you, you got to her and wrapped her in a tight hug while crying out loudly.

"What happened to you? Lissa! What happened!?"

You could feel the snow resume falling as Lissa gently hugged you back, slightly smelling of nutmeg.

"Come, I'll tell you over a snow angel."