The Phantom

Sad Fiction Contemporary

Written in response to: "Start your story with the line, “It had been twenty-four years since she’d last seen it, but the place looked exactly the same,” and end it with, “[…] and that was all that mattered.”" as part of Meet in the Middle.

It had been twenty-four years since she’d last seen the old house.

Mary Jane Kimball stepped carefully up the steps and onto the front porch, running a trembling hand over the victorian bannister. Despite the peeling paint, the little house was still beautiful, a time capsule of memories. The porch swing still creaked when the summer breezes blew, and the flowerbed still held gardenias, zinnias, and tiger lilies, though they had long since escaped into the yard.

The old woman adjusted her knitted red sweater and turned the brass knob.

The capsule opened, admitting her into its dusty secrets and passions long withered.

Mary Jane remembered living here as a young child, racing up and down the stairway by the den, and then tearing through kitchen and out into the yard as her brother chased after.

She remembered living here as a teenager, the days when she felt invincible, until reality would stretch out its hard and pull her back from whatever adventure she was on at the time. Then she would come back to this old house, with its blue paint and whitewashed railings, and back to the strong arms of her father, and the caring embrace of her mother.

She remembered living here in college. On the weekends and holidays, she would come back to this place like it was an oasis where she could refresh her soul.

She remembered getting married in the backyard, wedded under the protective branches of a massive pecan that had been there for longer than anyone could remember.

And she remembered the family cemetery, much farther into the woods, in a peaceful little clearing all alone, with no road or path leading to it

James Martin, and Holly Martin, read her parents’ crumbling headstones, the names almost eroded away by time and the elements. Another read Joseph Kimball. This grave had no grass over the piled earth, and the letters were sharply defined.

A final grave was set off to the side, much smaller than the rest. It was the freshest, and marked not with a headstone, but a stout wooden cross like those that marked military graves. The letters inscribed into the wood read Jenny Kimball.

Hot tears traced the creases of Mary Jane’s wrinkled face, dripping to the dusty floor like drops of her very soul, each seeping into the thick layer of must until no liquid remained. A painful shock ran through her chest.

But she wiped her eyes with a handkerchief from her pocket, and journeyed further into the past.

In the living room she ran her hands over couches that had been faded when she was a little girl, trailing clean streaks from her fingertips. The radio by the fireplace was still intact, though it didn’t turn on.

All the kitchen appliances were still in place, arranged on the small counter in a familiar way; the old mixer, blender, mandolin; the perpetual stack of pots and pans still waiting to be washed by the sink. A heavy wooden rolling pin perched precariously at the top of a stack of bowls, waiting for the barest nudge to fall over.

From the kitchen Mary Jane could look out big glass windows and over the backyard. Though the grass had overgrown long ago, she could still see the depressions where painted flagstones made a path leading to the very edge of the woods.

She remembered building that path; each sibling painting a new flagstone each year. When it was finally finished, she and Max and Eddy had skipped for joy, racing back and forth from the towering oaks and pecans to the back porch over and over again.

Mary Jane struggled up the slick wooden steps of the staircase in the den, clutching tightly to the bannister. At the top was a long hall with doors on either side.

She walked slowly down the carpeted hall, gently pushing each door open as she passed. And with every door she opened, Mary Jane remembered.

Playing dolls with her unwilling brothers, then yelling when they grinned devilishly and began dismembering the plastic Barbies and ponies. Drawing sweet comfort from her mother’s hug after tripping on the stairs and gaining a goose egg on her forehead. Baking cinnamon-oatmeal cookies for Thanksgiving and mistaking the salt for sugar. Spending all night cutting paper Christmas decorations and hanging them from the ceiling, only to have the cat somehow claw every one to shreds before dawn. Sparky always had been a naughty kitty…

The phantom memories only grew stronger.

Max screaming like a demon in the yard after falling from a tree, his leg twisted at an unnatural angle under his body; he’d never fully stopped limping. A teenage Mary Jane kicking at Eddy’s shins when he tried to come into her room to get help with his research paper. All three children peeking silently around the corner as their father punched the wall, leaving deep knuckle prints in the drywall as his sky blue eyes misted.

Finally Mary Jane came to the very last door on the right. She pushed it open with an unsteady hand, savoring the feel of the painted wood even as her heart rate spiked.

Inside the room, a twin bed occupied the entire right side of the small space, overflowing with pink ruffles likes waves on a cotton-candy ocean. On the left was a simple dresser and a bookshelf filled with well-worn spines in every color and size imaginable. 

Warm light from the window above the bed illuminated a single phantom; herself, as an old woman sitting on the pink bed. Her red sweater contrasted sharply to her white hair and pale face, making her look like a ghost wearing a tomato skin. This translucent reflection of herself suddenly jerked, clutching at it’s chest as it went limp and fell sideways. Then as its eyelids fluttered shut and it disappeared, Mary Jane knew.

She crossed the room and sat down on the bed… and something clenched within her, constricting like a hot wire drawn tight around her heart. She felt her vision slipping away, receding as if she were backing away from the only window in a darkened room.

But with her final moment, her failing eyes swept over the room. She was here with her memories, phantoms of times long past and people long dead.

Mary Jane was home. And that was all that mattered.

Posted Nov 16, 2020
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74 likes 94 comments

B. W.
November 17, 2020 22:33

hey, you there?

Reply

Leo Greer
November 17, 2020 22:44

What’s up?

Reply

B. W.
November 17, 2020 23:06

nothing much, i just wanna talk to someone

Reply

Leo Greer
November 18, 2020 00:19

I can answer occasionally. 😉

Reply

B. W.
November 18, 2020 00:23

alright ^^ im making a new story by the way

Reply

Leo Greer
November 18, 2020 00:57

Cool, about what?

Reply

Jasey Lovegood
November 17, 2020 21:35

Hey Leo, so after the previous story you submitted, I have to say this story is a LOT better. The flow is much clearer and I was definitely transported with Mary Jane throughout the whole thing, my favourite part was the last four lines, and I think you captured the prompt a lot better than the first time.

Well done, and keep writing!
Jasey :D

Reply

Leo Greer
November 17, 2020 21:40

Yes, I feel while I don’t love this one, it is definitely much better as a whole!

Reply

Jasey Lovegood
November 17, 2020 22:16

I agree it's not your best work, but I enjoyed it nonetheless! :)

Reply

Leo Greer
November 16, 2020 16:28

My first experiment with a plotless piece!

Really not my favorite, so please critique and review! I want to know how I did with this unfamiliar genre, and theme.

Reply

Tom .
November 16, 2020 17:24

You should be pleased with it. It is nostalgic and warm; bittersweet.

Reply

Leo Greer
November 17, 2020 00:42

Glad ya liked it!

Reply

Sam Reeves
November 16, 2020 19:19

I thought this was beautiful. You managed to capture walking down memory lane really well. I like that it's plotless, it's simply focussing on the woman and her memories and finding a place to rest. The description is great and I felt like I came to know her childhood.

Like what Avani said, the stretch of reality and "its hard" something wasnt defined and the only other thing is an "the" was missing: "Max screaming like a demon in yard".

Those are incredibly minor though - I think you should be proud!

Reply

Leo Greer
November 17, 2020 00:42

I’ll get on fixing those typos! Thanks for the catches!

Reply

Kendi Karimi
May 05, 2021 07:23

This story definitely deserves some kind of award. I mean 👌🏽😍

The flow, the plot, the intensity and gripping nature of line after line. I was hooked and I can't wait to read more of your work. Wow.

Reply

Philip Clayberg
February 17, 2021 18:14

This is a very good story. It felt like someone exploring a time capsule, a place that hadn't changed since Mary Jane was last there. A place of memories and people more than a place used to store physical objects (like at some English country homes, where entire rooms are used for storage and then closed off once they get full enough). I wish the two paragraphs before the ending paragraph had been different. I wanted her to be happy and alive, but, instead, she died in the home she had grown up in. Maybe your point was that now she was a ghostly part of that world, forever connected with it.

Just two editing comments (one of them about a typo; you probably already found it and fixed it in your offline copy of the story):

She remembered living here in college. [I think I would change "in college" to "when she was in college"]

clutching at it’s chest as it went limp ["it's" should be "its" -- a possessive, not a contraction)

I also wrote a story using this prompt, "Past Recovery". Feel free to read it and comment about it.

Reply

B. W.
November 21, 2020 20:43

heyyyy

Reply

B. W.
December 23, 2020 23:22

important news.

Reply

B. W.
December 16, 2020 00:07

How are you?

Reply

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