STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH MANDY PATINKIN

STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH MANDY PATINKIN

“Aren’t you Rube, the Grim Reaper on that TV show Dead Like Me?”

As he turned to look at me, an expression of amusement spread over his face like a wave of sunshine over a cloudy field. “I’m not a grim reaper in real life,” – then he winked like it was our little secret – “but I do play one on TV!”

I was stuck in a hotel elevator with the actor Mandy Patinkin. I didn’t recognize him until the elevator jerked to a stop between the eleventh and twelfth floors. It was just the two of us: me, a 20-something single woman having one of the best-hair days of my life and wearing my skinniest jeans, and the guy, who, upon closer examination, played Rube in Dead Like Me.

“I’ll bet you get asked that a lot, huh.”

“Not really. Usually they ask if I’m Dr.Geiger, or sometimes they recognize me from Yentl. But you’re the first person who’s ever asked me if I was the Grim Reaper.”

“Did it make your day?”

“Yes it did.” His laugh, by the way, is charming.

We stood there, he on his side of the elevator and me on mine, smiling and waiting and feeling rather awkward if truth be told. I noticed that he wasn’t wearing any shoes or socks. He was wearing a two-piece suit, with the shirt pulled out and no tie. I wondered if he had been locked out of his room. I wondered if he was even staying at this hotel. Or maybe he was having an affair with a woman who was staying here and her husband walked in on them and then Mandy Patinkin left in such a hurry that he forgot his socks and shoes. Oh, Lord, the silence was beginning to feel even more claustrophobic than the elevator.

“Who’s Dr. Geiger?”

“Huh? Oh, he was the character I played on Chicago Hope.” More awkward silence followed, and then he ventured, “Were you a Chicago Hope fan?”

“No, but I don’t get a chance to see much television. The only thing I ever saw you in was Dead Like Me. I had to watch it on my sister’s television because she and her husband get Showtime and we didn’t.”

He seemed genuinely surprised. “Just that? How about my movies? Did you ever see Yentl?”

“No.”

“How about The Princess Bride?”

“I’m sorry, no.”

“I starred in a musical version of The Secret Garden on Broadway. Any chance you saw it?”

“Nope. In fact I’ve never even been to Broadway. The only thing I’ve seen you in was Dead Like Me, which I really miss, by the way.” I emphasized the word really because I felt guilty that I hadn’t seen more of his work. “I’m sure I would love you in those other things.”

He periodically checked his watch, so I asked, “How long have we been stuck here?”

“Not quite five minutes.” He sighed, ran his hand through his hair and slid down in the corner until he was almost sitting. Normally I’d remain standing if I were stuck in an elevator alone with a man. But Mandy Patinkin seemed okay even if he did seem a bit anxious at the moment. So I slid down in the opposite corner and sat Indian style.

“Y’know, this is probably the best day of my life. I’m stuck in an elevator with the guy who starred in my favorite show.”

That seemed to brighten him up, He smiled and said, “Too bad we didn’t have more viewers like you, we’d still be on the air. So, you really liked the show, huh? What did you like about it?”

“Well first of all, the idea of benevolent grim reapers, which look like every day people, whose purpose was to guide people into their hereafters. It’s comforting to think that at the moment you die there will be someone right there – just to be with you, y’know? -- so you’re not alone. And it was funny at times, too, like all those toilet seats hanging from the tree.”

“Do you believe in the hereafter?”

“Oh yes. Absolutely! Heaven and hell. It keeps me on the straight and narrow.”

“You mean you think twice before you do something?”

“Twice, three times, sometimes a lot. Like, I don’t drink. I don’t do drugs. I’ve never even tried pot.”

“You’re joking. You’ve never tried pot? I thought all young people tried it at least once.”

“Nope, never. I could be the only living soul who has never done drugs of any kind. Just my luck I’ll get to heaven and find they have a special room marked DRUG FREE SOULS, and I’ll spend eternity in it wishing I had toked up just once just so I’d have some company in heaven.”

“You never cut loose as a teenager?”

“Well – I was kinda wild there for a while, but it didn’t involve drugs.”

“Well, there y’go! You’ll spend eternity in the room marked WILD & DRUG FREE SOULS. Trust me, you won’t be alone.”

The elevator kinda hiccupped, just once, as though it was about to move.

“At least they’re working on it,” he said gazing up.

“Can I ask why you aren’t wearing any socks and shoes?”

Boy, when Mandy Patinkin smiles, he’s gorgeous. “I fell asleep in my clothes and overslept. I dashed out to go to an appointment and I was in the elevator before I even realized I wasn’t wearing them.”

“That’s kinda what I figured.”

I could feel the silence bearing down again so I asked, “Do you think there really are grim reapers, like in the show?”

But before he could answer, the elevator jolted to life and began its descent. We looked up and watched the floors tick by with alarming momentum – 11, 10, 9, 8 – plunging faster and faster, never stopping at the lobby. Then, right before we hit the garage level, Mandy Patinkin reached over and gently brushed my arm with his hand, as though he were Rube on Dead Like Me releasing the soul of the person who was just about to die.

As we stood up and walked out of the garage he said, “See, I told you you wouldn’t be alone.”