The Beautiful Girl

"She is the most beautiful baby!"

Charlotte's mother, Mandy, heard it daily after she'd given birth to the baby girl. And truly, the child was something special. She was a C-section, so her head was perfectly round. Her hair was black as night, and there was so much of it. Charlotte's eyes were sky blue. Mandy hoped Charlotte's eyes stayed light and bright. Though it was early days, it seemed Charlotte was tracking objects and people around her, already tuned in to her surroundings. Her beauty and awareness were arresting. With the amount of hair on her head and her gaze, she seemed conscious and wise.

On a whim, Mandy entered Charlotte into a prettiest baby contest held by the local drug store and filling station, both owned by the same family. Mandy called everyone she knew, asking them to vote when they went to the drug store or stopped for a fill up by putting coins in the can with Charlotte's photo on it. Mandy also regularly made deposits into the baby contest cans each day as she passed the filling station, stopping in for a bottled water because she was "oh, so parched," and then again at the drug store for mints or gum.

As it turned out, Charlotte was the prettiest baby and won $250 in the drug store/filling station contest. Mandy was buoyed by the win. She put half of the money into an account for Charlotte and half into her savings account. Over the first year of Charlotte's life, there were other contests with local businesses and various baby magazines: Halloween costume, Easter with baby bunnies, Christmas with Santa, and, of course, the New Year's Baby. Charlotte took each title by doing nothing more than donning a costume and sitting for photos. Mandy managed everything else and plugged into the contacts on her phone to solicit votes online or by coin or ballot for her baby girl. When Charlotte turned one, she had $2,500 in her bank account.

Mandy eased off contests between Charlotte's first and second birthdays. Charlotte, though, was incredibly astute and was an early talker. She was articulate, and her diction was very clear for a toddler. Mandy noticed Charlotte singing along with some of the nursery rhyme songs she played on Spotify and was stunned to hear her little girl carry a tune. She decided to enter Charlotte into a baby and toddler pageant at the county fair that summer.

On pageant day, Charlotte's thick black hair shone like spun silk pulled into a high ponytail dangling over her little back. Her eyes appeared to have lightened some from when she was born, and the stark contrast of the little girl's dark hair and icy eyes caused many adults to do a double-take before being riveted by the child's beauty. Mandy found a dress the same color as Charlotte's eyes and put a crinoline under it for her county fair pageant. One of the other mothers looked at Charlotte and Mandy and cocked an eyebrow. "Aren't you going to put makeup on that child?"

"I hadn't planned on it." Mandy took in her sweet little girl's clean, pure face, and the sheer beauty of the child. She noticed mothers putting makeup on the other little girls, but Mandy wanted to stay true to her daughter's simple perfection. Charlotte was the youngest in the toddler group mainly because most toddlers her age weren't easily understood verbally. Because of this, the judges allowed Charlotte to be first in the talent competition. She sang "The Unicorn Song," and she did all the hand motions and moved across the small stage in the 4-H building. Mandy watched the judges following along and doing the hand motions for 'green alligators and long-necked geese."

When Charlotte finished singing, she ran to Mandy, who scooped her up in her arms, covering her fresh, makeup-free face with kisses. "You did such a good job, honey! I'm so proud of you, and you looked so pretty."

"Mommy, I like my dress. Can I wear it the rest of the day?" Charlotte grabbed a fistful of the fabric and crinoline to pull it closer to Mandy's face.

"Of course, you can."

"Grandma Ruthie said I need to keep it nice for the next pageant."

Mandy looked around the crowd for her mother, a stern-faced redhead with a deeply wrinkled forehead and cheeks. There was no smile playing on her lips. She was a serious woman who looked weathered, much older than her 45 years. She liked to say Mandy had aged her at twice the rate of other women because of all the worrying about whether her daughter was keeping her legs crossed. Of course, by Charlotte's very presence, Mandy had not kept her legs crossed.

Ruthie approached Mandy, who balanced Charlotte on her hip. "The child needs to go to the hairdresser next time, and you're going to need to hire a makeup artist. If she somehow wins this, it will be by the grace of God." She stopped short to take in the mother and child. "Good gracious, Charlotte. Stop messing with your dress. Mandy, you're going to need to change her out of the dress as soon as the results come in."

Ruthie took Charlotte's little hand in her own, and pried the crinoline and fabric out of her fingers. "Charlotte, honey, this is a special dress. We don't wrinkle our special dresses. Okay?"

Charlotte stuck out her lower lip which began to tremble. "Good gracious. There's no reason to cry. Grammy will buy you an ice cream. How does that sound?" Charlotte pulled her lip back in and smiled at Ruthie.

The final contestant was onstage, and her talent was "Here's the church; here's the steeple; open the doors, and see all the little people." The little girl looked to be around four, and her chestnut hair was curled in bouncing spirals. Her lips were painted a ruby red, and the apples of her cheeks looked sun-kissed. She looked like some kind of hybrid child-adult-doll. "Right there," Ruthie pointed, "is what you need to be doing for Charlotte if she is going to be able to be competitive in these pageants."

Mandy took in the child onstage, and she wasn't entirely sure she wanted Charlotte to be a pageant kid. "Charlotte, sweetheart. Do you like how that little girl looks?" Mandy shifted Charlotte from her hip to the front of her waist to allow her to look her daughter in the eye.

Charlotte stared into Mandy's eyes, then turned to see the little girl with the church and steeple. "She looks like a princess, Mommy. I want to look like a princess."

***

At the age of 16, Charlotte stood on the stage with twenty other young women, all of them vying for the Junior Miss crown. Charlotte had grown into a breathtaking beauty. Her eyes were the color of a clear Nordic pool reflecting a cloudless sky. Her hair, a shining black waterfall, cascaded down her back, curling gently near her waist. She had grown her talent from "The Unicorn Song" to a gut wrenching Puccini aria, "O mio babbino caro." She articulately introduced the song each time she sang it by also stating in English, "Oh My Dear Papa." Ironically, she had never met her father.

Ruthie and Charlotte ran the show with Mandy carrying dresses, makeup, and shoes in their wake. Upon entering the premises of each pageant, Charlotte quickly took stock of the other contestants. She sized up each young lady, rating her hair, face, body, wardrobe, and makeup. The only girls she engaged rated sufficiently high enough to be potential threats in Charlotte's pursuit of the pageant crown. Charlotte catalogued if the girl walked badly, spoke too nasally, had a lisp, a funny facial tic, or some other deficit. Each little imperfection decremented from the girl's beauty and talent. Charlotte could calculate the points in her head for where each girl would land on the judges' score sheets. In only one pageant was a contestant truly neck and neck with Charlotte. She didn't need to be cut throat. She only needed to be better; more articulate, more talented, more intelligent, more beautiful. She didn't see how she could be more beautiful, though. She clocked every person every time she entered a room, and there was no room she couldn't command. After completing her inventory of the other contestants, Charlotte knew she had the Junior Miss crown in the bag.

At school, Charlotte didn't have many friends. She devoted herself to studying, music, and an intense workout regimen. She weighed every ingredient that went into the food she ate. She didn't smoke, do drugs, or have sex. She would have time for boys or men when she was older. She knew the score. She was the illegitimate daughter of an illegitimate daughter. She would not have a child out of wedlock. Her beauty and brains would get her a full ride to any college she chose. She would find a suitable husband in college, and only then, after she had secured a career and a spouse would she even think about letting up on any part of her exercise and nutrition routine. If she didn't have beauty and poise, she would be just like any other girl. Instead of making things happen, these other girls allowed things to happen to them. Mandy let a boy into her pants after the homecoming game, and at sixteen, Charlotte had come along. Already, Charlotte was older than Mandy had been when Charlotte was born. Charlotte counted her childless state as a win.

Charlotte entered her senior year in high school at 17. In her freshman and sophomore years, Charlotte was part of her high school's homecoming court. As a junior, she had taken home the Homecoming Princess crown, and this year, she knew she would take the honors as both the Homecoming and Prom Queens. She feared the Prom, though. She would have to have a date, and she wanted someone as beautiful as she was mainly for the photos, but she wanted someone safe. Other kids went with their friend groups, but Charlotte didn't really have a friend group. She had a friend here and there, but they were more like acquaintances. She didn't call or text anyone. She didn't do any personal social media. Mandy handled her pageant social media. Charlotte looked at what her mother was doing from time to time, and she was surprised at how full her life looked. In truth, Charlotte was lonely but solely focused on winning pageants and getting to college and her career and a husband. She looked at her mother, and she saw how tired Mandy had begun to look. She looked at Ruthie, and she saw how weary Ruthie looked. She was their hope, their vindication. If she hadn't been born beautiful, she didn't know what her possibilities would be. She did know, though, there would be much fewer.

After graduating at the top of her high school class, Charlotte, her mother, and grandmother went to New York City to move Charlotte into her dorm at Columbia. Charlotte received a full tuition scholarship, and she had her own nest egg of pageant money to pay for room and board. Earlier in the summer, Charlotte had been crowned Miss Michigan, and she decided she would compete in the Miss America pageant during spring break. She had done it, though. She'd made it to college, the springboard for the rest of her life. Her face and grit had gotten her past where her mother and grandmother's lives had stalled.

Charlotte continued her devotion to her studies, exercise, nutrition, and a draconian-seeming beauty routine. She never missed class, didn't make waves, but was the most noticed freshman on campus. She was approached by many male students, and Charlotte politely turned them down in such a way they didn't know they were being slighted. Each boy continued to hold Charlotte in the highest regard. Charlotte, though, had her eye on a sophomore boy in her chemistry class. He was handsome, smart, and from what she had discovered, he was from a wealthy, old family. When Robert invited Charlotte on a coffee date, she quickly said yes. When Robert invited Charlotte to a party in the Hamptons, Charlotte said yes. They left campus on a Friday after an exam. Robert had pulled an all-nighter the night before. He yawned and slapped his face during the drive. He lowered the windows and dropped the air conditioning in his car to 62 degrees. Robert stopped for coffee. Charlotte offered to drive, but Robert said he was fine. He just needed to shake off some drowsiness. Robert turned up the music and sang along loudly, but he eventually drifted off the road, down an embankment, and slammed into a tree. Robert was killed instantly.

***

Charlotte awoke two days later. Mandy and Ruthie sat on either side of her hospital bed.

"What's going on? Where is Robert? Where am I?" She tried to sit up but found she was secured to an IV poll and machines monitoring her heart, blood pressure, and oxygen.

Mandy cried softly. "Oh, my god. You're awake." Ruthie had already left the room for the nurses' station.

When Ruthie and the nurse returned, the nurse evaluated Charlotte. "We've informed the doctor that you're awake. She'll be here shortly. You were in a serious car accident. You're lucky you survived."

Charlotte held her hands up to her face. "What's happened to me? Why am I in bandages?" She looked to Ruthie and Mandy, and neither could make eye contact.

"The doctor will explain all the care you've received since you were admitted." The nurse finished charting, leaving the three women behind. The room remained silent until the doctor arrived.

The doctor explained that Robert did not survive the crash. Charlotte's arms and legs had been burned, but there was a good chance she could have skin grafts. Charlotte's face had been badly injured. They did what they could in the immediate aftermath of the accident, but she would be in bandages until she healed sufficiently. Charlotte remained in the hospital for several weeks, living through the loss of her first boyfriend, and the pain of her burns and injuries. Mandy and Ruthie stayed close by and spent each day with Charlotte. Eventually the bandages on Charlotte's face were removed. Mandy and Ruthie were not in the room when the dressings came off. The doctor had forewarned the two of them that what they would see and how they would react initially would be very jarring to Charlotte.

Charlotte wanted to see her face immediately.

"You're not fully healed. What you see today isn't what your face will look like in a month or two months or even six months." The doctor stated. "You have to have some patience with your body's ability to heal. You've been through some terrible trauma, Charlotte."

Charlotte insisted on seeing her face. The doctor took her cell phone out of her pocket and turned on the camera, flipping it to selfie, before handing it to Charlotte. Upon seeing her face, Charlotte screamed. She was scarred, her face shiny, red, and taut. She fainted.

When she regained consciousness, Ruthie and Mandy were at her bedside. Ruthie couldn't make eye contact with her granddaughter.

"My face…my face…my face…" She sobbed. "Grammy. Look at me. Look at me!"

Mandy placed a hand on Charlotte's leg. "The doctor said they may be able to do plastic surgery after you've healed more. Don't give up. Okay? We'll talk to the doctors and learn more, but you're going to have to let yourself heal more." Mandy wondered what their lives would have been like if she hadn't started putting her beautiful baby in beauty contests and then pageants. Charlotte's identity was her beauty, being a queen among other girls and young women.

***

"Charlotte, Mandy, Ruthie, we need to talk about next steps." Charlotte's doctor was with a few other doctors: a plastic surgeon, vascular surgeon, pulmonologist, and anesthesiologist. "We can operate on your face. I don't know that we can make you look like you did before the accident, but we can make improvements. You have to understand that with your burns and internal organ damage, surgery would be quite risky. Your chances of survival aren't great. Ideally, we would want you to have more internal healing, but we need to talk about options and timing."

"I cannot leave this hospital looking like this." Charlotte pointed to her face. "I mean, I don't want to die either, but you understand I'm Miss Michigan. I have plans. This is ruining my entire life." Her voice dropped into a low rasp. "I can't be this. I am not this. I don't know how to be like this."

"Charlotte, we want you and your family to think this through very carefully. We can do the work. We can take all the precautions, but we do not feel you are a strong candidate for surgery right now. In a year? Maybe. We think you've made enough progress, though, that you could be discharged and have home services. Eventually, surgery, but you need to know all the risks and your chances for success." The doctors nodded in agreement.

Mandy didn't want Charlotte to have surgery until she was further recovered. Ruthie couldn't look at Charlotte without crying. Charlotte couldn't live without the face she'd known her whole life. All they could do was debate and deliberate.

"I just don't know," came out in a whisper.