The Diary of Maricela Zapata

Dear Diary,

My name is Maricela Zapata. I am 10 years old. I live in Baldwin Park, CA. I love my cat, Whiskers. Not a very creative name, I know but she has really long whiskers which is why we named her that. She doesn’t like anyone but me. When my mom tries to pet her, Whiskers will hiss and run to me, hiding behind my legs. So, I’m in charge of her and I don’t mind because I love her. I didn’t start this diary to talk about Whiskers, even though she is the best.

I’m not a writer. I don’t really like writing. Even in school I just don’t like it. It’s hard for me. But I haven’t been to school in a while. I can’t. My parents are afraid that if we go outside, we’ll be taken. Or used to try and get my parents taken. That happened yesterday. My brother told me. They used a kid who was 5 years old who was coming home from school. The school was down the block. Just on the corner, but I guess that’s all they needed. They, the ICE men, told the boy to knock on his door to see if there was anyone else in the house and of course his parents answered the door, and the ICE men took them. They took his parents and him. 5 years old. I can’t stop thinking about it. My brother told me about it. My brother is 16 and very smart. He’s the one who said we shouldn’t go to school and my parents agreed. And I can see my brother is sad. He really loves school. He calls his friends to see what he’s missed so he doesn’t get behind. I don’t like school but I’m still sad.

Why did I start this diary? I was telling my brother, his name is Abel, that I was sad. That I missed my friends. That I was tired of staying in the house. And he gave me this book, The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank. He said that I might be too young to read it but that it might help. He said that Anne was 13 when she and her family had to hide away in an attic. He said the attic was a lot smaller than our house and I should be grateful that we have more space. I guess that’s true. It’s good to find things to be grateful for. Abel says it makes everything less bad. So, I started reading it. Even though I don’t like writing, I love reading. I read everything. Even the dictionary. I am on the letter N so far.

Reading Anne’s diary got me thinking that I should start my own. Just in case. Which I know is scary and I don’t like thinking about what just in case really means, but I feel like I have to. Like I have to get this down. Just in case. So, that everything is here. My story. My words. My thoughts. Maricela’s thoughts.

The boy, the 5 year old kid who the ICE men used, he was wearing a Spiderman backpack in the photo my brother showed me. I don’t know why I keep thinking about that.

Dear Cynthia,

I know you’re my diary and not really Cynthia, but Cynthia is my best friend at school. And it helps if I imagine that I’m writing to her and not to no one or nothing. It helps to imagine if someone is really listening. Someone who knows me better than anyone else. And that’s Cynthia.

And, I got the idea from Anne. All her entries are addressed to Kitty. I asked Abel about it, and he says that people think that Kitty was her best friend. So that makes sense, right? We all want to tell our best friend everything and we’re sad when they’re not there. Family is great. I love my family. But Cynthia gets to see me in a way they don’t if that makes sense.

So, Cynthia.

I miss you. I miss laughing with you. Do you remember that day when we just laughed about nothing? I don’t remember who started it, but we just started laughing and we didn’t stop and we had to drink lots of water to stop the hiccups. That was the best day, wasn’t it? You have the greatest laugh.

Dear Cynthia,

I got to this part in the book where Anne talks about kids coming home from school to find their parents gone. I had to stop reading. I haven’t started back up since yesterday. Because it’s too scary. Too real. And I know the book is real. But it feels…too close. ICE men are doing the things that the nazis did. Abel said we can’t think of it that way. That we, Americans, have our own history of “brutality.” Slave catchers. Stealing Native American kids and putting them in Christian schools. Abel said that comparing ICE to nazis makes it seem foreign when it’s not. Abel always gets like that and most of the time I love him for it. He teaches me a lot of things. But reading Anne’s words, I feel like I’m reading my own words. Or your words. And even though this book is from a long time ago, it’s now. It’s right now.

Dear Cynthia,

ICE men knocked on our door this morning. They pounded on it. We had our lights off and windows closed and locked, so you couldn’t see from the outside if anyone was home. But they pounded and shouted anyway. Me, Abel, and my parents were huddled on the floor in my parents’ bedroom. My mom was shaking, trying not to cry. Abel and my dad had their eyes closed. I think my dad was praying. Whiskers kept crying and I was holding her, whispering to her to please be quiet. Holding her and talking to her actually helped. It helped me not to be so scared. I was scared. Really scared. But I kept thinking that Whiskers was probably more scared than I was, so I had to be brave for her. I could hear the ICE men make their way around our house and could see their shadows as they tried to peer through the windows but luckily, we have really thick curtains.

And then, something wonderful happened.

We heard our neighbors, and maybe even some other people, shouting at the ICE men to go away. To leave. That they couldn’t break into someone’s home. It sounded like there were a lot of people. They were so loud and they scared the ICE men away. We could hear the people cheering outside as the ICE men drove off.

It reminded me of that line in Anne’s book. I haven’t gotten to it yet, but Abel told me about it when he gave it to me. He said it’s one of the most famous lines.

“I still believe in spite of everything, that people are really good at heart.”

Abel says he’s not sure if he agrees with Anne, but that he wants to.

I don’t know if I agree with her either, but I want to.

And today brought me a little closer.