Nightly Anxiety

“Sara, make sure the door is locked before going to bed.”

Something my mother, who worked overnight shifts at a local truck stop would remind me of before hanging up her routine goodnight calls that she made every night around 8:30 pm, right before I got ready for bed at 9:00. A reminder I’ve continued to hear well into adulthood. One that has become more of a ritual that I never skip after her passing three years ago. Her cause of death: Homicide, Suffocation by a home invader around 4:30 in the morning. That only tells something nefarious had occurred was her front door being left wide open, and a small pair of foot prints tracking from the entrance to my mother's bedside.

The anniversary of her death day is approaching within a couple days, November 13 (2020). The middle of Autumn currently, yet the weather as of late has been relatively sunny. Mockingly so. As if three years ago this week my mother wasn't murdered in her sleep by a home invader after forgetting to properly lock her doors. Killer still unknown. Case still unsolved.

I’ve been tense, anxiety growing the closer her death day nears. It's like the feeling of paranoia you get when you're walking by yourself and suddenly feel like you're being followed, except worse. Like I just have an internal gut instinct something is going to happen specifically on that day, and today I’ve managed to find proof.

Or well…more like it found me.

I found them this morning when I heard a strange noise come from my back patio. Opening the door at first I saw nothing, so I figured it was just a raccoon or an opossum. Shutting the door I spotted them. Small muddy foot prints no bigger than the size of a ten year old child's, two of them. On the edge of the patio leading out to my back yard, facing outwards. Like whoever they belong to just stood there then stepped off back into the grass. Off to the right beside them one of my flower pots was knocked over soil spilling out everywhere, like a dark shadow on the bright sunlit brick patio.

Which of the neighbors has kids around that age?

None that I was aware of. The ones across the street were freshly married. No kids yet, or they had teenagers.

Maybe a baby cousin is over?

The ones to the right were College students, and the Ones to the Left were Old people.

Maybe they have their grandkids for the weekend?

Regardless…..It made my skin crawl.

Quickly, I went inside and locked the sliding door behind me. Slid the blinders shut, and then moved towards the front of my house. Impulsively walking to the front door to soothe a feeling I couldn't quite name.The mess could wait til I felt like getting to it. I reached the front door, first the locks, All three were indeed still locked, and then peeking through the peep hole first. Nothing looked too odd. I move towards the living room, part the curtains just slightly, and look outside at the front of my house into the neighborhood. Nothing out of the norm, no kids outside running around playing in the damp grass from the early morning rain shower, or any puddles that could have been left in the road or on the sidewalk. No sign of children, or any human life outside at all for that matter.

It just looked like a nice oddly sunny serene autumn day. The sky, a dull gray color with faint flashes of blue creeping through the clouds that lightly blanketed over the usual welcoming blue sky. Making the sunlight have this oddly pale comforting warmth to it as it shone through the brightly colored leaves that still clung to the trees. The red, yellow, and orange leaves at the tops of the trees glowing like stain glass. It looked peaceful, and it made my stomach lurch with a twist of anxiety.

I stepped back from the window, closing the curtain once again and turned to head to the front door. Checking the locks once more, before going to do the same with the back losing doors. Seeing they were both still locked I decided to retreat to my room, locking the door and extra measure before wandering to my bed and turning on some TV to help convince myself I was getting paranoid over nothing. At some point I ended up drifting off to sleep while scrolling on my phone…

CRASH!

I woke up startled at the sound of lighting, and the harsh sound of rain crashing down onto the roof and against my window. Harsh winds gusting heavily outside like howling wolves. The flashing red light glowing from my old alarm clock illuminates the ceiling in brief five second intervals. Hair sticks to my forehead due to sweat caused from overheating in my sleep. The sheets and pillow are lightly damp underneath me. I sit up and glance at the time on the clock.

10:58P.M.

That's the time that flashes back at me, and it was more than likely incorrect. My hands shifted around on the bed searching for my phone, finding nothing. Probably fell on the floor. I let out a grunt of frustration, roll over, and sit up. Letting out a hefty sigh before moving to stand up, lazy groggy movements as I move to turn on the light switch. Briefly being blinded as the light came to life and then-

CRASH!

Another lightning bolt could be heard followed by the deep rumble of thunder, and the power went out once again. "Great, now I'm in the dark." I think to myself in annoyance as I move towards my bed once more. Double checking around for my phone, only to once again come up short.

“Fucking-...” I let out a heavy sigh and turned once more heading towards my door. “Flash light…I'll get a flash light.” I mutter to myself as I begin my way down the hall towards the kitchen. Rubbing sleep from my eyes and stretching as I walked.

Thimp-Thimp-Thimp!

I stopped in my tracks just before reaching the corner that would lead into the main hall where the front door was.

The sound of quick scrambling. Almost like a kid running across the room trying not to be caught sneaking around when they should be sleeping. "The hell was that?" I waited. Listened for more movement. Nothing. I stood still for at least a minute and a half, before taking another step forward. Slowly this time. Crouched and creeping.

Hesitantly I peek around the corner, My heart beating so fast it felt as if it was pounding in my throat, The front door was still shut. All four locks were still locked from what I could see.

“Double check.”

I muttered to myself before quickly moving towards the door. Hands quickly coming up and inspecting each lock. Unlocking and relocking each one for self reassurance.

Thimp-Thimp-Thimp!

I whipped my head around, looking over my shoulder. This time for sure I know I heard something running around in my house. Something fast and small, and it was in the living room.

I swallow. My skin is growing tense, blood pressure spiking with adrenaline caused by paranoia and fear of the thought of something or someone being in my house. My hand holding the doorknob gripping it tighter. Mind rushing to decide how to act.

Do I just get out? It's storming.

Who would be awake?

Go back to my room and get my phone?

It's probably dead.

I should have just fricking left town this weekend.

Pause.

I let go of the knob and looked at the coat rack. Swiftly moving towards it. Car keys. I quickly began searching through my different coat jackets. My movements are frantic, yet purposeful as I was still trying to be as quiet as possible. Having a brief moment of relief and celebration as my hands finally found the coat with my keys in it. Not being an idiot, I quickly took the coat off the hook and slipped it on, as well as my slippers. "Thank the lords!" Then I turned to make my way back towards the door rushing to get the locks undone.

Lock one,

Click.

Lock two,

Click.

Lock three,

Click.

“...Sara?”

A quiet female voice called my name from behind me. Not the voice of a child. Not a voice that matches the sound of the running she heard.

Can old women move fast?

My heart dropped to my stomach.Chill going down my spine. I spun around, eyes shooting towards the living room entrance. Fingers pausing their actions on lock four.

“Who’s there?!”

I snapped back in response, attempting to keep my voice sturdy though it gave way to panic. Several seconds of silence pass by without a response. Hesitantly I turn and move to undo the last lock.

Click

Lock four.

I let out a breath I was holding, and began to twist the door knob.

Thimp-Thimp-Thump-Thump-THUMP!

The sound of someone rushing across from the far side of the living straight towards me made my heart jump out of my chest. Frantically I move to yank the door open. I never thought the sound of a storm in the middle of the night, and harsh winds would sound inviting. Water faintly misted across my face as I moved forwards, a half step out the door.

Then I'm falling. A scream flying from my lips as I felt a pair of hands firmly shoved forwards, losing my footing. My left slipper fell off as I crashed onto the ground. The pathetic attempt at catching myself resulted in my twisting my right ankle and landing roughly on the concrete walkup. My head smacking into the corner of one of the brick flower beds, Vision instantly blurring.

“...Who…?”

Rain, wind, blood, dirt, and concrete. That's all my senses could focus on besides the ache of my cranium. Suddenly I'm being dragged back into the house by my ankles.

“You can't leave.”

A groan escapes my lips as my head hits against the lip of the entrance into the main hall. Attempting to shift and turn I reach for the doorframe.

“Nhho-no…get off..”

I'm ignored, instead I'm firmly yanked inside the rest of the way. Basically being thrown down the main hall and into the midway point between where the hall to the bedrooms and bathroom are, and the living room. My head spinning, vision blurring at the side. Head throbbing feeling slightly nauseous.

Both slippers, and my keys are long gone now. Haphazardly thrown about. One of the slippers is probably outside still in the rain. My coat was scraped and dirty.

“Sara, you should be sleeping.”

Swish. Click.

The sound of the front door being firmly shut, and the first lock done. The last three happened slowly. I watched through fading vision as a short womanly looking figure did each lock slowly and with intent.

Click,

Lock two.

“Good girls should be in their rooms at this hour.”

She spoke as if I were a preteen caught attempting to sneak out late and she were my strict off-putting grandma. Tone of voice being eerily taunting mixed with a light undertone of beration. The lady turns and glances down at my probably pathetic delirious looking form.

“....But look at you..You got yourself hurt…”

Her voice is Oddly softer this time.

Click,

Lock three.

“But you’ll be alright.”

A dismissive attempt at comfort.

“Everything is locked as it should be.”

Click,

The fourth lock.

The sound of the bolt being turned and clicked into place echoing in my head in finalization. A few weak sounds of pleading coming from me, and my eyelids finally feel too heavy. The last sound I’m able to process is light footsteps slowly approaching my way. Eyes fluttering shut as everything faded away into darkness. Sleep took me into its embrace as if it were giving me a kind of mercy from whatever was about to happen to me.

I fall into darkness.

Buzzzz-hmmm-buzzz

The sound of electrical buzzing.

“She really did it this time.” The same elderly female voice. “Luckily it was only a bump. How’d she even get out of her room?”

“It's to be expected.” A deep male voice. “ Her symptoms always get worse around this time of year.”

My head is throbbing. A groan escapes my lips. A hand comes up and lightly caresses my head, though it feels more like they were assessing me for injury. Then a small prick in my arm.

“Shhh…You’ll be alright Sara.” The female voice. “Dr.Graham is just giving you something to help you rest for the rest of the night.”

A euphoric drowsiness overtakes me, lulling me back once again to slumber. The throbbing in my head lessening. The sound of people moving about slowly muffling as if I were underwater.

“Poor girl, she's too young to waste away in here.”

The male voice sighs in response to the elderly woman.

“She’s a danger to herself and others Martha…”

“True as that may be…I still feel sorry for her.”

Thimp. Thump. Thimp.

Their footsteps as they walk away, voices growing further.

“Don’t pity the girl for her madness….

Dr. Graham sounded serious, then his voice switched to playful, but his words were anything but something to joke about.

“Her own mother fell victim to it, you don't wanna be the next one.”

A flustered uncomfortable laugh, and the sound of someone being lightly hit on the back or the arm.

“Dr. Graham! You're not funny.”

Creek.

A door opening.

Swish. Click.

A door closing and locking.

Click.

Lock two.

Click.

Lock three.

Click.

Lock four.

Then I fell into darkness once more.