What Went Wrong?

Kat Daniels grew up in a quaint town of McCall, Idaho where everybody knew everyone. Everywhere she went, Kat was the eye of the town for she was as beautiful as a rose. She was tall with silky blonde hair, green eyes and porcelain skin. Although she had a heart of gold, people couldn’t get past her lack of social awareness and as so she was avoided everywhere she went. Everyone knew her name but no one ever actually knew her.

Kat was entering into her freshman year at Seamore High when she suddenly felt out of sync with everyone around her. As she peered at her classmates, she felt this sinking feeling in her stomach that everything was not as it seemed. All around her was a cloud of eerie suspicion that people were constantly gossiping about her through quiet chatters and staring her down as if she was a lion’s prey. She began to sweat profusely at the thought that everyone hated her already and soon she felt as though her world was spinning. It was supposed to be a wonderful transition from middle school, and not a dreadful one.

Either way, this was Kat’s new life and she had to make the most out of it, even if she couldn’t “read the room.” She just kept her head down and tried not to stand out or make a bad impression on anyone. As hard as she tried she could never seem to fit in with everyone else regarding what the current fashion trends were or the coolest jokes to make.

Whatever she did, it seemed to be the wrong course of action. Her attempts to be popular failed miserably as all her classmates seemed to scoff at her tries and make fun of her behind her back. Time and time again she felt awkward, lonely, confused and heartbroken. She couldn’t understand why her efforts to fit in weren’t working.

All she wanted to do was to fit in and be loved by someone– now it seemed that everyone hated her without rhyme or reason. In the homeroom, guys, over the course of a few days, would pretend to like her just so they could get her to like them back and ultimately break her heart. Kids would laugh and laugh at her ignorance for not only was she gullible but she was also clueless to the fact that all these guys were just using her for their own purposes.

By the end of the day, Kat’s energy was completely depleted. It felt like everyone was laughing at her and could not see any of her efforts to fit in with the others. She looked for kinship in all the wrong places and because she did, she was scrutinized. Soon she became the walking ghost of Seamore High.

She hated her life at school and when she came home, it was just more misunderstanding and judgement. She was asked how her day was by her mom and dad but then ignored by her older brother, Jared, as he went off to attend sporting events with his friends.

Kat was very much a daddy’s girl and so she wanted to be just like him. She didn’t understand that in the society that she lived in, they expected people to adhere to their gender norms and act accordingly. She didn’t realize she was supposed to be a lady– quiet and in charge of doing the dishes, laundry, and cleaning the house. So Kat developed the attitude of questioning everything that didn’t sit right with her. Everyday she would argue with her mom, “but Jared doesn’t have to clean so why should I???” and to that her mom’s response was always, “Jared is a boy and you are a girl. One day you will be a wife and this is what will be expected.” This never sat well with Kat and soon being at home was the purgatory she was forced to live in.

No one could figure out why she was so sensitive and unlike the rest of the family– unemotional, confident, structured, orderly and part of the status quo. She got hate from every member of her family for being different, and for not partaking in making fun of someone’s attire or for not acting the part of a humble, silent, ladylike girl. The only true emotion that they showed was anger and because of that she thought that angry people were deemed as “cool.”

On holidays and family get-togethers, she would get all dolled up to impress the family she was so desperate to be a part of. Kat loved to dress girly in a cute, bright blouse, dark jeans and high heels. She also did her make-up to the nine with dark eyeliner, black mascara and a smoky eye. Although her family didn’t understand her personality, she always looked forward to seeing everyone.

As she got to her relative’s house, she was met with more awkward glances and judgmental stares. She felt super isolated and uncomfortable, but tried conversing anyway. Her younger cousins complimented her on her attire, but all of the older relatives questioned her look and why she would wear high heels when she was already tall. After all of the effort that went into her appearance and the excitement she built up for this event, she was deeply saddened by their mean comments that seemed unwarranted. No matter what she did she could never get it right and so she decided to stay silent for the rest of the night.

As soon as she got home, she ran upstairs to her room and flopped onto her bed, facedown on the pillows and began sobbing. No matter how hard she tried to fit in socially, she could never get it right and only ended up making the situation even worse. Her life was an endless nightmare with no sign of escape, and soon going to sleep felt more of a comfort than being awake.

Her life was like living in a never-ending loop of insanity and there was no exit in sight. Everywhere she went she was a walking talking ghost– alive but completely dead inside. Because of her social ineptitude, she was looked at as a broken toy by her family and a clown by others.

Kat loved the little things that made life great like cartoons and her dog, but she couldn’t take the nonstop cycle of torment that was being herself. So she did what seemed to be the most logical solution and walked through life with her head high, while trying to guess what “normal” people thought, and act how they acted.

For a while it worked with her family, but over time things became a little distraught as all her cleaning would either go unnoticed or scrutinized for not being “clean enough.” As hard as she tried, it wasn’t good enough, but keeping up the facade of what they deemed as normal was enough for her. Now that her family situation was more tolerable, she figured that changing her personality at school would also be the way to go.

The next day at school, she tried bonding with her classmates by talking about different subjects they were interested in based on the observations she made of their conversations. But they never seemed to be interested in what Kat had to say and only entertained her for a few short seconds before mimicking her attempts until she began crying.

With tears strolling down her face, she ran into the bathroom crying and sat on the tiled floor next to the blue stalls. She secretly hoped someone, anyone would come to check up on her but no one came. The girls that were in the bathroom avoided eye contact with her as if she was a disgrace to bestow upon, which made Kat feel worse and worse by the second. Moments later, one of her teachers came into the bathroom to check on her and Kat was so happy someone noticed her. But to Kat’s dismay, it was only to warn her to get off the floor as it would only attract kids to pick on her more.

No matter what Kat did and no matter how hard she tried, she was too awkward and clueless to ever succeed in Seamore High or with her own family. It seemed as though Kat was destined to live a life of uncertainty and delusion as she had to perform her way through life.