Schlaraffia

The dig

The groans and heavy wheezing filled the humid tunnel air. Yet, it was dulled by the sticky walls, which glowed in a slimy ivory color under the light of their headlamps. Johan felt sick to his stomach, breathing in the creamy, sweet air. His steps were heavy, fighting against the gluey ground with every step. Hearing one of his men losing the fight against the nausea, Johan could taste bile in his mouth.

Keep it in. You’re almost there.

A tap on his shoulders made him snap around. With sudden movement his stomach protested. He had to swallow hard a few times before he could concentrate on the crew member.

“How much further do you think we have to dig?”

The light of the headlamp cast shadows over the bloated face of the man in front of him. A quick glance at the men doing what they were paid to do told the same story. Tumid faces, enlarged bellies, labored breathing, slow movements.

With his now chubby fingers he fished out a stone medal from his breast pocket. He struggled to grab it. When his pudgy fingers finally got a hold, there was a distinguishable ripping sound.

Don’t care. When we get there, we’ll have anything we can wish for.

Tapping the middle of the stone, the inscribed runes glowed in a blue light. Lips moving, Johan finally nodded.

“Approximately 5 centimeters more.”

A choked laugh left the other man’s mouth. There were tired glances directed towards them, but nobody got up from their buckets on the floor.

“How can it still not be done! And how much time do we have left?”

This time, Johan hesitated but finally pulled up his right sleeve enough for Ralf to see the dark mark. Johan didn’t like the inquisitive look of the crew member. Quickly, he covered his wrist again.

“We have four more days.”

This made Ralf sigh in relief. Turning around to head back to the wall they were working on, Johan allowed himself to wince and rub his burning wrist. Then bile rose up his throat again. Before he could stop it, a burp escaped him. But there was no echo. His men didn’t even look up.

The speech

“… I conclude my research as follows. The myth about “The Lang of Milk and Honey” isn’t just that. It’s a real location. By finding it, we can solve the world’s problems. With the abundance of food, medicine and even eternal life, it will help us progress as humans. We will be able to take the next step towards creating a world without starvation and death.”

Confidently, Johan looked in the audience. The auditorium was packed. His wife and his son sitting next to various colleagues and friends. The president of the university was there as well as honorable alumni.

Silence. Icy silence. Johan felt the smile on his lips waver. His hand clenched around the clicker he had used for his presentation. A dry cough made his eyes focus on that person but was lost in the sea of eyes. Disdain. Contempt. Ridicule.

No! This isn’t …

“Well, thank you for this interesting presentation, Professor Homann. I’m Professor Karl Leitmayr from the University of Heidelberg. I have some questions regarding your claim that this is a real place. Could you further clarify this?”

Looking at his rival Johan could feel his heart beat faster. He opened his mouth to immediately wipe the smug smile of his colleague’s face.

“Thank you for this question, Professor Leitmayr. Professor Homann, this certainly is of utmost interest for the audience.”

The MC had cut in so suddenly that a croak escaped Johan’s throat. Snickering reached his ears. His face burnt. Turning all his attention to his slides, he clicked a few times to show the final slide.

“It’s there. Given the myths from various cultures, my calculations show that the entrance to “Schlaraffenland” or “Schlaraffia” as some might as well call it, is in fact in the forests near Berel Valley. 49.37252,86.42919”

Now, people started to murmur, and Johan flashed a smile at this colleague. A grin. Stretching his mouth it almost hurt. Johan was the one on stage. Karl was merely the audience.

But the murmur didn’t turn into more questions, as Johan had expected. The MC tried to calm down the audience. Johan looked at his department head.

Sure, Fredric is going to …

His thoughts stopped when he saw his superior’s expression. The small shake of the other man’s head made Johan’s stomach drop. Then he turned his head. The university president looked like he was going to suffocate. His face red and both hands gripping the armrests.

“Good, good. Then I will expect an expedition soon, Professor Homann. Bring us back the hope and salvation your research promises.”

The crowd immediately grew quiet. Johan’s hackles rose again. Straightening his back. Ignoring the sneers. His wife’s silent “No.” The disappointment in his old colleague’s face. Defiantly, he stared at Karl.

“I will go. I will go and make a change to this world.”

The family

“You can’t be serious! What about Erik? What about me? The house? Your parents?”

Hilde’s voice made Johan’s head ache. It was yet another discussion.

“It’ll be a simple expedition. I’ll be back latest in three months.”

The words just left his mouth when a searing hot pain shot up from his wrist. He froze. Breathing against the pain. Making sure his wife didn’t get suspicious. With shaking hands he continued packing as the heat slowly subsided.

“Is it really worth it?”

Her deflated tone made him stop mid-movement. A pair of socks in his hand, he turned around. She stood there. With her arms crossed and her lips pressed together. Her meticulously applied make-up couldn’t hide the deep lines around her mouth.

Casually, the socks were dropped in the open bag before he got up. With a few steps he was in front of her, lifting his hands to put them on her shoulder. The moment he reached her; she made a step back. His hands hovered awkwardly in the air. Then he let them drop at his side.

It’s all her nerves. I need to be understanding.

Reducing the distance by half a step, but not trying to touch her again, he started to gesture with broad movements.

“This is my chance to make a difference. Hilde, I can change the world. For the better.”

His whole arm felt like it was on fire, but he didn’t flinch.

“Johan … Can’t you see … they want you to fail. The whole excursion. Your investment. It’s all set up so you fail.”

“You don’t understand.”

As if a switch had flipped, he turned around. Without another word he went back to his bag. Staring at his itinerary for a brief moment, he resumed his packing and even started humming a strange melody. He could feel Hilde’s stare. Blood pulsated behind his temples. He didn’t see any of the items leaving his hands and ending up in the bag.

I knew it. It’s only in good times.

The door was thrown shut. He didn’t even look up.

The destination

“We’re through! We made it!”

Johan’s voice almost toppled. Sounding just like his teenage son when he had gotten the PlayStation® for Christmas. The seal on the now excavated door started to glow. It was the same hue as Johan’s medal. Sweating as if he had run a marathon, he pushed open the door. There was no time to check for his crew members.

This is it! I was right! I proved everyone wrong!

With labored breaths he jogged a few steps to feel the fresh air. Under his feet was lush soft green grass. There were bright-red dainty flowers hiding between the green stalks. Hefty fingers picked one just to see it was immediately replaced by a copy. With wide eyes he stared at the flower in the grass and then the flower in his hand. There was a distinct smell of caramelized apples exuded by the plant.

It smells like Christmas. Like … a Christmas market.

For a second the memory of his wife and son popped up in his mind but was immediately replaced by the urge to bite into the flower. His stomach was still bloated from the porridge he had stuffed down his throat to meet the deadline. While his body screamed to not consume any more, he gave in to the allure.

It was like an explosion of taste on his tongue. He could not only taste the sweetness of the sugar. The fruitiness of the apple. The hint of cinnamon, nutmeg and vanilla. He could see the past. He could taste it. His mind went blank for a second.

When he regained his senses, he stared forlorn at his hand for a second. The half-eaten flower had turned brown and with the next gust of air it was blown away.

Excitement rushed over him. His mind soared in the sky. Leaving behind the heavy clumsy body.

“Ralf! You have to try this!”

Expectantly, Johan turned around. The smile froze on his face. His crew members were nowhere to be seen. Instead, there were awkwardly shaped trees just next to the door they had just stepped through.

No! I made it in time!

The first tree he reached had moss already grown over its bark. It was as if it had been there for years. The moment Johan touched the tree, he grasped for air. Pain engulfed his body. Making it impossible to move, to breathe, to think. The intensity grew while Johan desperately tried to break contact.

“I kept my promise! How dare you betray me!”

“When an ignorant person acts

out of greed, hate, or delusion,

any deeds they have done,

a little or a lot,

are to be experienced right here,

not in any other place.”[1]

[1] Nidānasutta—Bhikkhu Sujato; Numbered Discourses 3.34 4. Messengers of the Gods Sources