Grandma's dream

November, 2011

ST Augustine, Fl - famous for being “haunted”

Every afternoon after school, my sister and I stayed at our grandmother's house Eva. We spent time there until my mom picked us up after work, my dad usually has to travel. She lived one block away from us. We had a special bond, she was my favorite person in the whole world, we could talk for hours about everything… planets, energies, universe, you named it. She always kept an eye closely to signs, it was very important to not take them for granted. “Signs are everywhere, the universe talks to us through them for a purpose, only people who are awake can notice” she used to say. My family was skeptical but I believed her, she was a great story teller and I loved listening to her talking, I felt like she was the only one that listened to me.

She believed in witches, according to her, there was no reason to be afraid of them, “they were healers” it felt like she admired them in a way. She had an explanation for every popular legend about them, “You know in Hamburg most of them were poor and single women that made their lives out of handcrafted local beer but bad greedy people had other plans and falsely accused them of bad thing to take them away from business”. I wanted to believe her but, on the other hand, I was terrified of them because my sister and I watched too many horror movies, Leyla is a big fan of everything spooky, she believe that crows are witches' messengers and black cats are the transformation bodies that they use to watch people at night.

“Be careful if you cross paths with a black cat, not only will it bring you bad luck for life but someone is watching you” Leyla said to me one time. I was afraid of them since.

My grandmother always told me about a dream that according to her was so vivid, she felt like it was a real message that she needed to pass to me. On the night I was born in November 1996, she dreamed that she was looking at herself in the mirror brushing her hair when she felt like someone was knocking at a glass window, and heard her name being whispered, she walked thru the house looking if there was someone in there, she felt a cool breeze recurring her body from the tip of her toes until the back of her head, she stayed calm and rub her arms trying to warm herself, she took a look at my nursery room and the musical mobile on top of the crib was moving. Two crows were picking at the window, which was half opened. The crows told her that a witch will come for me when I turn fifteen and that I needed to be brave. She used to tell me about that dream every single night before my birthday, until I was twelve, I asked her to stop. She wasn’t scared about it at all but I was.

“What do you mean that a witch will come how?

”My dear Lizzie, I don’t have all the answers to everything in this life, I just felt the need to pass this message to you, maybe there is something that you will need to figure out by yourself ” - Eva said.

How is it that I’m supposed to not be scared of witches, especially if they wanted to take me away from my family.

Two nights before my 15th birthday, my sister convinced me to stay up and watch Halloween even though my mom didn't let us watch horror movies because then we ended up sleeping in their room. We decided to watch the movie and not be afraid.

“We are old enough, this is just pure fiction, don’t you dare to let mom catch us” she said. We ended up sleeping in her bed, I was too afraid to sleep in my own bed. 

On my birthday eve, my mom asked me to take out the trash. It was dark and the moon was hidden by the clouds, I could feel the chills recurring on my body… and of course the Halloween persecution soundtrack started playing in my head. All of the sudden a black cat jumps on top of the trash can and growls at me. I dropped the trash, the memory of my grandmother's dream appeared in my head, I ran out to the house, desperately seeking help.

 “What happened, you look like you saw a ghost,” Mom said.

I’m hyperventilating, words can't come out of my mouth, the tears start running in my face, my lungs straining for a sound… 

“Mom please you need to help me, they are coming tonight, they are going to take me” I was sobbing

“Did you watched scary movies again? Leyla how my times have I told you, you know Elizabeth get scared with everything” she raised her voice, she was mad at us.

“No it was not a scary movie mom, I saw a black cat when I was out taking the trash, it is a witch she is watching me out. Grandma's dream is coming true, please you have to believe her, please I am turning fifteen this midnight”

“Lizzie, Eva dreams a lot of things she is not always right, and that was Tom, Ms Fredrickson's cat, there is nothing to be afraid of” My father said

“Wait what? Not always right? Do you mean that sometimes she is right? When? How? What happened? I did not care that Tom was my neighbor’s cat, it was a black cat!

“George don’t scared her more than she is” - My mom said

“She had dreamed about lottery numbers and I won a few times, but it had been years since the last time she predicted something. I did not win the whole number but just a few and made like 200$ out of it, it was luck nothing else” dad said.

I could feel how my whole world was falling apart, so my grandmother had like a real power, she was a psychic and my family did not take her seriously enough they thought she was kinda hippie or over the top, I did not. I did believe her! Their eyes are not opened like mine.

I never liked celebrating much my birthdays, the last couple of years my dad wasn't even there he was traveling, I thought that maybe this year it would be different because he was here but this is the worst, my dad would have to fight with some witch.

My mom asked my grandmother to come to my house to calm me down, but, instead of that, she went home to make me company, we finally convinced my family to stay up “all night”, we made a little camping in the living room, it was cozy and nice, and it was nice to spend some time together. I forgot about the dream for a moment, we were watching Shrek, my favorite movie. It makes me laugh every time. I was snuggling up with my father and my sister, it started to rain and we were cold, my mother took out my favorite blanket. I wanted the time to stop, it felt like everything was going to be alright and this was turning into one of the best nights of my life.

My dad yawn and I could notice he was sleepy,

“If you close your eyes is because you don’t love me and you want them to take me away” 

“I would die for you, no one is taking you away I promise” he said

My eyelids were getting heavier and heavier, I could barely have them open, it was harder to control my body… the last thing I remember about that night was my mom giving me a chamomile tea to calm my nerves…

I am confused, where am I? My sight was blurry, I believe that I woke up in some sort of maze, it was dark and foggy, it was hard to see what was happening, I lost my voice, no one was listening to me, I couldn't hear anything, my legs felt heavy, I am trying to scream but I feel like I am drowning, like if I was under water. Despair is taking over my body, frightened and heartbreak-ed. Did my family give up on me? What happened to them? I felt guilty, anxious and sad. What if something bad happened to them because of me, or were they tired of me and prefer to give me away? 

I saw something small lightning up, it was twinkling, it looked like a firefly, then another and another, I ran my hands over my eyes and started to follow the little lights in the sky, maybe I will find my way out. A blue light began to descend from the sky, I was dumbfounded, it was so beautiful, I felt calm, it was sparkling and made a cat form. I heard a whisper saying “follow me”. I could finally see it, it was a beautiful white cat, it felt magical, like a light blue shadow outline the cat silhouette. All the fear left my body, something in me trusted this cat. I started walking alongside it, and I finally saw my house, the sun was lighting my house, it looked like a beautiful morning. 

“Thank you, you saved me” I said while petting it head in the middle of the ears

The cat had the most beautiful eyes. They stared at me in a beautiful way, I could see a sparkle in their eyes, one eye was blue and the other was green. I was safe.

“Girls wake up, Lizzie wake up, I made chocolate chips pancakes” I heard my moms voice

I could feel a light of sun in my face right through the living room, my sister was cuddling me. “Hey you survive,” she said.

“Hey I made it through the night, I guess you lose your powers granny” I said in a relieved tone.

“Oh darling sometimes we need to learn how to read the dreams, the messages. I never said they were going to take you away, you interpreted it in that way. You will know what it means when you needed to" she said.

Fifteen years later

I was back in town after a couple of years living in L.A. I returned for my 30th birthday. My grandmother was sick for a couple of months now, my family was thinking maybe this was her last couple of months on this earth. I wanted to be there for her. I felt guilty for having 4 years without going to visit her in FL, to be honest I was embarrassed because I never accomplish what I was looking for when I moved from FL, however, we talked every week, my mom taught her how to answer Facetime calls. I tried to hide her my own problems, I didn't wanted her to get worried about me, somehow she knew something was happening.

Those past few days we spent our days doing her favorite things, go and feed the stray cats, play cards, I baked her favorite pastries even though she was on a "diet" and of course our favorite thing read novels and talk about everything for hours. I felt I was finally home.

She never moved out of her house, she did not wanted to be a burden to my parents and she didn't wanted to be in an asylum. My mom and dad went every day to visit her in the afternoons, and she had a nurse taking care of her. I stayed at her house, it was a little neglected. I was staying in the guest room downstairs, the bathroom was outside, you needed to walk through a large hallway that had a view to the kitchen window. The stairs and the door makes that typical sound in scary movies, the pipes also make little sounds at night. I decided to not let myself be influenced by scary thoughts, I was not a kid anymore. I don’t know why the Halloween soundtrack movie started playing in my head. I laughed “I think I am getting crazy now” 

The night before my birthday, I went to dinner with some friends that I haven’t seen in a while. I was going to celebrate my actual birthday with my family at my grandma's house. Getting out of the house, I saw a shadow, when I turned back, I saw a black cat running towards the backyard. Halloween sound track again playing in my head, I ran to the car and got out of there really fast and tried to not think much of it. 

After dinner, around 10:30 pm I was walking to the back parking lot was empty and dark, I try to calm myself nothing is happening, a hard sound like a door I start running toward the car I dropped the key nervous feelings and get it the card in a hurry lock the doors, and a sweet lady told me miss you dropped out this out of your pocket, it was my phone. I can finally breathe again phew! 

The streets were empty, it felt lonely, I guess that is normal on Fall nights people want to be home early with their families being warm at their homes. This season gets a little nostalgic, it’s only a month before the year ends again, it's just a matter of time for me to set all my new years resolutions all over again even if I did not finish the previous one. So much time has passed since the last time I was here, so many things have changed, I have changed. I am turning 30, life has passed so fast, I stopped to think “What have I done with my life?” I always dreamed about becoming an illustrator, working in a big Disney production and having my name on the credits, however I just settled down for a graphic design job at a small marketing company. I like my job but I would like more creative freedom, being in a big city is incredible and also are the bills. I never gave up I just stopped trying. When I am here, when I am with my family I feel like a girl again. All these memories came to my mind and I remembered… the dream.

I got home safe. I am trying not to think much about the dream and go straight to bed but I start having doubts about my life's choices, wondering if was it worth it, my parents went old, my grandmother was sick and I would like to share more time with my nieces, I barely knew them. I thought that leaving this town and going far away was going to make me happy but I realize I wasn’t, so… was it worth it? I needed to stop over thinking, so I headed to the kitchen to make a chamomile tea, it help me sleep. 

11:45pm. I turned the light, it only lights up to the half of the hallway, I give a look at the button of the kitchen and the moon light reflect on the window, it was half opened, suddenly the fear begins to take me. “I think I better go back to bed” 

 I see something at the edge of the window, two red dots that start to get bigger and bigger, red glowing eyes, it looks like it has two little horns on the head… I wiped my eyes with my hands, I am trying to clear my view because this doesn't seem right… Am I hallucinating? No no no… this got to be a dream. I took the strength to run to the kitchen switch, I needed some light. 

It was the black cat that I saw early, it was trying to get behind the fridge. The cat was really fat and it can’t get in, oh is not fat is pregnant, is a female cat! Seeing the eyes of the cat it hit me, she is more scared than I am, you can notice on her eyes, she was in pain. I immediately stopped being scared, she needed my help! 

I ran to look up for some blankets and made a little improvised bed for her. She let me take care of her, I forgot she is a black cat. I just felt so much love at that moment, she trusted me. She gives birth to a beautiful white cat, the most tiny cute cat I’ve ever seen. I stayed to take care of them all night. When the sun came out through the kitchen window, I had the same feeling that fifteen years ago, a ray of sun in my face. The cats were by my side, the sunlight reflected on Agatha's eyes (the black cat) big beautiful green eyes and the coat was so shiny that it looked like silver glitter, like when the sea is sparkling for the sun. How could I be scared of her? I was excited about it and wanted to run upstairs to tell my grandma.

 She had left us on that dawn, peacefully at her bed. Maybe she had something to do with this, maybe she sent them to me to keep me company, maybe it had something to do with her dream after all. I still have so many questions, but I am at peace with the fact that we had some time together for her last few days, for her last time.

Fear could take the narrative of the reality we are living. Agatha my black cat, reminds me that every time I see her. She and Tom are the greatest gift that my grandma could give to me. Tom have a blue and a green eye just like the cat in her dream.