The Source

At lunch time, Armand sat under the tree at the far end of the playground. His friend, Tanya, would meet him there and they would eat lunch together. Tanya was his first, and only friend at school, and in the town.

In August, his family moved to this town. He was the perennial new kid. Making friends had never been so difficult for him.

Tanya was clear about the strict boundaries around their friendship. They weren’t girlfriend and boyfriend. Just friends. That’s how she wanted it. And that meant no kissing or cuddling.

Someday, he thought. Sixth grade won’t last forever.

This school was different. Far more cliquish than the four other schools he’d attended. Maybe if he weren’t ‘the new kid’ entering school at sixth grade. Making friends in second and third grades was a snap. He needed to adapt to unstated rules he wasn’t privy to. Not yet.

Armand liked a challenge.

Tanya waved a little as she approached their shared tree. Seeing her made him happy. Despite her impenetrable boundaries, Tanya always made Armand feel comfortable.

She said, “You already eat?”

“Yeah… Where you been?”

“Had to meet with a couple friends from church about this retreat coming up.”

“Retreat? Who’s attacking?”

“No. It’s not like that. Every year our church has us gather for a weekend. They call it a retreat.”

“Huh…”

“What church do you go to?”

There it was again. The question everyone asked Armand. ‘What religion are you?’

Armand never knew what to say. “We don’t go to church.”

Tanya made a little face and looked away.

He said, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s okay. I guess… Seems like you’re missing out, though…”

Is this the key? Had Armand discovered why he couldn’t make friends? What exactly am I missing?

Kids would ask him his religion. He’d say, he didn’t know. He’d ask ‘What’s yours?’

Armand couldn’t believe how many brands of church there were in this little town. Most kids identified as Lutheran. Some as Methodist, or Episcopalian. Others claimed to be Presbyterian. Whatever that was. There were a few Catholics, but they stuck to themselves.

No one could tell him the differences between them, except for the buildings where they met. Most churches had bell towers. One looked like a bank to Armand. It had tall smooth pillars in front, like a plantation house.

He had no idea what happened inside of them. His family never went. They spent most Sundays watching TV. Armand played video games and watched sports with his dad while his mom cooked dinner.

On Tuesday afternoons, school let out early. All the kids went to their respective churches for religious instruction. Not assigned to a church, Armand stayed in school with his teacher, Mrs. Hudson. She kept him busy helping prepare class projects.

When Gil, his dad, got home from work, Armand met him at the door.

“Dad, does God exist?”

“That’s a silly question.”

“So, He does?”

“Sure. The short answer would be ‘Yes.’ “

Armand looked at his father. He knew there would be more.

“And the long answer?”

His father chuckled.

“You’re pretty young, Armie. I don’t want to wade too far into the weeds… But, to be honest, no. ‘We,’ your mother and I, don’t believe in God.”

“How come?”

“Why all the questions? Someone at school bugging you?”

“You know… I’m curious. You always said to be curious.”

“Uh huh. Well, let me put it this way…” Gil sighed. “I don’t feel the need to cram my happy life into some second hand, mumbo jumbo. I’m happy the way I am. Think I’m a pretty good person. Your mom too. We do fine without some used car salesman with his hand out, selling some bill of goods about ‘burning in hell.’”

Gil’s voice intensified as he spoke. On the phrase, ‘burning in hell’ Gil raised his arms and shouted.

“Oh. Okay. That’s why we don’t go to church?”

“Basically. There’s more to it, but sure, that sums it up. Going on and on about how guilty you are for everything.”

“If that’s it, why does anyone go?”

“Beats me. You may have heard me say this before… I don’t need any self-appointed ‘expert’ to tell me how to live.”

“And why so many churches? What’s the difference?”

Gil smiled. “It boils down to any time you have three people talking, you’re bound to get at least four opinions. You know, should you crack the egg open at the wide or narrow end? Important stuff…”

Armand couldn’t believe it. “Really?”

“Not exactly that, but might as well be… An awful lot of people got killed in wars over religion. That seems like the most popular excuse for killing people.”

Armand looked down. “I had no idea.”

“You’re welcome. Let’s have dinner. The game’s about to start. Go Lions!”

Armand felt, because he lacked some secret knowledge, he couldn’t be friends with other kids. But if his dad was right, who needs friends like that?

But Tanya’s smart. How can such nonsense fool her?

Dinner was good.

Armand told his mom, Samantha, about his conversation with his dad. “Mom… Dad told me about God.”

His parents exchanged glances.

She said, “Bound to come up sooner or later… What did he say?”

“Everyone at school goes to one church or another… So, I asked…”

Gil broke in. “I basically told him that God is busy. If we don’t bother him, he’ll leave us alone.” He looked at Armand. “Right?”

“Yeah… if we’re good, we don’t have to buy a car or burn in hell.”

Nodding, Samantha stifled a smile. Gil began explaining the nuances of their conversation but she stopped him.

“It’s okay. I can connect the dots.” She looked at Armand. “Look around you… If you have a good life, it’s because your dad works hard and I take care of our home.”

Armand nodded. It made sense.

The guys ate fast and adjourned to the living room to watch the game. Samantha let them go. She liked her time alone.

Just before half time, the Eagle’s defense collapsed. Gil cheered when their quarterback got crushed by the Lions. The crowd groaned.

Gil yelled. “Yes! Woo hoo! Take that, you little creep…” He punched Armand’s shoulder. “Did you see that? Hope they replay it. Delicious…”

Players stood up and milled about but the quarterback lay still. Men ran onto the field carrying a stretcher. The announcer raved about how this could upend the season for the Eagles.

Armand said, “He’s not moving. Is he dead?”

Gil leaned toward the TV. “Can always hope. But no. He’s moving. Barely… Yup… Out of the game, for sure.” Chuckling, he crossed his fingers. “Might be the end of his career.”

The announcers vamped while they carried the quarterback off the field. Pounding the coffee table, Gil couldn’t contain his glee. The tide had turned. The Lions won the game.

Their winning didn’t matter so much to Gil as the injuries sustained by the Eagles’ quarterback. He couldn’t stop talking about that.

At lunch, the next day, Armand met Tanya under their tree. Trying to think of how to ask her, he watched her eat. The distant sounds of children playing filled the silence.

Tanya noticed Armand’s silence. “What’s up?”

“Oh… I was wondering. What do you do at church? Is it scary?”

“Anything but. Who told you that? We worship God. We look at our lives to become the people God wants us to be.”

“Isn’t it a lot of rules and blame and guilt?”

“No... More like becoming part of something bigger than ourselves. You know, helping people. Sharing joy… Oh, there’s the Golden Rule.”

“I knew it. That’s the one that goes, ‘the one with the gold makes the rules…’”

“Uhm, no.”

“What, then?”

“That we should treat others like we want to be treated.”

“Oh, that makes sense. I didn’t know that was a rule. I thought it was just how we’re supposed to act.”

She nodded.

Armand tried to make sense out of what Tanya said. It contradicted what his dad said. How could it be so different? Dad wouldn’t lie. But why would Tanya?

“So, is it like a club?”

“I have friends there, of course. We have fun… But it’s bigger than that… Like I’m plugged into the source… having a purpose…”

“My parents think it’s a scam. That God’s a fairy tale.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that. But what about... You believe the whole universe popped into existence by itself? No cause and effect? When does that happen? Like ever?”

“I’d have to think about that…”

“Look, there’s a lot I don’t know, Armand. And I’m not good at explaining. But if you want to, come on Sunday and see for yourself… Or not… Up to you.”

“Maybe…”

Armand’s dad thought he wanted to join a cult.

“It’s church dad. Millions of people go on Sunday. Maybe it’s a good thing.”

“But this church? What’s it called? The Church of the Open Palm?”

“The plaque on the front says, ‘Since 1875.’ They’ve been around.”

“Sheep to the slaughter. Perfecting their grift for over a century…”

“It sounds like it might be nice. You and mom are welcome, too. Let’s all go…”

“I’ll pass.”

Armand looked at his mom.

She said, “You go. Tell us about it. Then we’ll decide.”

Gil said, “If you come back talking like a pod person, we’ll be able to get you deprogrammed.”

“What’s a pod person?”

Samantha said, “Your dad’s joking. I hardly think they’ll have you brainwashed in a one-hour service.” She looked at her husband. “It’ll be fine, Gil. Don’t make it weird.”

Gil shrugged.

That Sunday morning, Armand met Tanya outside her church before the service. It was an easy walk.

Happy to see him, Tanya said, “You came! Let’s go in.”

“My parents couldn’t make it…”

“That’s cool. We can sit with my friends…”

They entered the church. People filed into the bright sanctuary. It had a high, arched ceiling. Sunlight streamed through stained glass windows.

Tanya introduced Armand to a handful of her friends and they sat a pew near the front of the church.

A band backing up four singers played upbeat worship music. The pastor came out and spoke for half an hour.

Using scripture as support, the pastor explained that God was the source of all good. And that the more we depend on Him, the better things go for us. He also pointed out that God doesn’t promise we won’t ever have problems, but that He always sees us through them.

Everyone laughed when the pastor said, “Cheer up, saints, it’s gonna get worse.”

When the service was over, Tanya and Armand walked out together.

She said, “What’d you think?”

Armand was in awe of everything that he’d experienced. “I pretty much loved it. The pastor said things I never heard before. Didn’t expect to laugh. The music was cool. That song they sang, ‘Oh my soul…’ is still in my head. What is that? The soul?”

“Yeah, it’s a classic. The soul is like, what would be left if you lost everything. What makes you, you?”

He said, “I never thought about all this before. Thanks…”

“Pastor Williams talks about different stuff every Sunday. Hey, and now you can come to our Tuesday, Bible study…”

“I can?”

“Sure. Why not?”

Armand pondered this new information. “I don’t know… Maybe I will…”

She let him go. “Glad you came. See you in school.”

Armand walked home. He had so many questions. He didn’t know where to begin.

He walked into his house. In the living room stood a new bicycle he’d been saving his allowance for. It had a gear shift and hand brakes. The headlight and tail lights were a nice addition. Painted metallic blue, it was everything he’d wanted.

Gil stepped into the room with a big grin.

Armand said, “Dad… what’s this? I was going to buy it…”

“I want you to know how proud I am of you, Armand.”

“But… my birthday isn’t for months.”

“I like that you know your mother and I do everything for you. We’re the source of all the good in your life. It’s important that you know that.”

“Well, yeah… Of course! Thanks… Can I take it out for a ride?”

“That’s what it’s for. Stay safe.”

Armand wheeled his new bike out of the house. He watched for traffic, mounted it and pedaled his way out of the initial wobble. Soon he found his rhythm and cruised over to the park. He loved feeling the wind in his face. He felt free.

A million thoughts filled his head.

“What do I believe?”