Heartfelt

Abigail's eyes landed on Roselynn Rosas and the percussion section in her chest went crazy. She stood to the side of her window. Cream colored curtains fluttered in a warm breeze. On the lawn a group of seniors were playing badminton. Roselynn had just dove for a stroke, missed, and was rolling on the ground laughing. Abigail’s heart thundered.

Boom, boom.

She was sure the whole school could hear it. But, If she stood just so, no one from the lawn could see her in her hiding spot. From here she could watch. Watch her classmates running about. Khaki shorts against tanned skin. Sun bouncing off bleach white polos.

Abigail tightened her pony tail. She couldn’t stand the heat. Her oscillating fan buzzed and rattled as it rotated in the corner. But Roselynn didn’t seem to mind it. She smiled constantly, seeming not to notice her own dampening hair that had begun to cling to her neck.

Boom, boom!

Did the glass pane just rattle?

Bang, bang!

Abigail startled at the loud knock. Gulping air, trying to calm herself, she stumbled to the door, and yanked it open just as her best, and only, friend Linzy raised her fist for another slam.

“Dude! You’re gonna break down the door!”

“Dude!” Linzy mocked her. “I’ve been knocking for like, a full five minutes!”

“Yeh, whatever” Abigail rolled her eyes, but wondered to herself, just how long had her friend been knocking?

“Well,” Linzy glanced down at Abigail’s socked feet. “Are you ready or what?”

“Ready?”

“For the Recycling Club?” Linzy whined. “Come on Abigail, this is important!”

“Oh yeah, yeah, sorry I forgot.” Abigail flopped to the floor, digging out her tennis shoes from beneath her bed where she’d hastily kicked them off after breakfast.

“You forgot?! How could you forget this! If I am going to get that scholarship, you know I have got to boost my extra-curriculars Abigail.”

“I know!” Abigail exclaimed, cramming her feet into the already tied shoes, digging her finger into the heel to flip the perpetually bent lip up. Her mother would have killed her.

“Seriously Abigail, I don’t think you get it. There’s no college fund waiting for me. Whatever this is, the way you’ve been just, well, out of it lately, I just.” Linzy trailed off. “I need you for this, okay?”

Abigail sighed, stood, and placed her hands on her friend’s shoulders. She looked her directly in the eyes, “I KNOW Linzy. I am so here for this and 100% on board for whatever save-the-world idea you’ve come up with.”

Linzy tried to keep her mouth in a scowl, but quickly lost the battle. Within seconds her wide gap toothed grin lit up her face and the stress line between her brows smoothed.

“Good! Okay, come on. I can’t be late. I started the group after all!”

Linzy reached out, taking Abigail's warm clammy hand into her cool fingers. The clanging and clattering of Abigail's world quieted for a moment, before starting back up again as she was guided through the bustling halls. All she needed to do was follow. And since the difficult work of considering others and navigating the crowd was handled, Abigail was okay to lose herself in her thoughts.

At times like these it occurred to her that maybe she should thank Linzy. But how? For what?

Thanks…for being fearless? Thanks for fitting in when I don’t?

Thanks for getting one of three scholarships to the school, because if she hadn’t Abigail would have spent every spare moment barricaded in her room, her head under a blanket with the only other friends she had. Her books.

Abigail shook her head, clearing the scene from her mind like a cobweb. She trailed behind all four feet eleven inches of Linzy. Her fastidious bun bobbing like a beacon leading her through the seemingly never ending days of freshmen and sophomore year.

Until today, a Saturday at the beginning of Junior year, when they arrived at the dining hall. Linzy sat at the head of a long table, pulling Abigail down into the chair on her right. No one else wanted to sit in the hot seats.

When the clock hand struck the hour, Linzy struck the table with a small gavel. The hollow sound echoed off the ceiling and Linzy called the meeting to order.

Abigail assumed her usual position. Slouched in her chair, arms folded across her chest. She stared intently at the gavel. Where had Linzy found that?

Linzy had begun to introduce herself, hadn’t gotten much past her name, when the doors to the room banged open wide. A group of six girls herded in, giggling and talking in high pitched voices. They were seniors and Abigail thought Linzy’s eyes might pop from her head when…

“Shhhhhhhhh!” Roselynn Rosas stepped forward, quieting her friends.

Boom, boom.

Abigail sat up straight. She gripped the sides of her chair. Blood pulsed loudly against the wood.

“Shhh,” Roselynn said again, more seriously this time. Her best friend, Grace, a broad shouldered red-head, began quieting the rest of the girls even though their voices had already died to a murmur.

Roselynn turned her eyes to Linzy. “I’m sooo sorry,” she cooed.

“No worries,” Linzy said. But Abigail heard the strain. Irritation and feelings of disrespect boiled under the surface of the words. “Are you here for the Recycling Club?”

“Yes!” Roselynn Rosa exclaimed, quickly covering the distance from the door to the table. She stood between them. The smell of sunshine warmed the air.

Boom, boom.

Roselynn must have sensed Linzy’s reticence, and began to plead her case. “I know we are late, but I would really like to join. I am so passionate about conservation.” She sounded, well, sincere. You’d think that Roselynn Rosa lived and breathed sustainability.

Linzy, and everyone in the room were now under her spell. “Of course,” Linzy smiled. “Have a seat.” Roselynn’s friends filled in the seats around the table. Roselynn herself sat to Linzy’s left, Grace by her side, and directly across from Abigail.

“As I was saying…”

Abigail tried to focus. But Roselynn pursed her lips. Her thick black eyebrows scrunched. Occasionally she would slowly nod her head or murmur a melodic, “Mmhmmmmm”, dragging out the hum until it was all Abigail could hear. The perfection of her concentration and interest was impossibly distracting.

When Linzy cracked a joke about a recycling bin breaking up with a trash can, paused dramatically, and delivered the punch line, “Because it felt like the relationship was just… wasted potential!” Roselynn Rosas laughed enthusiastically. The table laughed with her.

Abigail realized too late. She wasn’t laughing. An awkward HA, her last second attempt to join in, echoed in the post joke silence. Irritated stares and arched eyebrows were aimed at her from her classmates’ faces.

And then, Abigail heard Roselynn’s true laugh. It started softly, like the tinkling of chimes, and then crescendoing until she threw her head back, black curls bouncing against her shoulder, the music of her laugh filling the room.

Boom, boom!

The group chuckled, reluctantly, their foreheads crinkling in confusion. Grace’s star was disapproving as she delivered an obligatory but half hearted laugh in support of her best friend.

Eventually the music died off, but it was gradual like the sound of a water bottle being filled from the tap, until Roselynn had her fill. Linzy glanced from Roselynn to Abigail as if to say, Are you finished? Roselynn smiled brightly back at her, Abigail swallowed, and Linzy continued talking.

Thirty long minutes later, Linzy banged her toy gavel and the meeting was adjourned. Unfortunately, such gatherings required at least a few minutes of post-meeting socializing. The girls gathered into their groups. Linzy’s friend group had begrudgingly allowed Abigail to squeeze in. Roselynn, Grace, and the rest of their group circled up on the other side of the table.

All the girls chattered excitedly, their voices a cacophony of sounds, freed after the confinement of the meeting. Linzy contributed enthusiastically, on a high from the success of her mission. Abigail stared past her friend’s shoulder at Roselynn who was speaking directly to Grace. Absent-mindedly she reached her hand and its peach painted fingernails into her short’s pocket. She withdrew something.

Abigail lips shaped into a silent Oh. It was cherry chapstick. Roselynn removed the cap. Pressed the pink wax to her mouth and dragged it across her full lower lip. The tip of her tongue slid over her lip, and Abigail thought she tasted cherries.

Boom, boom.

“Isn’t that RIGHT Abigail?” Linzy cocked her head, blocking Abigail’s view over her friend’s shoulder, and pulling her back to reality.

“Um, yeah?” She hadn’t meant for it to be a question.

Linzy rolled her eyes, and behind her Grace scowled in Abigail’s direction before following Roselynn out of the room.

Abigail waited to help Linzy clean up. She knew it was a feeble attempt to make amends for her lackluster performance today. When all the other girls had cleared out they began to push the chairs under the table in silence.

Abigail felt her toe tap against something. Looking down she saw a tube rolling across the floor. The cherry chapstick. She clenched her hands, feeling sweat bead on her palms, and bent slowly at the knees, trying to stay calm and nonchalant as she scooped up the tube and shoved it into her own pocket.

Boom, boom.

“Anyway,” Linzy broke the silence as she pushed in the last chair. “I think it went great.” A peace offering.

“Me too, really Linz. I think this is a great idea. Hey, I’m uh,” she wrapped her fingers around the chapstick in her pocket. “Gonna head back to my room.”

“Um…okay.” Linzy didn’t fight it. She knew better than to push for more from Abigail.

The trip back to her room was a blur. Before she knew it, Abigail was shut in her room, her back against her door, breathing heavily. Her fingers reached into her pocket, searching for evidence that it had been real. And there it was.

She withdrew it, letting the chapstick roll in her open palm. Gently, she removed the lid, careful not to scrape the waxy substance. Drawing it closer to her nostrils, she breathed in. Artificial sweetness filled her senses.

Abigail walked over to the mirror above her dresser. She leaned forward, her face inches from the glass. Her frizzy brown hair had begun to come loose from her pony tale and framed her face. Freckles littered her cheeks, nose and forehead. Her lips were thin and the palest of pink.

She pursed her lips, as much as she could, and parted them slightly. The same way her sister would do on a Saturday night. She raised the cherry chapstick to her lower lip, just as Roselynn had done, smoothed it across. The pale pink tent of her lips bloomed into a rose colored glossy hue. She rubbed her lips together and licked them.

Boom, boom.

~~~

In the following months blue recycling cans began to appear all across campus. Linzy posted charts and graphs on bulletin boards in the halls, illustrating the impact the club was having. Attendance was bursting at the seams with new members. Every Thursday Abigail would wake, see the club meeting on her calendar, and her stomach would stir with a mix of excitement and dread.

You may have thought their seats had been assigned, because every Thursday Linzy sat at the head of the table with Abigail to her right and Roselynn to her left. The cherry chapstick was always in Abigails pocket, but Roselynn must have had a supply of them, because she would often produce another tube and apply the waxy seal during their meeting. When she did, Abigail made sure to look away, but couldn’t help lick her lips.

Boom, boom.

The teachers noticed. A field trip was scheduled to a local farm called the Renewable Resource Ranch. Two buses the school had purchased in the 80s screeched to a stop in front of the entrance where dozens of giggling teen girls loaded onto them. Abigail, as usual, was swept along by Linzy’s enthusiasm.

At the ranch they were led in long snaking lines through barns, between compost heaps and into long greenhouses that were like mazes of plants. When some girls found a compost pile full of worms they squealed, and Abigail thought she could hear the chime of Roselynn’s laughter rise above the others.

She like the greenhouse. There were twists and turns and places to lose yourself. Abigail found herself alone amongst rows of tall deep green plants. The waxy leaves reminded her of her treasure, and she reached into her pocket. She’d stopped applying the chapstick weeks ago, fearing it would run out. But she opened it and held it up to her nose, closing her eyes, and smiling as she breathed in.

“What the…”

Abigail’s eyes flew open to see Grace’s disapproving face staring at her from the end of the row. Several girls were behind her, watching and waiting to see what would happen.

“Where did you get that?” Grace accused, and it occurred to Abigail that Grace was the least gracious person she’d ever met. “It’s Roselynn’s isn’t it? She’s the only one I know that wears cherry chapstick.” The other girls murmured in agreement.

And just then Roselynn rounded the corner. She looked from her best friend to Abigail. Understanding lit her face.

“You’re a FREAK!” Grace spat. Abigail felt her chest begin collapsing inward.

“Grace,” Roselynn chimed. “Calm down.” Grace bristled, clenching her fists.

“But Ros,”

“It’s OKAY! I loaned it to her.” Roselynn smiled at Abigail. “Are your lips better? I hate having chapped lips.”

Boom, boom.

“Abigail?” Roselynn Rosa prompted.

“Oh, yeah. Yeah, thanks.”

“Good!” She smiled, pleased with the response. And it seemed to Abigail an orchestra was playing. “Let’s go guys,” Roselynn Rosa said, and the girls dispersed. Abigail stuffed the chapstick back into her pocket.

~~~

It started to rain that night. Abigail lay on her bed reading a book, her bedside lamp illuminating her bed in a pool of light. The rain streaked down the window and projected onto the wall. Drop of water raced from the ceiling to the floor.

At first she thought she imagined it, but a few seconds later, there was a light tap at her door. Abigail pressed her bookmark into the spine and laid it gingerly on her bed. She padded over to the door and opened the door.

Roselynn Rosas stood in the hall. Her pink robe and slippers a bright contrast to the darkness of the hallway.

“Hi there! Can I come in?” She made it so easy for Abigail to say say yes.

“Um, sure.”

Roselynn walked across the room to the bed. She sat, looked around her, and when she spotted the book she picked it up tinderly. Delicately she parted the cover and began to skim the book jacket.

“Do you like to read?” Abigail was surprised to hear her own voice ask the question.

“Mmmhmm,” Roselynn Rosa hummed, and then looked up to smile at her. “Is this a good one?”

“Oh yeah, I really like it,” she replied, sitting on the opposite end of the bed.

“Maybe I can borrow it, when you’re done?”

“Oh huh.”

They sat in silence. Roselynn seemed relaxed. Abigail tapped her foot on the floor.

“There’s this boy, this boy back home. He goes to my church.”

“Oh.”

“His name is Doug.”

“Uh huh.”

“He is really cute.” Roselynn Rosa pulled her legs up onto the bed and hugged her knees. “I think he might ask me out on holiday break.”

Abigail sat in silence. She pressed her lips together and shook her head in the affirmative. Hoping it would suffice.

“Do you, I mean, do you have any crushes? On boys? In your hometown?” she pressed, chewing her lower lip. Abigail wondered if it tasted like cherries.

“Oh,” Abigail raised her eyebrows in surprise to have the question aimed at her. “Oh, I mean, I don’t really have any crushes…..” her voice trailed off and softly added, “at home I mean.”

Roselynn giggled. But there wasn’t any music in it.

“Maybe you will meet someone, over the holiday, I mean.”

“Maybe.”

Roselynn looked down at the book beside her on the bed, and seemed to consider it. Without looking up, she murmured, “I think we should be friends.”

Abigail swallowed. “Friends?”

Roselynn reached over and squeezed Abigail's hand.

Boom, boom!

“Friends, I mean, that’s what we are, aren’t we?” She smiled hesitantly, expectantly at Abigail.

The raindrops raced to the floor. “Friends,” Abigail said, squeezing her hand back. And the drums stopped.

Roselynn stood, laid the book on the bed, and said goodnight. Abigail watched the door swing shut, and close with a quiet boom.