Too Late For Dinner

CW: This story contains themes of grief, family trauma, and fire-related accidents.

“It’s too late to join in so I’ll just settle down in my corner chair and watch. It’s never changed, dinner is always at 6.30 on the dot.”

“There’s not as much chatter as usual, Jamie seems very quiet. He probably has the fire on his mind. Oh my God the fire! I had forgotten again. What must those Grandchildren be going through? Never mind they’re Mum and Dad! Totally unexpected. Again! There are so many things that could, should, have been talked about to try and get them prepared this time. What have I always said? ‘Preparation is everything.’ Too late for that now, like so many other things. Poor kids!”

“It’s really nice that Paul got home early. Eating together is so important. That was always Rod’s problem, with his job you just never knew. I remember when he was teaching Paul to drive. He’d come home from a days work and rush his dinner so he could take Paul out before it got too dark. He needed the stress of teaching like a hole in the head. No wonder he lost his hair so young.”

She chuckles but then frowns.

“That was when he started smoking again. Bloody cigarettes!”

“I can see Ella is playing with her phone at the table. She’ll be in trouble in a minute, when her Mum or Dad notice... Maybe I should have tried harder with my phone. I just couldn’t get into it. I know Rod would have done if he’d had the chance. He liked anything new and technical. That was a laugh when he first tried using that automatic paint roller and turned it on with it facing towards him. Took me ages to get the paint out of his hair!.. He was a good man, my Rod, always kept himself busy decorating and doing stuff round the house... It used to worry him that we couldn’t afford many holidays when Paul was little. I told him not to think about it. It never bothered me… It got easier once I’d started my job again.”

“It’s still light enough to see the garden through the window, that’s nice. Paul will be managing that on his own now. He never really liked me interfering anyway. I know that.. I hope he’s talked to the children about the gas. They need to remember all the dangers.”

“Leave your phone Ella please.” Paul’s voice sounded softer than usual.

“I don’t like to think about the accident, what-if’s are no good to anybody. You can plan all you like. Things will still go wrong. Especially when you’re in a rush. You have to stand and think sometimes… Get everything together in your mind.”

“The table really does seems quiet though. I just hope me being missing isn’t the only reason. Sometimes it just is quiet… sometimes. Still it’s nice to think back to all the noisy dinners. I remember the Christmas after Ella was born, it was chaos. It’s amazing how one baby can change everything so much! That was before I was living here of course and, maybe, me and Rod making a big fuss of the first grandchild didn’t help with the order of things. But it was such a happy time. I wouldn’t have missed that for anything... It’s just a shame that Rod never got to see the children growing up. They’ve got no memory of him at all now of course. It’s almost unbelievable that we should both go the same way... Bloody gas!” My memory again, but at least it wasn’t a cigarette this time."

“Still the whole family made me welcome after Rod was gone. I was much better off once I was living here. It wasn’t just the money. I was getting older and maybe sometimes a bit confused… Strange, all the time I spent trying to remember, and now I’ll probably be expected to forget everything... It was always worse when I was rushed. ‘The Minibus is waiting, handbag, shoes, anything I've forgotten to do, have I got a key?’… always a rush…. I have no idea how long I’ll be allowed to stay here now. I’m not sure what the rules are... I’ll go in a minute. Just want to sit and look at them all. So close, yet so far..”

“Yes they looked after me really well when I came to live here. I know it might have been a problem sometimes but they’re family and never complained. There’s nobody else really. A few down at the Centre, but they won’t miss me. Especially on the minibus. Always late I was. … I know I’ve got to leave in a minute... Hark at me, keep talking about ‘a minute!’ Don’t really know what that means anymore… But staying here won’t serve no purpose, I can’t be included now. They’ll manage dinner time without me!… If there’s a plan for me I don’t know what it is yet. Planning. That used to be my big thing. Oh I keep saying that as well!.. As for tears… Well I suppose they’re something else that has to be forgotten… Yes I’m going now.”

She moves nearer to the doorway but is brought back.

“Hi Helen. How are you feeling today? Glad to see you’re

awake”

“What?”

“I said it’s good to see you awake. You seem to be managing

with those bandaged hands anyway. You can hold the cup

ok? Drinking plenty of water is important. Remember what

the Doctor said. It will all help your body to recover after

the accident”

“Who are you? Where has everybody gone?”

“You’re the only one in the burns unit at the moment so

you’ve got it all to yourself.”

“But where’s the family gone? They were just here.”

“Oh no my love. I’m sorry. I’m afraid they won’t have been

here. Perhaps you had a little dream. But don’t get yourself

worried, we’re going to do everything for you now. We’ll

take good care of you. I’ll be back again in just a minute.”

Weeping - “No. All gone!.. No-one left to forgive me… All gone! Why won't they let me just forget?”

The doorway is opening and she moves toward it.

“Tears... What bloody good are tears?”

____