Plains

It was cold. So very cold. I didn’t know where I was. I just knew it was cold, and dark, and miserable. I felt miserable, and I didn’t know why. It was like waking up and just feeling terrible. I wanted to say I laid there, that I was in a bed, or on a bench or something like that. But the truth is I have no clue. I wasn’t sure which way was up, which way was down. I felt like I was floating? Flying? Like the world was replaced with water and air. Like the universe was aerogel, that was it! And I was a tiny thing, floating in the mass, a tiny imperfection in an otherwise perfect world.

And then let there be stuff. That was all I could really say to describe what happened. First there was nothing. No up, no down, no right, no left, and then there was. It was surreal, to say the least. That aerogel from before was now replaced with… not quite normalcy. Sure, there was gravity now, and light, coming from somewhere, I couldn’t quite make out where, but it was wrong. The light didn’t obey the laws of physics. The gravity had a temper, I could feel the force keeping my feet on the floor fluctuate and change. What was more apparent was the terrain.

Red grass. That was it. Stretching for miles and miles and miles, was red grass. It was a dull, dark red, the kind of red that almost looked brown in the right lighting… like blood mixed with something darker. The grass itself came up to my waist and it was never ending. I need to make it clear, the grass didn’t just stretch to the horizon in every direction. No, there was no horizon. I could see for eternity, the only change being the detail I could pick out. It was perfectly flat too. I took a few steps and there were no loose rocks under my feet, no slight hills or divots. Smoother than a cue ball. That was the only adequate way to describe it. Somehow, someway, the very ground beneath my feet was in the uncanny valley.

I didn’t even know where I was, how I got here, nothing. All that was going through my mind was that I felt terrible. Terrible and in pain. In pain? Where did the pain come from? There was nothing here to hurt me. Just. Red. Grass. It was… well, kind of horrible. The pain, I mean. It was all over my chest, my head, my neck, my back. Everywhere but my limbs it seems. Why did I hurt?

Finally using the thing behind my eyes I looked down and… nothing. There was nothing there. No legs, no arms, no torso. Just the ground. I could feel them all, the pain in my torso, the way the soil felt under my feet, the slight scratchy feelings on my arms from the blades of grass. Feeling all of it while not having the body to do so made questions race through my mind. But no fear. No dread. No emotion was born from the revelation. I still just felt terrible.

And then a guest of wind blew through, right to left, all the grass dancing as it went, and, off in the distance, to my right where the wind came from, a bright shining blue wave coming towards me. I didn’t run, I didn’t get curious. I didn’t do anything but feel terrible. And that feeling kept up as the blue raced towards me, closing in on me like a predator to its prey. It finally reached me. It passed right by, turning the once red grass blue. A bright, shining blue, as blue as the sky and ocean.

Terrible. I still felt terrible. But now? Now there was a pain in my head, something stung me. It was like being pinched, only it was my brain itself being the victim of it, not… well the skin I no longer had. The pain grew and grew and grew… and then it vanished. Dissipating in an instant and replaced with a memory. Replaced with… regret.

It was Friday. I was all alone, sitting in front of the TV, a couple of empty beer bottles by my seat, on the floor. I hadn’t been alone on a Friday in years. That’s where the regret came from. Why did I regret that? The television flickered, it was old, older than me. There was some documentary on, about whales, I think. I remembered… not caring. Just wanting the noise and glow to drag my mind off something. It didn’t work, that’s why I started drinking all by my lonesome.

The field didn’t change. Wandering though it, aimlessly, I figured I may as well keep moving. I may as well look to see if this tall, blue grass ever changes into something else. If there is maybe a hill that I just can’t see, or a river. After all, where there is vegetation, there must be water, somewhere. Where there is water, there is civilization. Maybe there I could get some answers.

Feeling terrible had been replaced with that regret. It wouldn’t leave me, no matter how far I walked, what horizon I focused on, it stuck to me like glue, refusing to let me go. Refusing to let me go and be free. And be happy. So, I walked and walked with a sorry look on my face… if I had a face, of course. The grass never changed. No trees, no rocks, stones, or boulders. Nothing but blue grass.

And then another gust of wind hit me, hit the field. It was cool, and refreshing, carrying my regret away with it. As the grass rippled and dance another wave made its way towards me from my right, following the breeze that had somehow unburdened me from my regret. I embraced it, letting the wind hit me, watching the wave turn the grass from blue to… a few colours. Not even colours, actually. Grey, black, and white. There was more black than grey, and it moved in solid blocks, with the grey flanking either side. Then the white split the… it was a road. The grass looked like a road.

That kind of freaked me out. The wind was cool and rushing still, and the grass looked like a road. And another memory came to me. I was on my bike. It was late at night. Street lights painted a glow on the ground in front of me. I was going fast, too fast, I knew that. But it felt good. Liberating. Free. Like all the pain and regret of before was gone, vanished in an instant to leave me be at long last. It was marvellous.

I kind of got it now, I think. This place was showing me my memories. Was this a dream, then? My mind replaying events and emotions of days gone by for no other reason than to do it? I mean, I knew these events occurred on a Friday, but which Friday? I kept walking, instinctively moving to the grey of the pavement. It just felt right. Don’t walk on the road kind of thing.

It also gave me a direction. Sure, I could go one of two ways, but having a nice, straight line to follow. Well, that was comforting. The grass road went on for just as long as the grass itself. Endlessly stretching with nothing on either side. The wind had stopped but I still felt it. I still felt my hair getting messy as I broke the speed limit. I still felt the way the road gave me direction and purpose to focus my mind on. I could still smell the world, as if it were all around me. I liked it.

And as I walked, I spotted the wind on the horizon yet again, blowing straight towards me. The grass moving as waves, changing colour as it went. I saw it get closer and closer to me. I watched as the grass went from its road to… something else. The deep, almost brown red of before. And with it came the smell and taste of iron, the sound as well. Sirens. I was sure of it. Well, it was hard not to be sure of it.

With all of this the terrible feeling came back. A pit in my heart and stomach and soul. A feeling that wasn’t just pain. Wasn’t just anguish. It was everything and anything negative rolled into one horrific amalgamation of a feeling. One that consumed my every thought, my every sense. It would not let me go, I could not escape it, as if I had been branded.

And with all the pain, the horror, the dread, the sadness, was a memory. I was on my bike again. The roads were a bit narrower in this part of town. It was older, more storied. Hard to see around corners. That was the end of me. I didn’t see the red light. No. No, I did see it. I saw it too late. The beer from earlier. I didn’t react in time. I slammed on my brakes. But I went into the side of a car. I didn’t know which. Going over the handlebars and into a window was a strange feeling though. Weightlessness smacked down by a bit of glass and aluminium.

I also remember falling out of the window, back onto the asphalt. I remember smelling oil, and the ground beneath me being wet, covered in some liquid. I remember the scream of the driver, in the car. I remember lying there, falling in and out of consciousness. Terrible. Terrible was the only word I could use to describe the feeling, at that moment. The blue and red lights of an ambulance some fifteen minutes later.

And then the hospital. It smelt clean, and was far quieter than I ever remember a hospital being. Then again, I had never went to a hospital at night. I died there. Compressions. I remembered the compressions, the panicked voices of the doctors and nurses. I remember fading. Fading into nothing.

Then I was here.

The terrible feeling never subsided. Never went away. But I regained my senses to notice the large black door in front of me. It wasn’t here before. Obviously it wasn’t. Still. A door, in the middle of a field of red grass. It was odd. Of course, I went to open it, and found that, despite not being able to see my own body, I could open the door. Behind it was… well… you’ll find out for yourself one day, when you join me here.