The Broken Vow

The Broken Vow

Suzanne Marsh

Sister Mary Catherine, her head bowed, her habit hanging on her gaunt figure, prayed she was ready for her final vows. She wanted to be a nun since she heard the sisters singing Vespers as a small child. She wished she had been more prepared for her journey to become a nun. She took her first set of vows, at eighteen years of age, vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. She became a Novice willingly. Three years later she became a postulate and began to have doubts about her calling. The life of a Carmelite nun can be a challenging path to follow, and it is not a life for everyone. She disliked the vow of silence more than chastity and obedience. She was happy, but she yearned for something more tangible, a family. She desired marriage and motherhood. She was reasonably pretty, but that was vanity speaking. Sister Mary Catherine knew she was doing battle with a demon; she was being tempted to leave the monastery and live a life she was willing to relinquish. She decided to speak with the Prioress, Mother Mary Helen, although she was unsure where this course of action would eventually lead her. She prayed silently, unsure of what she really wanted. She thought about a man who was so very special, he took her to her senior prom, she thought at the time, they would get married someday. She married Jesus and the young man disappeared from her life. His name was David, she often thought of him. She thought of the day she told him she was planning to enter the Carmelite order, he thought she had lost her mind. She thought of the day she entered the monastery, once the door to the outside world was shut, she entered a room, where they cut her hair so her veil would fit, she had not expected that but after all she was going have nothing to do with the outside world ever again, prayer was her main source of happiness, or so she told herself time and again. She wanted to help the world, and prayer was the only way she knew. She was doing what she had promised her mother she would do as a nun. She was fitted with her habit; she disliked the feel of the rubber sandals. She began to long for shoes and other worldly things. She had a great deal to learn, including singing; if there was one thing Mother disliked, it was a nun who could not sing. One blazing hot summer day, she was summoned to the greeting room; she had a visitor. She parted the green curtain, stunned beyond words, there was David. Her eyes lit up, and she smiled. He began: “Hello Kate, you mother told me you were here. It has been a long time since we parted. You look wonderful.” “David, oh my, what are you doing here?” “I came to find you and ask you if it was true that you are ready to take your final vows, I can see without asking.” “David, when you left, I decided to enter the Carmelite Order. I have found such peace and happiness.” She bowed her head, she spoke softly so only David could hear: “I will always love you, but I love God more.” David smiled at her: “I will always love you, too, Kate.” David said good-bye, and Sister Mary Catherine returned to her chores. Later in the day, Sister Mary Catherine was called to the Prioress’s study. She knocked: “ave” came the soft, melodious voice.” Sister Mary Catherine entered: “Ah, yes, sister, come sit. I understand from Sister Mary Clair that you have a problem. Tell me, child, what is wrong?” Sister Mary Catherine swallowed hard: “Mother, I am ready to take my final vows now.” “Child, why the hurry? There is something you are not telling me.” Sister Mary Catherine burst into tears: “The only man I ever loved came to see me today, he asked me to leave the monastery and marry him.” “Child, the love between a man and woman is just as wonderful as a Bride of Christ. Are you certain that you wish to remain here?” Sister Mary Catherine was at complete, total loss for words: “Yes, Mother, I am.” “Very well, child, prepare to take your final vows. Are your parents coming to see the ceremony?” “Yes, Mother.” Sister Mary Catherine received the Prioress’ blessing, then strode out of the room. She thought about the ceremony, the wreath of beautiful pink roses that would be placed on her head. She hoped David would not attend. She expected her mother and father, two sisters, and her brother. Sister Mary Catherine knew in her heart of hearts this was the wisest decision. The sun rose like a red rubber ball as Sister Mary Catherine dressed. Today, she took her final vows. Had it really been nine years since she had come to the monastery? She thought of all the hours she had prayed, hoping her prayers were being answered. The Sister of Postulates knocked quietly at her cell door: “Sister Mary Catherine, hurry, it is time.” “I’m coming now, Sister.” She quickly strode toward the chapel, and her parents and siblings were there. She began her walk down the aisle. When she got to the front row, there was David, standing at the altar, in priestly garb. She thought: ‘I must be seeing things, David, a priest.’ Confusion overtook common sense, as Sister Mary Catherine, her face bright with tears, knelt before the bishop and the Prioress to receive her final vows. David smiled gently at her; her sheer beauty astounding him. She glowed as she returned his smile. She knew she would never break her vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, or could she? David noticed that she was staring at him, and she quickly averted her eyes. The simple exchange at the altar told her she was going to have to speak to David, to find out what exactly he wanted from her. ‘Patience,’ she told herself, wait, see what he does. Two weeks went by as Sister Mary Catherine, like an animated robot, did her chores, sang, and even laughed. That was until David arrived at the monastery to visit her. He smiled as she pulled back the curtain and sat down on the other side of the grill. She knew then God had another plan for her. David was not ready to give her to God, not yet he began: “Kate, I know this is wrong, I know you took your final vows. I am a priest, I should not even be here; I can’t help myself. Kate, let’s get married! We are so good together.” Words, Kate thought she would never hear. She stared at him. Why did he keep this to himself as she took her final vows? She was stunned, she pulled herself together: “Yes, David, my answer is yes! I will speak to the Prioress first, I think she knew I was not a good candidate to become a nun.” David smiled: “Oh Kate, I am so glad. We can marry as soon as we are dispensed from our vows. I will be back in a few days to see you. I love you, Kate.” He stood up to leave, then strode out of the visiting room. Vespers began, as Kate pulled up her dress in order to run to the chapel, the Prioress no doubt would notice she was late, no matter what she did. Kate remained in the chapel after Vespers to pray for guidance. How could she break her promise to God? Would she be damned to hell for loving David? She tossed and turned until dawn, when she finally fell asleep, her mind made up to seek the Prioress first thing. She soon discovered that the Prioress wanted to speak to her after breakfast. She went to the Prioress’ study, knocked, heard the familiar: “ave”. The Prioress sat stiffly in her chair, her hands clasped together as she began: ”Sister Mary Catherine, please sit down, there is much we must talk about.”

Kate waited as she thought: ‘Here it comes, I don’t think I am making a mistake, marrying David.’ The Prioress began slowly: “Sister, it has come to my attention that you wish to leave us for a priest?” Kate could feel tears forming: “Yes, Mother, I wish to break my vows, David, Father David, and fell in love a very long time ago. When he disappeared, I thought my life was over, so I came to the monastery hoping to make a life for myself here among the sisters.” The Prioress gave Kate a half smile: “I understand, Sister. I have begun the dispensation process. Not everyone is suited to our way of life. Father David spoke to his superior yesterday, who agreed to give him dispensation also. I hope, child, you will find the happiness you seek.” Sister Catherine rose and received the Prioress's blessing. She returned to her cell, falling on her knees as she realized that she had done the one thing she promised herself she would never do: to relinquish her vows. She knew God would forgive her and David. With that thought in mind, Sister Mary Catherine was once again Catherine McGraw.