And on the Eighth Day

“Are you there, God? It’s me…”

“Michael. Yes, I know it’s you. I’m God, remember?” God said, never taking his eyes off the screen.

“Oh, yes, of course,” Michael replied. “Anyway…”

“Do you know how many of you there are?” God asked. “Yet I can recognize each and every one of you without turning my head or moving my eyes. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

For a moment the only sound was God’s fingers hitting the keyboard harder than necessary. Michael swallowed hard. “Yes, sir,” he replied. “From now on, I will not say a word when I come to speak to you. I will wait for you to announce me to you.”

“And that’s why you’re my number one guy!” God exclaimed, slamming both hands on the keyboard at once. “You get me.” He twirled his chair around and faced Michael. “What’s up, buddy?”

“It’s the people,” Michael said.

“What about them?”

“There’s a couple of issues with the design.”

“Nonsense!” God snapped. “My blueprint was perfect!”

“Well, that’s kind of the issue,” Michael said. “The dark blue color you chose for them doesn’t really work. They blend too much into the background.”

“So?” God asked. “Just fix the background then.”

Michael inhaled sharply. “That would require restructuring the entire universe. We’ll never meet the deadline that way. Alpha testing shows that a light purple would be the ideal color.”

“Why do I even bother creating deadlines if you guys can’t meet them?” God sighed heavily. “Fine, I guess we can go with purple. But make it dark purple.”

Michael blinked. “That’s not…”

“What? Brilliant enough?” God asked. “I agree, but until you guys evolve into beings that can use dark blue and meet deadlines, I’m stuck.”

“Let’s move on to the next item,” Michael sighed. “The antlers.”

“What?” God cried. Antlers are great! I made them extra big and pointy so the people can get into really cool battles with each other! Just look at the other horned creatures we made.”

“Yes, horns work great on ungulates. Bipeds, not so much. Lots of staggering and flailing.”

God considered this, stroking his salt-and-pepper beard. “Hmmm…I suppose we could try something else. How about scales that change color based on their mood?”

“Um…”

“Or wings! How about wings? We can put them on their backs. No wait, that’s dumb. Let’s put them on their feet! Then they can fly AND run fast!”

“Again, that’s problematic because…”

“Oh for the love of me, this is ridiculous!” God cried. “All I want is people with dark blue skin, giant racks, and lizard tails that whip around, and all I’m getting is attitude! Do you even understand what it is we’re trying to do here?”

Before Micheal could answer, God turned around again and started typing furiously. Moments later his screen lit up in a brilliant orange hue. He stopped typing and pushed himself back to give Michael a better view. “What do you see, Michael?”

Michael looked at the screen. “Sun Light.” He replied.

“Exactly!” God bellowed. “My very first creation and I knocked it out of the park! You all raved about it! Called it brilliant, a game changer! You all recognized my genius and pledged to follow me into the fire! Which we used to forge this entire universe that’s about to go live! And now you’re standing here telling me this and that can’t be done? Seriously, you’re telling GOD that it can’t be done?”

“That’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about,” Michael said, ducking God’s wild hand gestures. “This whole ‘God’ brand you’ve developed…it’s beginning to stir up some controversy.”

“What do you mean?” God snapped. “Why shouldn’t I call myself God? That’s my name, isn’t it?”

“Yes, I know, but…” Michael said, choosing his words carefully. “It’s just that…there’s been some suggestion that your constant self-references are a bit…”

“Who’s saying that?” God asked sharply. “It’s Beelzebub, isn’t it? I got three words for you - flaming cage match! You tell that bug-eyed little turd that I’m ready whenever he is! I’ll meet him anywhere, anytime!”

“No sir, it’s not Beelzebub. It’s…well, pretty much everybody EXCEPT him and his Beelzebub Bros. And the God Squad of course,” he added quickly. “Nothing will ever shake their faith in you.”

Michael trailed off as God glared at him. God learned forward, rested his elbows on his knees, and tucked his hands under his chin. He waited for Micheal to be sufficiently uncomfortable before he spoke. “Let me ask you a question Micheal. Do you think I got to be GOD by following the rules, or making the rules?”

“Yes of course,” Michael nodded. “I understand.”

But God wasn’t done. “Look around you. Think about everything you saw as you took that long walk to my office. Everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - you see exists because of me. I created this space. I created Sun Light. And now I’m about to drop the most amazing universe that ever existed. Either get on board, or get out of the way. You feel me?”

“Yes, sir.” Michael replied. “Alright, I’ll go talk to the team.”

“That’s my number one!” God smiled. “Oh, and tell them to get a move on, we’re going live in ten minutes.”

“Ten minutes?” Michael gasped. “But…”

“You got this buddy!” God laughed. “Now go! The clocks ticking!”

Michael raced back to the design department, where he was greeted by Gabe, the supervisor. “Well, did you talk to him?” He asked.

“Yes, and we’re going live in ten minutes!” Michael said, eliciting a collection of gasps across the department.

Gabe’s jaw dropped. “You’re joking, right? Did you not explain the numerous problems to him?”

“I did, but you now how he is. Just throw on some patches and we’ll iron out the bugs later.”

“So much for being number one,” Gabe muttered.

“Hey, if you want my job you’re welcome to it,” Michael snapped. “But get used to being treated like number two.”

Gabe inhaled sharply and turned to the others. “All right everybody, you heard Michael, let’s move!”

Chaos erupted as everybody scrambled to prepare for the launch. Michael watched it all unfold as he had countless times before, and some familiar questions started forming in his head. What were they all doing here? Was all the hype around God praising a genius, or covering for a madman? What if it was possible to create a universe without God, and what would it look like?

He watched Gabe’s anxiety turn to frantic excitement as he ran around barking orders. The energy in the air was so intense it crackled, the same energy from where all creativity and imagination was born. Michael felt a sudden pang of guilt mentally slapped himself. Of course God was a genius! All geniuses were a little weird. They were doing great things here. He’d been a fool to question God.

Suddenly God’s voice boomed above them. “Okay, everyone, this is it! We’re live in five…four..three…two…ONE!”

The giant screen on the west wall came to life, with God’s face filling the center and multiple smaller screens surrounding him. Then a different voice boomed over them. “Ladies and Gentleman, he’s the creator of Sun Light, the most successful multiplayer online role-plating game in history, the ultimate space tourism pioneer, and the brains behind the Bitcoin Standard Initiative. Please welcome Silicon Valley guru Godfrey ‘God’ Jones!”

In the background of the thunderous applause, Michael ejected the the last remnants of traitorous thoughts from his head, relieved he had not voiced them out loud.