Morning Star

Within the halls of the House of God, the Lord of Heaven, the archangel Michael Morningstar barely had any sleep. To his best estimation, he got at least four ours of peace until the nightmares came.

He did not understand as to why tonight out of all nights, but apparently his own brain decided that tormenting him with the worst versions of his worst memories would be a really good idea.

After waking up from a nightmare, he’d do just about anything in his room in a desperate attempt to take his mind off the horrible thing he’d seen — he’d eat some of his snacks in his bedroom pantry, he’d pace across his room, he’d work out in darkness, he’d even look through social media on his phone despite his better judgment (he believed the younger angels called it ‘doomscrolling’) — but it did not matter; the moment he lay down on his bed and closed his eyes, an hour would pass and he’d be plagued by yet another nightmare.

However, this nightmare especially was… quite nastier than the others.

A lot nastier.

From it, Michael woke up with a yelp of terror, shooting up on his bed in a cold sweat, panting heavily in a cold sweat. It took him a moment to realize that he had his sword out, and not only was his legendary sword out, but the flames were coating the blade, lighting up the room with their orange light.

Before he could set his sheet on fire (again), he extinguished its flames and reverted the sword back onto a bracelet.   

The archangel stayed where he was, taking deep, slow breaths to calm himself, keeping his eyes shut the whole time. Eventually, he opened his eyes and stared at his hands, inspecting them. Repeatedly, he turned them over to look at them at every angle as he opened and closed them. He looked at them as if he struggled to believe that they were truly his.

He let out a deep, tired sigh as he palmed his face.

Soon, Michael got off his bed. He took a quick shower, and as he covered himself with his robes, Michael wandered into his pantry once more and got himself a glass of wine.

Glass in hand, he opened his curtains and stepped onto his balcony. He was greeted with the old night sky, with the glow of the sun peeking into the night. 

Leaning on the railing, Michael sipped his glass as he tried to count all the stars while they were still visible. That was when his eyes fell on a star that was different from the others: it was far brighter than all of the other stars surrounding them.

The morning star.

Michael stared at it for a very, very long. His free hand became clenched as it slightly trembled.

That was when, while he was busy staring at the sky, his grip on the wine glass weakened until it eventually slipped out of his hands.

“Oh, crap!” Michael cursed as it slipped. Leaning out as far as he could, he tried to catch it, reaching out as far as he could, but it didn’t matter. All he could do was watch it descend farther and farther below till it was out of view, helpless to stop it. Helpless to save it.

Michael stared at the spot where his wine glass disappeared, as if by just staring at it hard enough, he could reverse time and bring it back into his hands.

It didn’t work.

He let out another heavy sigh as he leaned back into the safety of his balcony

“Y'know, I don’t know if you know this, but you sigh a lot, Michael.”

Michael let out a yelp of fright, caught off guard, as he dashed back from the railing. But just as quickly as the fright came, it subsided the moment he realized that it was only the Messenger of Heaven and his middle brother, Gabriel Morningstar. 

Appearing out of seemingly nowhere as he always seemed to do, Gabriel was in uniform and casually sitting on the railing with his legs crossed, his two majestic wings folded neatly behind him. In his hands, he was swirling the wine glass Michael had dropped. 

“Gabriel,” he acknowledged with a nod as he composed himself. 

“Michael,” Gabriel said back. He gave him his wine glass back, joining his elder brother on the balcony. 

After a moment of consideration, he offered it back to Gabriel. With a small smile, Gabriel took out his water bottle cap, and Michael poured some of his wine into the cap. All it took was one sip for Gabriel to be sent into a fit of coughing. Michael let out a small chuckle as his brother managed to get his coughs under control.

“Michael,” Gabriel asked as he looked at the wine as if it was a dangerous hazard. “What in God’s name do you put in your wine?”

“Nothing,” he answered honestly. “It’s just really, really, really old.”

“Huh…” He muttered. He looked at the wine once more before handing his bottle cap over to Michael. “Not my cup of tea.”

Michael took it with an understanding smile before chugging it down in one gulp. Gabriel fought back a look of shock. Sometimes he really does forget how much of a drink Michael is.

With that, the two brothers leaned against the railing of Michael’s baloncy and proceeded to talk about whatever. As they spoke to one another, Michael continued to count the stars, though he occasionally snuck a glance at the morning star.

The morning sun rose higher and higher, turning the night sky purple with a hint of orangy-yellow. Before he really knew it, the morning star disappeared.

He clenched his free hand once more, trying to keep his expression from changing.

Forcing himself to talk, he asked Gabriel, “Brother, why are you up so early? If memory serves, your shift starts a few hours from now.”

“Eh, I can spare a few minutes of my time,” he shrugged. “I’m already in uniform anyway.”

He nodded. “Fair enough.”

He was about to take another sip when Gabriel added, “and besides, you look like you could use some company.”

He winced, as if burned. He couldn’t tell if it was just Gabriel being extremely observant or if he was being obvious.

“You wanna talk about it?”

A beat of silence. One that went on for quite a while. 

Michael stared up at the stars, staring at the spot where the morning star had disappeared.

He let out a small sigh and admitted, “I couldn’t sleep tonight.”

For a moment, Michael refused to elaborate. Gabriel didn’t want to pressure his elder brother, but the silence was loud enough.

Luckily, just before Gabriel could move his mouth, Michael elaborated:

“All night, I’ve been having nightmares. Nightmares about… him.”

Oh…

Gabriel froze, his own shoulders drooping.

He knew who he was talking about, and let it be known that Gabriel had no idea how to comfort Michael. In fact, he had no idea how to even begin to approach this particular conversation.

It was messy; it was personal.

It was their youngest brother, Lucifer Morningstar.

He knew Michael was grieving the loss of Lucifer. He was too. To this very day, Gabriel struggled to truly believe that his younger brother was capable of committing such atrocities. For someone as bright as the Lightbringer, the truth is, nobody really understood what was going on inside his head.

Maybe that was it, Gabriel thought. Maybe that was why he lashed out at everything…

Despite his confusion however, Gabriel desperately searched through his mind for possible ways to comfort his brother.

But through his thoughts, he heard Michael speak:

“It’s my fault.”

Gabriel tried to interject, trying to stop him from spiraling, but it was too late.

With his voice slowly breaking more and more, Michael continued:

“Everything, it was… it was my fault for allowing Lucifer to fall. I should have paid more attention to him; I should have been there for him. At the very least, I should have occasionally checked up on him just to see if he was doing okay, but… I-I neglected him. I failed to see his inner turmoil and I let his suffering consume him. Because of me, I allowed his pain to turn him into a monster – into Satan.

I failed him. Not just as a leader, but in every single way possible. As a friend, as a brother, as a fellow angel, as a fellow living being. Every way imaginable, I failed him.

I failed him.

I– I…” 

He tried to continue, but he couldn’t, his words caughting in his throat. Instead, he just leaned against the railing, dropping his head low. He held his hands together, trying to keep them from shaking, as he took deep, shakey breathes through his nose.

Gabriel could only watch as his brother desperately tried to keep himself together.

What is he supposed to say or do? He wondered. He couldn’t tell him it wasn’t his fault – he wouldn’t believe it and objectively, he makes a good point; the Morningstar Siblings never really had that much time together due to their duties. And he most certainly couldn’t place the blame on Lucifer himself. Michael would probably kill him on the spot if he even implied it and he honestly wouldn’t blame him.

He thought about it for a little while longer, until he settled on one.

He knew it wouldn't fix anything or anyone, and it was a small gesture, but regardless…

Gabriel called out to Michael, and when he looked at him, Gabriel spread out his arms to Michael and offered, “You want a hug?”

Michael simply stared at him for a very, very long time; silence crept onto the balcony once more.

He was about to say something when suddenly, Michael lunged at him at Mach speed and wrapped his middle brother into a tight, desperate hug, his wings unfurling to wrap around his brother like extra fluffy arms.

To be completely honest, Gabriel forgot just how enormous Michael was. When he lunged at him, Gabriel almost fell over, and in his elder brother’s embrace, he felt he could barely breathe under his arms and wings, and genuinely thought that if Michael squeezed any harder, he might break a bone.

But despite that, he returned the hug. Gabriel planted his feet to stay upright and tried to hug Michael back with both his arms and wings, even if they only barely fully wrapped around his elder brother.

Time passed by and the Morningstar Siblings stayed in their embrace, refusing to let go of the other. Gabriel felt Michael’s breathing grow less ragged and desperate as he soothed him, rubbing Michael’s back with his hands and wings. Michael buried his face into Gabriel's scarf.

He did not cry, and that deeply bothered him. He had never seen him cry. Yes, he’s seen him in sorrow, he’s seen him broken, but he’s never ever seen Michael shed a single tear. 

He wondered what it would take for him to truly cry. Probably an act of God, he thought. For he was concerned for what would happen if he continued to bottle up his sorrow and was honestly scared to even picture what would be the result of this containment.

Eventually, Michael pulled away.

With a respectful bow, Michael thanked him. “I… I needed this.”

A soft smile appeared on Gabriel’s face as he returned the bow. “No problem.”

Unfortunately, the day was beginning, and they had places to be. 

Almost in sync, the alarms on their watches rang out, signaling the start of their day. Gabriel was concerned for Michael as they switched off their alarms. After all, he barely slept, and he knew just as well as anyone the responsibilities of the Lord of Heaven.

As if reading his mind, Michael assured Gabriel, “I’ll be fine, Gabriel.”

Gabriel hesitated, considering the impact of his words, before asking, “You sure?”

Michael fell silent, staring off into the rising sun with an unreadable expression. Gabriel wanted to take it back when Michael answered, “Hopefully.”

Hopefully…

Gabriel did not know what to think of that response as Michael chugged his glass of wine, putting his wings aside

What did he mean by that? “Hopefully I’ll make it through the day without passing out”? “Hopefully I will be able to be truly fine”? Maybe, perhaps, “hopefully I’ll be able ot repair things with Lucifer”.

Either way, Gabriel did not know. Perhaps he was overthinking things again.

Snapping out of it, he loosened his wings and took flight to start his shift.

But just before he could disappear into the distance, Gabriel looked back at Michael, who was opening his sliding door to re-enter his bedroom. He thought about it for a moment before he called out to him.

“Be kind to yourself,” is what he said to Michael.

Michael looked up at his middle brother in the air with that same unreadable expression, which turned into a small smile.

He mouthed out a “thank you”, before he disappeared into his quarters. Gabriel lingered by Michael’s balcony for a moment longer before he flew away to attend to his duties.

And with that, another day in Creation began