Love, Murder, and Brain Matter

The smell of meatloaf and sauce filled the air of the small apartment. From the outside looking in, it was a normal Tuesday evening. Music playing in the background, the cat playing with her catnip filled mouse, and the timer of the oven going off letting me know dinner was done.

What you would probably don’t know is I murdered someone just 2 hours ago, and now I am making dinner like everything is fine. The things I get myself into can be downright comical.

Standing on my tip toes I grab a can of green beans out of the cupboard. I really need to move these to a lower shelf before I drop a can and slice my face open. Slicing my own face open is not quite as entertaining as doing it to someone else.

A day ago, I would have never had this inter dialogue, but like I said, I manage to get myself in some pretty awkward situations. Who would have known I could find love, be a murderer, and eat meatloaf in the span of two hours.

Yesterday

“Ouch!” I yelled as I slammed my knee into the corner cabinet in my kitchen. Damn it, I always seem to get that edge just right. If I could just be more put together and walk straight my life would be a lot easier. I looked down at my leg and noticed a bruise already starting to form.Great, just in time for my vacation.Nothing like a day at the beach showing off how you can’t even walk through your own kitchen without messing something up.

I grab my empty water bottle off the counter and pick up my backpack from the table. I was off to Daytona Beach for a long weekend. Too cheap to spend extra on a carry on, I stuffed everything I could into my tiny back pack and made my way to the airport.I needed this vacation more than ever.Work was wearing on me, and I was starting to fall into a slump. This would be the first vacation since my divorce and my first solo vacation, ever. Life was slowly moving into a routine, and I didn’t want to mess that up.

“Thank you.” I said to my uber driver as I gave him a cash tip and slid out of the car. I did a quick check, making sure I had my bag and water bottle.

“No problem.” He said with a wink.

What the hell was he winking at? Jesus, people these days are creepy as hell. I shook it off and walked into the busy airport. It’s the first day of summer break for most kids, and you can tell people want to get the hell out of this town. I grab my ID and boarding pass out of my bag and make my way to security.

Things are moving quickly, but there are a lot of people. Watching the crowded line added a little entertainment to my life. Since I was younger, I liked to watch people while out in public and guess what was going on in their lives. Sometimes it would be funny, other times I would try to guess for real. Today I was in a funny mood.

There was a lady in a hot pink tank top, neon green shorts and rainbow crocs. She was holding a bag that had what I assumed to be a cat.Maybe a small dog. She looked like she was someone that divorced her lawyer husband because she was too eccentric for him. I feel like she named her cat some human name like Elizabeth or Mona. Yes, let’s go with Mona.

My thoughts were interrupted with a giant thud. Smoke filled the room, and the airport went silent for just a moment before all chaos broke out. There was a man yielding a gun while screaming and running towards me.Why would he be running towards me?Who was this man and why were his dark, evil eyes locked on mine? Before I knew it, he dove straight into me. Why didn’t I run or try to move? What the hell was wrong with me? Smoke filled my lungs and my eyes were burning.

“Conner!!!!” screamed the eccentric pink tank top lady with the cat. Of course she knew him. This was probably the crazy ex-husband. But why would he be targeting me? As he knocked me over the lady came running over to us. Everyone, except for one security guard, ran in the opposite direction. Was I dreaming? Maybe I hit my head, not my knee. None of this was making sense. To top it off Mona got out of the carrier and was screeching running in circles around the airport. What a fucking psychotic cat.

I felt a crack and then burning sensation on the back of my neck. Everything went dark. That’s the last thing I remember before waking up in this dark room. It was cold and dark, but almost comfortable. Something scurried across my face. I slapped it away, assuming the worse. Probably a rat. Maybe this wasn’t so comfortable. How did this even happen?

I jumped off the floor, well tried to when I was yanked back down by the chain tied to my left wrist.I looked over and sure enough Mona was in the room with me. It wasn’t a rat it was worse; psychotic demon cat.

Confused was an understatement. Having no clue what was going on I started to scream. Not that screaming ever seems to help, it would probably just get me in more trouble, but I didn’t have much to lose. I was locked in a dark room with manic mona. Yes, I just thought of that. Chained to the floor and my head hurting worse than it ever has in my entire life. I let loose the scream. Nothing happened. Not a damn thing. Mona glared at me in the corner hissing and everything else stayed silent. My phone was obviously taken away from me, so calling someone wasn’t an option. I had to think fast.

While I was thinking I looked back down at my left wrist. A wedding ring? What in the actual hell was going on I am NOT married and and will never be married again.Why do I have a ring and a wedding band?Promptly taking them off said finger, I threw them across the room in the direction of Mona. Maybe she’d try to eat them and choke. I hate that cat. No luck, she just sat there hissing.

I could hear faint footsteps from the hallway and wondered what wonderful fate awaited me. This couldn’t be good. I was kidnapped for a reason. I heard a lock turn. Great not only am I chained to this godforsaken floor, but I am also locked in here if I do figure out how to get out of this.

The door swung open.It was freaking pink tank lady.Seriously, my gut knew that lady was trouble. Wonder where the husband is? She came in and unlocked the wrist chain without a word and walked away leaving the door open.What the fuck? I can’t deal with this situation. I slowly got up and rubbed the back of my head. Why didn’t they just shoot me?

Slowly, I made my way out into the hallway and turned left where I thought maybe there was a bathroom.Sure enough, the first door on the left was a restroom. At least I wasn’t in a cellar. Isn’t that where they usually throw the kidnaped? I shut and locked the door behind me. Of course, there was no window for me to try to escape out of, but I am sure they would have it boarded shut if there were one.

I could hear talking out in a nearby room. Maybe the kitchen. I was getting kind of hungry so maybe I could sneak in there and grab something to eat.Looking in the mirror, I was a disaster.My hair was matted with dry blood and my face was bruised. I didn’t even notice it was injured but now seeing it I can feel the pain pulsating through my nose. I washed as much blood out of my hair as I could and walked out towards the kitchen.

Pink Tank, and crazy gunman Conner were out there which I completely expected, but the Uber driver?Why in the hell would the Uber driver be here?

“Welcome to the land of the living. I thought maybe we took you out for a minute.” Wish you would have. I thought to myself. There was a bowl of fresh fruit on the counter. I grabbed an apple and went to the sink to wash it off.Might as well act like I live here.They obviously need me around for a reason.

“Where is your ring?!?!” Pink tank yelled. The other two shot me a look.

“Look, we need you to wear that ring. It’s important for the plan.” Crazy gun man said getting up from the chair.

“Where did you put it?” he said calmly, but firmly.

“I threw it. Mona probably ate it.” I said with a shrug.

They all three had confused looks on their faces. “Mona?” Pink Tank asked.

“Oh, yeah, the psychotic cat. I forgot that’s not it’s actual name.” I responded taking a big bite out of the apple “This is soooo good.” I said basically drooling.

“Are you good?” The Uber driver asked me, then turning to gunman, “Maybe you hit her in the head a little too hard.” he said rolling his eyes.

Conner let out a heavy sigh and walked toward the room to find a ring.

“Why do I need a ring?” I asked continuing to take annoyingly big bites of the apple. Juices splashing all over my face. After I finished, I threw it down on the counter and washed my hands. “So sticky” I said.

“You need a ring to show you are married to Conner.” Pink Tank chimed in.

I almost choked on my spit, good thing I wasn’t eating the apple anymore. I might have actually died.

“Married?” I said with a puzzled look.

“Yeah. I’m done being his wife. He has to have one though. Something with a contract with his parents. I don’t know, it’s a lot. He gave me 100k when we got married and I don’t have to work or anything, but part of the contract is I find him a new wife when I am over it. I found you.” She shrugged.

“You found me?!” I asked more confused than ever.

“Yep. Figured the airport would be a good place to find a single person headed out on vacation. Who doesn’t want an extra 100k to enjoy?”

“So, running through the airport with a gun? Setting off some sort of smoke bomb? How the hell do you think THAT is a good idea? How didn’t he get caught?”

“He had some help.The security guard that ran towards us helped. He was able to get him out and pin it on some other dude.” Pink Tank continued. I really should get to know her name.

“So, he pinned this on someone else. You guys are so weird.” I said rolling my eyes, not really caring if she saw it.

“That is true, nothing to argue there.” Uber Driver reappeared in the kitchen.

“So, Conner is looking for these rings, and you two are what? Going to run off once he finds them? Where is my money anyway?” I better still get to go on vacation.

Conner popped out of the room with the rings. “Got them.” he said with a huge smile.

Just as he started walking towards us, a dark shadow emerged from the bathroom. It looked like a large man with a giant baseball bat.Before anyone could warn Conner, the bat smashed into his skull, blood splattering against the white hallway walls.

“Well that is going to be a bitch to clean up.” I said not moving. What was it with me having no survival skills?

Pink Tank and Uber Driver both let out blood curdling screams. That makes total sense considering a crazy man with two bats was running towards them all, then it dawned on me. I was in trouble as well

“Oh, Shit! This wasn’t part of the plan?” I asked looking at their terrified faces.

My heart started pounding and my mind racing. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

The man ran past me and headed straight for the two of them. “Here take this.” He said, tossing me a second bat. “Count of three!” he yelled.

Two more terrifying cracks of the bat and more blood splattered all over the place, including me.Ugh! This is disgusting.

I looked over at the man.The security guard? Oh man this day just keeps getting weirder. I thought they were working together.

“Wow. I didn’t think you would actually do it.” He said looking over at me.

“I mean she was kind of a bitch.” I said with a shrug like I had no cares in the world. Grabbing a knife out of the block on the counter I added some slices to pink tank’s face. It seemed fitting and was kind of fun. I could get used to this.

“Well, are you going to help me clean this mess up or just add to it?” He asked in the most serious tone I had ever heard. Such a fun sponge. I shuffled over to the sink and grabbed some bleach from underneath. Guess we better get to work.

2 Hours later

“Here. Use this for the meatloaf.” Raja, the security guard, said handing me a container of what looked like ketchup. Grabbing a sauce pan I heated the liquid up. It looked a little chunky. I would have preferred it to be just blood, but a little bit of brain matter couldn’t hurt.If all the hair was out, we were good.

The timer started going off letting me know the meatloaf was finished. Opening the oven to grab it, I looked down to see Mona glaring up at me, in between playing with her catnip filled toy. I smiled a little and shook my head. Maybe she wasn’t so bad. Nothing wrong with a little splash of psycho. After all I didn’t have much room to judge.