Clara's diary

Dear Diary,

There is a new guy that moved in next door. He is super cute. Nice hair, sparkly blue eyes, and large biceps. As you know, I am currently single. My last boyfriend was obsessed with amps, and his guitar. When Bobby would talk about the amps and guitars he had purchased, I would nod politely. I do a lot of nodding politely. Mrs. Meyer, across the way from me, enjoys telling me about her various health ailments. Anything from dandruff to sciatica--that lady is always suffering from something.

Anyway, Bobby is ancient history. It was one of those break-ups where the guy doesn't have the courage to tell you it's over. The coward decided to stop calling or texting. Then, I had to call him to ask him if our relationship was finished. He said 'yes', and I bawled like a baby for a week. However, Julie, (my best friend) has been helping me to heal by bringing over giant tubs of chocolate ice cream. She gets them for free from the factory she works for. We have also watched a lot of chick flicks. 'Notting Hill' is my favorite, and we both enjoyed 'Bridget Jones' Diary' for the 17th time. Gotta go, it's time for sleep.

Clara

Dear Diary,

I actually talked to the hot guy next door. His name is James, and he reads actual books. I was impressed by his book collection, and I am a librarian. I get so sick of the 'hot librarian' stereotype. I don't wear glasses, and I'm not drop dead gorgeous. I am the cute, muscular type, though I long to be the tall, willowy type. In short, I would like to be the super model type. I don't think super models really exist anymore. It's a shame. No more Cindy Crawfords or Linda Evangelistas. Not even a Naomi Campbell.

Yeah. Today it's all about Insta models and the Kardashians. I don't have an Insta account because most of the people who are successful models, on that platform, have the personalities of goldfish.

Anyway, James was refreshing to talk to. He said that he doesn't do social media, and that he's writing a book. I asked him what the book was about, and it's about his father. Apparently, his father is someone famous, but he didn't want to tell me who his father was. I didn't mind, because I like trying to figure out secrets. I am pretty good at it because I am always observing people. I enjoy listening to the way that people talk, and the way that they say things. Visually, body language gives humans a way to communicate what they aren't saying with words.

For example, I could tell that James was interested in the things I was saying, because he was leaning forward and smiling. That's a no-brainer. I wanted to know one thing that James wasn't saying. Did he have a girlfriend?

When I find out, I'll write more.

Clara

Dear Diary,

I found out the James does have a girlfriend. Also, she is the tall, willowy super model type. Sigh. I could hear some really loud sounds from his apartment last night. You know, like disgusting orgasm sounds. However, I only find orgasms disgusting when other people have them. After the sex, they started fighting. I don't know what they were fighting about, but I heard something large hit the floor. Then the door slammed.

Dear Diary,

Guess what? James doesn't have a girlfriend anymore. He stopped by my apartment to tell me that they broke up last night, and would I like to go for a coffee? I said 'yes', but I made the date for this Friday. I can't wait! I called Julie, and she was ecstatic. I decided not to share the information with Mrs. Meyer, because she is a horrible gossip.

More later, after my date with James!

Clara

Dear Diary,

The date with James was interesting. He told me that his father was Edward Wellington, a serial killer who operated around the same time that Ted Bundy did. James also said that his dad actually did some of the murders that Bundy was accused of. So, James' book is about his father as a serial killer. I said that must be a difficult book to write. He agreed with me, and showed me some of what he had been writing. There was a lot of gore, and I told him to cut the amount of gore by half. James asked me why, and I informed him that too much gore gets in the way of compelling storytelling. He nodded, just like I do when something makes sense.

We're going to go on another date this coming weekend. James won't tell me where we're going, but that's okay. I love surprises. I hate it when people don't like to be surprised. If they don't like to be surprised, it makes me think they want be in control at all times. Someone who wants to be in control all the time might try to control me. So I try to steer clear of people who don't like surprises.

I'll tell you more later,

Clara

Dear Diary,

Last night, I heard something heavy being moved around. The sounds came from James' apartment. I opened my door to check. The next morning, Mrs. Meyer knocked on my door and told me that James moved about five huge suitcases down the stairs last night. I must have been sound asleep. Mrs. Meyer wondered what was in the suitcases, and I did, too. I quickly ended the conversation with her because she might find out that I was dating James. I didn't want her to spread the news all over the building.

I will write more after our date,

Clara

Dear Diary,

The surprise was awesome. James has a rental unit in the city where he stores his extra stuff. When he opened the door, I noticed that he had set up a romantic dinner for two. We sat down in nice chairs, and unfolded cloth napkins on our laps. There was a rose at my place setting, and I inhaled its scent. I am a sucker for flowers. Once, I had a boyfriend who would never bring me flowers, no matter what the occasion. He said they withered and died too quickly. In truth, I think he was a cheapskate.

Anyway, James asked for more feedback on the book he was writing, after we finished our lasagna. Just as I had thought, the manuscript was much better when the gore had been edited. I told James this, and his face lit up like a Christmas tree. After we finished our wine, I noticed a strange odor coming from some suitcases in the unit. When I mentioned this to James, he said that the suitcases needed to be cleaned, and he was hiring a professional to do this. I didn't have time to ask him questions about this, because a police car arrived, and two cops jumped out. They said that James was under arrest for the murder of Melonie Carson, and then they handcuffed his wrists together.

I have been questioned by the police, but it is too late now, to write any more. I promise to write more tomorrow.

Dear Diary,

It turns out that James did kill Melonie. The sound I heard was the sound of a tall body hitting the carpet. Mrs. Meyer came by, and told me that James had cut up Melonie's body. Next, he put the different parts into the suitcases. Mrs. Meyer seemed elated about this, probably because she has something new to gossip about. I keep thinking I could have been James' victim. Who knows if he was planning to kill me after we finished dessert? For the time being, I have sworn off all men. Julie and I have decided to watch all of Keanu Reeves' movies, instead of dating. You can always depend on him to be completely handsome and heroic. And, in real life, Keanu is extremely kind to everyone. He already has an amazing wife, so I'm not interested in dating him. I would like to meet him because I think he's the closest thing to Superman this world has. And you can quote me on that.

Love,

Clara