Big City But Alone

Big City But Alone

I moved to New York because it was a big city and maybe I wouldn't feel alone but I was wrong I feel more alone than ever it's not like I haven't tried but everyone that I let in hurt me it especially hurts we're going to see the couples and families and friends outside it never fails I'm always alone maybe this is the sign I shouldn't be here who would miss me the pain I feel inside hurt so much.

I am broken I'm damaged goods people always say Time Heals all wounds so why am I still bleeding from mines people say you have to get over your past to move forward but I can't my life was in pain the moment I came into the world I should have known better  that living in this world isn't for me .

I cry myself to sleep hoping tomorrow will be better then the last but it never is they say God give his hardest challenges to the people who can handle it while I can it's like I'm drowning and there's no one to save me

Everyone is so happy around me so why can't I be is it because I supposed to be in pain it not fun living with a broken heart and let not not talk about trust issues and my abandonment issues

Why did you do those things to me I want to run away from my problems but it never fails it always catches me I'm living in the dark world with no light how can I put my hard back together when I can't see 

Maybe I can seek help but then again it wont be real because what if I don't pay they wouldn't won't me around would they?

I want a hug a friend someone to tell me I'm not as worthless as I think I am. I crying for help do you here me? I'm in this big city but have no one to talk to 

Can anyone save me from myself? No one want to deal with a they didn't break all these people that lives in New York and I'm still all alone tell me if I was no longer here how many people will care how many people will shed a tear I'm not talking about that fake stuff where you feel guilty because you didn't care when I was alive .

Out of my whole live I smile 1 time for real have you ever had a silent cry the one where is late at night and you don't want to wake up no one up so you cry silently those the one that hurt the most 

I have no one to call on I'm tried of being in 

the world of pain struggling just to make it to the next day I try to tell myself I'm perfectly imperfect and maybe someday someone who will see it if they will take away all the pain I feel and they will heal me

But I learnt a long time ago fairy tales ain't real and neither is true love maybe today will be the day I actually and it all people always say think of your family or their is someone out there that loves you when if there is they doing a horrible job of showing me.

If I told you my life story would you believe me if I told you all the time that people hurting me would you hold me while I Cry if I tell you that they took something from me that I can never get back without my consent would you make it better if I told you that was secret I never told no one if I told you that the people close to me is the one that hurt me what would you do?

If I told you I've been lied to stolen from left for no reason beaten left for dead what would you do ?because right now I'm all alone I just need someone to save me before it to late

****** **** ******* ********* ************* ************* ************ *********** 

Here a part of my diary

Dear Diary,

someone took away my innocence without my consent he was a person that I thought I can trust he was closer than you think then it happened two more times and they was even closer my life started to go downhill from there I never thought I was good enough I never thought that I can make it and it seem like life is proving me right no matter how many times I move forward I found myself getting pushed 10 spaces back but I do believe that I will make it Forward I will make something of myself and I will put my past behind me I will be the best that I can be with love or not I will make my future brighter than my past was.

But I know for show I will be alone because I am meant to be 

I am broken and I'm alone in this cold hard world no wants to know if a girl for me I need to go back to cutting myself I feel better when I do I just want to find true love I don't even know why I'm up hopeless romantic I will never ever find love

When the days I could escape on my mind I'm not in pain I'm perfectly fine but I would tell you about the time where I found the love of my life and he took him from me why would they do that he was the first person to ever love me for me he made me believe again he gave me hope he took away the pain but now what kind of gone I'm back alone this big world with no one he was my everything and now I have nothing 

But that it today my pain will end..