To the Masses for Money

“Good morning, America! Today is Tuesday, February 17th, 2026 and we have a great show for you today. Turn a night at home into a culinary treat with Ali Toman as she makes her chicken parmesan pasta and greens salad. Our pets are our best friends! We will talk to Dr. Rob, a veterinarian, to learn what to monitor in aging pets. And we’ll meet the pastor taking the internet by storm and talk to him about his new documentary, In Stride: the Story of a Boy Who Learned How to be a Man.”

***

Pastor Philip Stride was in his kitchen when he received the first text. He thought it was spam because of the blocked number. But when he read it, he froze where he stood. It was early morning, the time he likes best when there is barely any light outside, when the sky is a mixture of gray, white, and light blue. The kitchen is lit only by the faint lightness coming in the sliding doors and the window above the sink. He had just poured a cup of coffee, black, steam rising from the stylish ceramic mug. His bare feet are comfortable on the clean, heated, tile floor. His pajama pants are the same understated, expensive quality that enveloped his kitchen and entire life. He was putting the coffee pot back on the base when his phone on the counter dinged. It was not unusual for his phone to chime this early in the morning.

“I know what you did with Miranda. I’ll keep quiet for a price.”

The peaceful silence in his kitchen turned into a deafening muffle over which he could only hear the sudden thumping of his heart. He searched every nook in his memory of who could know about his relationship with Miranda. When he could find no clues he texted back, “Who is this”?

“Meet me at Rose’s Diner on Grandin St. today at 1pm and you’ll find out.”

***

The heat was sweltering when he met her. He had been in the middle of a long interviewing and networking process with his church to finally become lead pastor and was starting to feel the effects. He was tired. He missed his wife, Marie, who had taken their kids to her parents’ house on the coast for the summer, like they did every year. He hadn’t gone with them because he was too busy. Marie and the kids, although disappointed, understood. He was at the airport restaurant, waiting for a flight when he noticed Miranda at another table. He recognized her as an irregular member of the congregation. She noticed him too, and smiled back at him. They began chatting and discovered they were on the same flight to New York. They talked until they were called to board. After they found their seats, Philip asked the man next to Miranda if they could switch and the entire plane ride, albeit short, was spent with them cultivating a new friendship. A friendship is what they told themselves, ignoring the flush in their cheeks and the butterflies in their stomachs. Outside of their respective work obligations in the city, they spent their free time together over those three days. Nothing happened on that trip but it didn’t take long once home for lines to be crossed, and crossed again.

That was eight months ago. They had continued seeing each other when Marie came back in August, even though Philip had told himself he was done. Philip had fun with Miranda. But she began to feel slighted. A few months into their affair, Miranda started to say things like, “if we lived together” or “if we were married”, phrases that unnerved Philip since he thought they both understood he was already a married man. After attempting to change the subject and blatantly ignoring the hints Miranda was dropping, Philip finally told Miranda he was never going to leave Marie, that he was a married man, and what would leaving his family do to his church and his career? Miranda did not take this well.

“What do you mean your church? Your career? You only became pastor because the last one was 80 and got sick and you had been the easiest solution! Who was it that helped you with your TikTok sermons? You had what - two? Three hundred followers before I helped? And who got you those brand deals? Huh? Where would you be without me? Certainly not on Netflix telling people how you,” Miranda used air quotes “became a man!”

When Philip started to gain traction on social media, thanks to help from Miranda, he began acquiring brand deals (also thanks to Miranda), like Bible special editions, Bible covers and carriers, spiritual journals, and other accessories. Philip contributed most of his earnings into his and Marie’s joint accounts. The rest went into his personal account, one that Marie didn’t know about. Omission was not the same as lying, Philip assured himself.

Throughout the entire affair with Miranda, and the breakup of the affair, Philip had been able to keep it all from Marie. But now, if someone else knows? Philip didn’t know what he was going to do.

Philip parked his car a couple of blocks from the diner. He needed the walk to calm his nerves. His mind was racing and his heart would not slow its incessant bumbum-bumbum. The wind was strong and brisk, chapping his cheeks and lips yet did nothing to cool the rush of heat coursing his torso. He was somehow overheating and clammy. He approached the diner, with its retro inspired painted windows advertising “all day breakfast” and “voted best coffee in the city” and pushed the door open as the hinges grinded out a crescending screech, announcing the arrival of another patron.

A pair of eyes in a booth along the wall looked up at the sound. At once, Philip remembered who could have sent him the texts and why he knew his life as he knew it was about to end. The face containing the eyes carried a mouth that now sneered at Philip. The man momentarily abandoned his egg breakfast and sat back against the booth with a satisfied grin. Philip sat across from him.

“Hiya, Phil.”

Philip sighed. “Hello Matt. You know I prefer Philip.”

Matt’s grin grew wider.

***

Philip met Matt two months after he’d started seeing Miranda. They had decided to go out one evening to a neighborhood neither frequented. They happened upon a small basement level dive bar with brick walls and a sticky floor. They found a small table toward the back, past the bar, where it was quieter. They were talking about her upcoming work trip when a man lightly bumped into Miranda. Her annoyance quickly gave way to recognition when she saw his face and she smiled and stood. They hugged. She remembered herself and looked at Philip with the briefest of apologies on her face and looked back at the man who was smiling and buzzed, verging on drunk. “Matt, this is Philip. Philip, this is my cousin, Matt.” Both men reached out their hands at the same time.

“Phil! Nice to meet you!”

“Philip, actually. Nice to meet you too.”

Miranda stood standing and smiling at Matt as Philip sat back down. “What are you doing here? How’s aunt Marge?” Miranda asked Matt.

“I moved back a couple months ago. I thought you knew! Oh mom’s great but since I was on the lookout for a new job I figured it might be good to be back home for a while.”

They spoke like that for a few minutes. Reminiscing and asking after family members and making sure they had the right contact information for each other. Both giddy, Matt took a selfie of him and Miranda, gave her another hug, waved to Philip and was off.

***

Matt spoke after a few moments of silence. “I saw you on the TV the other day talking about your new movie.”

“What do you want from me?” Philip’s desperation was obvious. His question was more pleading than he intended and he quickly steadied himself.

Matt went back to stabbing his scrambled eggs. “Miranda told me about the little stockpile of cash you got yourself. Funny thing, a priest hawking Bibles to the masses for money.”

“I’m a pastor, not a priest.”

Matt snorted. “Same difference.”

Philip walked away from the diner in an anxious, defeated daze. Matt had proof. In the selfie with him and Miranda, Philip was clearly in the background, a drink in front him. That’s not including all the pictures Miranda may have of them together. But whether she was part of this scheme or not didn’t seem to matter at the moment. The amount Matt had demanded is all of the money he had socked away for his personal use. He didn’t know what he had intended to use the money for, but it certainly wasn’t for this. The way Philip saw it, he had no choice but to relinquish his hard earned cash. He had to protect his family and his church. Never mind what the scandal would do to his documentary. He walked to his car, sat in the driver’s seat and cried. Then he contacted his bank, let them know he was going to transfer the entire sum, and set off for home.

A week later, Philip received a phone call from his manager. “Philip, what did you do? Who is Miranda, and why is she on TikTok telling everyone about an affair?”

***

“Good morning, America! Today is Friday, May 15th, 2026. You are not gonna want to miss this. Holly Cruz will show us some great no-cook Memorial Day side dishes. Sarah Ashley is here with ideas to fill up your spring break with family fun, and Marie Stride is here to talk about her upcoming memoir, Stridently Opposed: How I Found the Strength to Leave My Cheating Pastor Husband. Ah it’s too bad they pulled his documentary. I was hoping to see it. And in the ten o’clock hour we'll hear Gwendolyn Hugo perform her new single. Stick around!”