Everyone Knew

It was a perfectly arranged wake with perfectly ordered people in attire that perfectly suited the occasion. Black dresses and black coats. Shiny black shoes and long velvet sleeves. The long hall was covered in flowers that were not bright enough to be cheerful but alive enough to remind the living souls that they weren’t dead yet. Not like the woman lyin’ stiff in the miniature funeral barge in the ground.

Big John, a distant cousin of the deceased, decided to perch right there on a distant corner of the last pew while the slower relatives descended upon that layout of earthly goodness spread out for folks. Food was there to give the bereaved something to do, something to help fill their empty souls. Casseroles, biscuits, paprika deviled eggs, veggie platters, little Sadie’s mac n’ cheese, chicken, little potatoes and all. Nice big jugs of sweet tea set up next to red cups to make it easy for everyone. Nothin’ like grief to get people hungry.

“The doctors found a big mass on her liver in the hospital when they were doing the scans. They thought it was cancer. Did the doctors ever figure out what it was?”

“Ah who knows? She’s dead now ain’t she? We already went by the house. Found her keys to the Jeep and some old wedding rings. Bet those are worth something.” That was Cousin Jebb. Plate stacked high with biscuits, dribbling over with gravy onto the hall carpet. He didn’t pay no mind to that. He got some extra biscuits and licked his fingers as he went to find hisself a seat at the table next to his mama. As well as he could anyway. Bertha was one of those women whose waist-to-hip ratio define the laws of physics. “What about the keys to the tractor trailer out back? Can’t move that baby until we find ‘em. That baby is probably worth a good two-fifty if we can sell it quick-like. It’s a chromed-out Peterbilt with a good engine and all the gear.”

“I’ll go out back tomorrow? There’s a lot of stuff to go through. You know Sharon didn’t even clean out the fridge when she turned off the power to the damn mobile home? The fridge was full of maggots and I had to toss the whole damn thing in the backyard, man. Do you know what that shit smells like? It stays on your clothes for days.” That was the youngster Tommy, one of the younger cubs. Skinny around the waist and always dressed wearing shirts too tight for his scrawny self. Rare to see that young feller in something with sleeves. Every time John saw him, his eyes got crazier and crazier.

“Yeah yeah yeah. No one cares about the fridge. Did you find the cash? She have any cash? Dorothy lived with that lawyer type for years didn’t she?” Jebb was attempting to gnaw on a chicken drumstick but had lost half his front teeth in a barfight years ago and had never gone to a dentist to replace them. Jebb hated the dentist.

“Well, I went out there like you told me to when she was up there getting’ all them tests done for her cancer right? She had all these crystals and shit in the closet for some kind of voodoo or somethin’. I tried to find some kind of hiding place for cash or diamonds or papers from the bank from that laywer man she used to live with from years ago. What were his name?”

“Red Stevens.”

“Well, we all know Dorothy poisoned Red to get his money right, because he refused to marry her, because he didn’t want to get married again after his first wife died. So, I went looking under her floorboards and turned out her closets. Found her jewelry and the keys to that ol’ Jeep but sure don’t know what happened to Red’s money. Maybe she went and spent it on her hospital bills gettin’ cured for all the good it done the bitch. It sure isn’t in the land or the house. That mobile is falling down.” Tommy looked at his mama for a second opinion on that one. She nodded.

Bertha set down her iced tea for a moment. “Red had a daughter, didn’t he? Did the daughter get the money?”

“I think Red’s daughter died years ago too, car crash or something.” Another youngster, this one Big John didn’t know, checked their phone for the news on that front. Apparently, there was a local obituary in another town on the matter that confirmed the unfortunate young death on the scene of one Veronica Stevens, age 24.

“Dorothy might have the money stashed away in a bank somewhere. The lawyers will find it eventually. It’ll all work out, Mama. We’ll get what’s coming to us,” Jebb mouthed around a wad of chicken. The large hulking figure reached for another refill of his plate, to add more biscuits and gravy. When Tommy reached forward to refill his cup, his sleeve shifted, and everyone stopped eating.

“Tommy, did you touch any of those plants out behind Dorothy’s house when you were there by any chance?”

His normally pale skin was red and covered in welts, like he had been beaten by a belt. It was causing the skin to flake and peel off in strips. The skin under his nails was pink and bloody from scratching the itch caused by contact from something truly caustic.

“I had to throw out the damn maggot fridge didn’t I? Where else was I supposed to put it? So I tossed it into that patch of weeds out back of the house where no one would see it. What!”

“Those plants were Dorothy’s garden of poison plants, idiot! Dorothy was an old witch! Dorothy killed Red Stevens with poison for his money! Do you pay attention to anything? You probably poisoned yourself! How do you think she died? We used her own damn poison on her, that’s how, you moron! Did you touch any of the food? What did you touch?” Bertha pushed herself back from the table with incredible dexterity, considering her girth and the amount of fabric of that dress. She was, however, unsure what else to do next. Everyone else abandoned the table to stare at the food and Tommy and one another like a herd of rather frightened predators.

“You mean them mushrooms and flowers and all were poison?”

“You were never supposed to find out!”

Big John simply stood up, straightened his corner, and stepped out into the hallway while the family discussed the matter amongst themselves. While he made his way out of the funereal hall he reached into his long light blue coat, a little worn with age, and turned off the voice recording device he had brought to this somber family event.