One Little Lie

CW: This story contains themes of child death and grief.

“Hey Sophie, funny seeing you here.”

“Yeah, it is… I… why are you here?”

“Why can’t I be here?”

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

“I–I’ve just… I’ve been thinking.”

“Here? In the children's section of the library?”

“It reminds me of him.”

“You have to come to terms with the fact that he’s gone.”

“What do you think I’m trying to do?! I–I don’t know what to do now, and I… I don’t know...”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does. It was rude. I know you loved him so much.”

“…I did... so much, and now that he's gone... I can't seem to move on with my life… It's been a year as of today since he…since he died. ”

“I’m sorry.”

“Everyone is.”

“I know.”

“...”

“How’s Emma holding up?”

“I–I haven’t told her.”

“What?!”

“Shhh! We’re in the library, remember?

“I know, I know. But how? She… she was his best friend. She would always walk down the street to our house and ask to play. Why hasn’t she come around? If she–if she thinks he’s alive.”

“I–I told her he’s at boarding school…”

“For a whole year?!”

“Look, she’s my daughter! I get to decide what to tell her!”

“But that's… it’s wrong! It’s not what James would want at all! He’d want her to know!”

“Well James is dead!”

“I– you–”

“I–”

“...”

“I’m really sorry Olivia, I didn’t mean to– I’m sorry. I–”

“It’s okay… he’s dead, I know he’s dead, but I–I want to hear him laugh! I want him to say my name, in his sweet little voice. I want to see him smile as he plays with Emma. I just want him back! There’s so much I want! But I know… I know that none of that will happen. I’ve had to live a year without hearing any of those things, those things that made my heart swell with joy.”

“I know, I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have said that.”

“And he’s dead! He’s dead Sophie! I curse the illness that took him away, but it never does anything. It doesn’t bring him back! And now… now I don’t see the point of living.”

“I–I’m really sorry! I don’t… I don’t know what to say… I don’t know what to do! I miss him so much, I– he’d always come over, and play and laugh! And now that he doesn’t… there’s… there’s this hole, a hold that refuses to be filled no matter what I try… and then there’s Emma… she’s been asking when he’ll come home… I can’t… I can’t bring myself to tell her.”

“You need to. If I have to… I’ll–I’ll come right over to your house and tell her myself. She was his best friend, and it’s an injustice that she doesn’t know, and it can’t go on anymore. It would hurt. I don’t want to do it, but you must tell her, and if you won’t then you’ll force me to break her heart, and I think I’ve had enough sadness for the rest of my life.”

“I know… I know… I just… I don’t know how… I… I want to spare her from the pain.”

“That’s our job as mothers! No mother ever wants their child to be sad… but… she needs to know. You’re hurting her by not telling her.”

“I know, but I can picture the way she’ll break. She’ll cry, and cry… and then… then she’ll hate me.”

“She won’t hate you.”

“I’ve lied for so long. Her friend has been dead for a year!”

“She might be a little mad… but the longer you let her believe he’s coming back…”

“I–I know, but how do I tell her?”

“I don’t know! Bring her a treat or something, give her some ice cream then break the news.”

“No amount of good can cancel out the fact he’s gone.”

“I didn’t say it would. I don’t know how to tell her, but I’m going to be honest, that’s not my problem. Today I have other things to worry about. I want to… I want to… lie down and never get back up. I don’t want to deal with this!”

“I’m sorry, I know today must be hard for you.”

“It is, that’s probably why I’m here, pretending he’s picking out some books. If I can lie and trick myself… then maybe… maybe I’ll make it through today.”

“I guess this conversation isn’t making it easy to lie to yourself.”

“It’s not, but I–I think I–I think it’s wrong to try to forget him. Because he deserves to be remembered.”

“I’ll never forget him.”

“I know, and neither will I.”

“I–I’m sorry. He–he was just–just such a wonderful boy.”

“I know, I know, I–”

“And I know that I need to tell Emma. She deserves to know, but her acting like he’s still alive carries away some of my sadness. It allows me to… to partly believe he’s still here. If I tell her… not only will it hurt her… it will take away the one thing that makes me believe he’s alive.”

“I know what you mean, but… I… we need to stop. Stop lying to ourselves. Whatever we say or do… it doesn’t make the fact that he’s dead less true.”

“Yes, I know. That’s why… tonight… I’ll–I’ll tell Emma, and when her heart breaks… I’ll… I’ll hug her close and… try to help.”

“Good. I–I’m going to head out.”

“Okay… and… if you ever want to talk… I’m here. I for one think it would at least do me a lot of good.”

“Thanks… I– that would be really nice… and… if–if Emma wants to… to come along as well… tell her… tell her she can.”

“Okay… I–I will…”

“Good… see you soon?”

“Yeah, see you soon.”

***

“Sir, the simulation was a success. I think we’re on to something here. The AI is improving. Take a look at this conversation it generated. If it keeps up at this pace, we might have an AI that understands emotions.”