Lila Lies

“The neighbor is a vampire.”

I look up from my mashed potatoes at my daughter Lila, who is watching me from across the dinner table with her big blue eyes. It’s the week before Halloween. Cory, my husband, stabs a green bean with his fork and laughs.

“I didn’t realize you even knew what vampires were.”

She smiles smugly and rolls her eyes. “Of course I know what a vampire is, daddy.”

Lila is four, and loves all things Halloween. I had spent nine months dreaming of princess parties and tiaras and all things pink and glittery, with very little inclination that I would be giving birth to this generation’s Wednesday Addams.

Cory nudges me with an elbow, shaking me out of my reverie. His blue eyes, so alike our daughter’s in shape and color, is playful, while hers is only ever sinister. I made the mistake of trying to tell him this after a night of passing a wine bottle back and forth together in bed. He laughed until he realized I was being serious. We don’t fight very often, but it led to a two hour argument that ended with him going to bed angry with me. I finally convinced him that it was just the alcohol that night making me say that, nothing more than just a weird mood I was in.

Lila smirks at me, mashed potatoes smeared under her lip. “Mommy is scared of vampires, right, mommy?”

“Which neighbor?” I ask her, making sure to keep my voice light.

She pauses, like she’s having to consider telling me. She likes having secrets. She has always made a habit of hiding her things and then crying to Cory for days about how she lost it. He makes a big deal of searching through the house with her, using flashlights and lamps, and even dressing for the occasion. Celebrating once it’s found. She has made a puppet of my husband who always indulges her every whim.

“Jesse,” she finally says, sounding pleased.

I shrug at her, cock my head, cast a glance over to Cory to make sure he can’t see the challenge in my gaze. “I don’t even know who that is.”

“You will,” she promises sweetly, plopping a chicken bite in her mouth. Cory reaches over and smooths out her hair.

“You have a great imagination, baby girl,” he coos at her, using the voice he only ever uses for Lila. She smiles, leans into him.

I mix my green beans into my mashed potatoes, feeling sick at my stomach. I wait until Cory is preoccupied with something on his phone and I excuse myself from the table, telling him that I’m going to lay down for a few minutes. He flashes a look of concern at me, but within a few seconds his attention is back on his phone.

That night, he turns his lamp on and sits upright in bed. I know this is code for he wants to talk so I sit cross-legged across from him, our knees touching.

“Is everything going okay with Lila, through the day when I’m not here?”

He’s too nice to ask me directly, but I know that he still worries about the things that I said when I was drinking. I put my hand over his, squeeze it. “Everything’s great, honey.”

He nods, looking satisfied. He runs a hand down my back in a sweeping motion, his fingers pressed against me. I know he wants to have sex, but I slip under the covers and turn away from him. After a few minutes he slides in next to me, draping an arm across my waist.

I miss having him all to myself so I snuggle into the crook of his arm, turn back around, breathe in his cologne, feel his stubble on my nose. Maybe I do want sex, I think, and I press my palm against his stomach. The silence is broken by a knock at the door.

“No.” I murmur against his chest, wrapping my arms around him.

Annoyance flashes across his face, so quickly I’m not even sure if it happened. “Lila could have had a nightmare,” he tells me, pulling his pants back on and opening the door.

I turn back to the wall and hear her ask if she can sleep with us. She always makes sure to lay in the middle, her body stretched out in a way that feels disrespectful.

I fall asleep wondering who Jesse is, if he’s even one of our neighbors.

***

It is three days later when I meet Jesse. Fall is wrapping our neighborhood in it’s embrace, sprinkling the landscaping with reddened leaves and pine cones. Days are still tinged with summer heat, but quickly give way to cool evenings. I remember to grab a jacket to cover my arms for my evening jog and take off. The streetlights are just starting to come on.

I almost run right in to him a few blocks away. He rounds the back of his vehicle and I have to make a sudden stop, almost tripping over myself. He is wearing a heavy plaid jacket and carrying two pumpkins, one snug under each arm.

“I am so sorry,” I tell him, wiping my forehead off on my sleeve. He has kind eyes and is almost handsome, in a unique sort of way.

I do the customary introduction, gesture in the direction of my house, and then he unloads a pumpkin into his trunk and holds his hand out. “I’m Jesse. I just moved in.”

The vampire, I think. I look him over. He’s young, mid-twenties probably, with round cheeks and green eyes flecked with gold. I shake his hand and his skin is warm to the touch and I hate that I even paid attention.

“I need to get going. Nice to meet you.” I am all manners and smiles, putting on my most neighborly face. I run all the way home as fast as I can, relishing in the burn of my lungs, in the way the cold air feels like it’s scooping something out of me.

***

It’s Halloween Eve and Cory has just left for work. Lila sits in the living room floor in her jack o-lantern pajamas, staring at the television even though it’s turned off. Sometimes I think she does stuff like this on purpose to get under my skin. I wave a hand in front of her face and her eyes catch on mine. “Did you meet Jesse, Amanda?” She says this tauntingly. She only ever uses my name when Cory is not around.

“Yes, I did, and he seemed perfectly normal. And warm. So there’s that.” I feel smug as I say this and I busy myself with the dishes, determined not to let her get to me. I turn the sink water up as hot as I can and scrub until my fingers are red.

I finish and turn to start on laundry and Lila is standing directly behind me. She moves around the house in perfect silence, always has, and I am still not used to it. “Aren’t you scared of living next to a vampire?” I have fixed her hair in a french braid and the contradiction in her appearance and words always shocks me.

“It’s the day before Halloween. What better time to invite over a vampire?” I walk around her to the laundry room and she follows, her lips pouty. I attempt to lose myself in the peace that I have always found from clean laundry, the smell of detergent in the air, the fall of the scent beads into the washing drum.

“I would hope you wouldn’t actually invite him in.” She sounds annoyed by this possibility, her eyes wary. It’s different than the normal Lila reaction so I stop, study her.

“Actually, I already have. He’s coming tomorrow for dinner before trick-or-treat.”

She leaves without another word, disappears to her bedroom. I almost go after her, almost want to question her. But Lila has a way of sniffing out lies and I don’t want her to know that I’m lying yet. I think back to Jesse, the way he shook my hand, and decide I might invite him over for real.

***

During the early hours of Halloween, I make myself a cup of coffee, wrap myself in my robe and drink it on my porch while the sun rises. This is how I make important decisions, under the fading of night, when everyone is still asleep. Inviting Jesse for dinner seems innocuous enough, but I have to see it from every angle to be sure that Lila can’t use it against me somehow. She has always been good at starting fights between Cory and I, and the last thing I want is another weekend of the silent treatment.

I stroll down the sidewalk later, trying to remember which house is his. I wonder if he will be curious about my proposal, if he will even want to come. I try not to think about the fact that I don’t know anything about this man, other than the fact that he is not a vampire.

I find Jesse’s house and knock on his front door. All of his shades are drawn close, his house quiet even though the houses around me are showing signs of people waking up, fixing breakfast, letting their dogs out for a morning pee. The hairs on the back of my neck rise up without warning. I shift around, about to just leave, when the door opens.

Jesse looks like I just woke him up out of his sleep, messy hair falling in his tired eyes. “I apologize. I hope I didn’t wake you.”

He rubs his eyes, yawns, shifts in the doorway. “It’s okay. Can I help you?”

“I’m Amanda. We met the other evening. I was hoping to invite you to dinner tonight, since you’re new around here.” I notice some toys lining the walls in the room behind him and prepare myself for a no, sure he’s got a family in there.

“Um, sure. I guess I can swing by.” He leans back into his house, shielding his eyes from the sun.

“Great! Does 6 sound okay?”

I give him my details and tell him not to feel obligated to bring anything. I walk the whole way home with a smile.

***

I decide to go all out and I spend the day in the kitchen, roasting a beef tenderloin with garlic and herbs and fixing some lemon seared asparagus to go on the side. Lila watches me apprehensively from the living room, but doesn’t say anything. I had dressed her for the day in an orange and white striped shirt and some overalls, but she has changed her own clothes, putting on a white and black polka dot dress that I’ve never seen before.

Lila is always wearing new clothes or playing with new toys that appear mysteriously and it has never once not gave me full body chills.

Cory gets home from work and presses his lips against my forehead. “It smells great in here, Mandy.” He kisses me again, this time on my cheek, and wraps his arms around me.

“I invited over Jesse, the new neighbor, for dinner.” I inform him casually, as if it’s no big deal.

Cory’s eyes slide over to Lila. “The one she called a vampire?”

“Yes, I thought it would be good for her. Show her that monsters aren’t real.” I turn to his chest, wrap sudsy arms around his neck. “Maybe it’ll help with the nightmares?”

Lila pretends not to notice us talking, but I know she’s listening. She is dressing and undressing her Barbies one by one. She has been quiet for hours, has not even asked for lunch.

Cory doesn’t look convinced, which stabs a hole in my heart. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

I take a deep breath, count to ten in my head, try to keep my facial expression mild. “I feel like it is, yes.”

“She’s only four, Amanda. I don't see how putting her in situations she's uncomfortable with helps her.” He shakes his head slightly. I can tell by the edge in his voice that if this goes badly it will be my fault.

He leaves to shower and change clothes so I set the table. I use an orange gingham table cover, thinking of the pumpkins Jesse carried. I have been so focused on proving Lila wrong that I did not consider his attractiveness, how it will feel in this space, with my husband sitting next to me. I have just sat down the last dish when I hear a knock at the door.

Lila gets to the door before I do. She puts her back to it and stares at me, eyes defiant. I cross my arms, waiting, ready to push her aside if I have to. She sneers as if she can read my thoughts. “Just don’t be fucking stupid, okay?”

“Oh wow, cursing now? Your dad will love to hear that.” She rolls her eyes and steps out of the way.

Jesse is waiting at the door with a bottle of expensive looking wine in one hand, yellow roses in the other. “Yellow! My favorite,” I tell him and busy myself crossing the room with the bouquet, snipping the stems so to put it in a vase of water. Jesse is still standing at the door when I turn around.

“Sorry, I thought it’d be rude to just barge in. Is it okay if I come on in?”

“Yes, of course! So sorry. Where’s my manners? Jesse, this is my daughter Lila.” I pause and then add, begrudgingly. “My husband Cory will be down here shortly.”

Jesse is tall enough that he has to duck his head slightly when coming through the door. He drops to a squat in front of Lila. “Hi, Lila.” He uses a baby voice and I suddenly have the urge to separate them.

“Dinner is just through here, down this way. This is where we eat every night. I think it’s so important for families to eat at a kitchen table, don’t you?” I realize I’m rambling, but Jesse looks satisfied and takes a seat.

“It smells delicious. Thank you, Amanda. You are very kind.”

I see Lila fake gag behind him.

“Hey, baby girl.” Cory comes in and scoops Lila up in his arms. I introduce Cory and Jesse to one another. Cory usually sits next to me, but he places Lila on the chair beside of him and I am left to sit next to Jesse.

Just a few minutes into dinner, Lila slumps over against Cory’s arm. “Daddy, I don’t feel good.”

A ploy, then. Cory starts doting on her, backs his chair up to excuse himself, but I beat him to it.

“I’ll put her to bed! I’ve been wanting to try reading to her more before bed anyway. I’ll be right back.”

Lila starts to cry then, big fat tears sliding down her face. I resist the urge to shake her. Cory looks unsure, his eyes going back and forth between her and I. Bed time has always belonged to him. I hoist Lila up and carry her to her room, my ears shrinking from the wailing.

“You little brat,” I say to her, once her bedroom door is shut behind us. She starts clawing at me, trying to get down, and I wrap my arms tighter around her. “Stop this right now, Lila.”

“Daddy! Daddy!” she starts shrieking, her voice ringing through my head, and I clap my hand over her mouth, muffling her screams.

I feel her teeth sink into my finger and I drop her on the ground. She scampers out from underneath me, throws herself at the door. I catch her in my arms. “Lila, stop!”

“He’s a vampire! He’s going to kill daddy!” Her voice is hysterical and I feel goosebumps break out on my arms. I have been scared of Lila since I met her, since the nurse lifted her to my breasts and I saw the darkness in her deep blue eyes, but I have never saw her scared of anything.

“He’s not a vampire, Lila. His skin was warm.” I say this to her calmly, easing up my grip on her, suddenly needing her reassurance.

She is sniffling, her face patched and red. “He was carrying the pumpkins. They were sitting in the sun and he picked them up because he saw you coming.” Her words come out in hiccups, her hands grasping at her chest as if she can’t breathe. “His hands were warm because of the pumpkins.”

“How did you know about the pumpkins?” The words are out, before I fully register what she’s actually said. I feel myself go numb. I lock eyes with her, watch her shudder.

I stumble to my feet, feeling dizzy and run out to the kitchen. Cory is slumped over at the table and behind him, Jesse watches me, fangs bared. Blood covers them both, a deep red seeping into my vision.

He smiles and I feel Lila’s hand suddenly, the warmth of it sliding into my own, tugging at me. Jesse hunkers down as if to pounce. His voice is rough when he finally speaks. “Run.”