Drifting

It's a grim day down at the beach. I have no idea why my friends still insisted on coming here once we saw the dark clouds, but here we are.

I float on my back in the water, eyes closed, just listening to them yell and laugh on the shore. I like being around them, but their energy felt like too much for me today.

I know I probably shouldn't be out here though, the tide is pretty strong. But the feeling of the waves rolling beneath me is comforting.

I let my mind wander, the thoughts that have consumed me for weeks resurfacing now that it's quiet.

I don't know how much longer I can go.

I'm so tired.

My thoughts get even louder, and my head starts to hurt. I just want it to stop. I want to stop existing.

How can no one see that I'm struggling? Hasn't anyone noticed how I'm not the same as I was before?

I open my eyes, staring at the grey sky. No one really cares about me, do they?

I don't blame them.

I take a deep breath in to sigh, but before I can even breath out a wave crashes into me hard.

I use my arms and legs to keep me afloat as I look around.

No wonder it was so quiet. No wonder I couldn't hear my friends. I am nowhere near the shore. I hadn't realized how far the waves had taken me.

I can see them in the distance, and I wonder if they've noticed that I'm not there.

Another wave hits me, and it takes me under. I try to resurface, but just as I do, another hits.

The current thrashes me around and keeps me underwater. I keep trying to swim but it's just not working.

I find myself getting pushed deeper and deeper, overpowered and nothing to hold on to.

I am going die here.

Cold. Alone.

Any second now, the air will escape from my lungs, and water will rush in as I sink deeper into the abyss. The salt burns my eyes and my vision blurs. The sight of the surface grows more distant. No one is coming to save me.

Why would they?

A useless waste of space like me? I am better off being forgotten, embraced by the depths of the ocean. A worthless piece of trash, gone, just like that. Left without a trace.

I guess I'm finally getting what I wanted.

Deep down though, I am screaming. Screaming for someone, anyone to come and save me from this agony. It hurts so bad, I want it to stop. Please, someone save me.

But no one comes.

I continue to drift for who knows how long, hair flowing around me like an ethereal piece of art. I close my eyes, accepting the darkness, waiting for whatever that lies in store for me below to claim me.

This is it. This is how I die.

Goodbye, I guess.

I wish I could have done more...

...

...

...

My eyes fling open, and in desperation I thrash my limbs around, fighting against the water's pressure.

I don't want to die. I don't want to hurt anymore.

But no one is coming. Why am I fighting? What hope do I have left? Is there even anything waiting for me on the surface?

I should just give up and let myself sink...

No! No one's coming, but I'm not doing anything either! I need to swim. I need to get out of here myself.

No one is coming, so I can't keep waiting for them, or else I'll end up staying down here forever.

I swim as hard as I can, but the crushing weight of the ocean presses against me, and my racing heart is about to burst out of my chest. It hurts. It hurts so bad.

I'm scared.

I might not make it...

No, I have to make it.

I have to keep going. I will not drown, not yet.

I'm almost to the surface. It's right there.

But my body betrays me, and I can no longer hold my mouth shut. My lungs gasp for air, desperate for relief, but they only find water.

I go faster, doing whatever I can to survive.

My hands break through the surface, but my body does not follow.

I lose control. I can't feel my limbs anymore.

My vision quickly fades, and I hear my mind go quiet.

If only I had started swimming sooner.

It's too late.

I'm sorry...

I tried. I tried my best.

...

I don't know how much time has passed when I come to. I don't know what is going on, I just can't stop coughing.

I'm on my side, and it's loud. I hear... voices?

There are comforting hands rubbing my back, and something drapes over me... A blanket.

It takes a while before I can pry my eyes open. It's bright.

I sit up gingerly, and looking around, I see blurry figures move around me.

People.

I stare blankly, still dazed and catching my breath.

I'm... alive?

I'm alive.

Tears flood my eyes, guttural sobs escape my throat.

Someone hugs me tight, their warmth piercing through me.

"Oh thank god! I'm so glad you're okay- If you hadn't splashed your arms around we might've never found you-"

"...Y-you were looking for me?"

"Of course- we called for help and got on a boat the moment we realized you were missing. One moment you're drifting with the waves, and the next you're nowhere to be seen. The water is so murky, we couldn't see where you were..."

My vision starts to clear, and I see my friends surrounding me.

Their relieved faces making me realize that I have more of a presence in this world than I thought. They all hug me, cry with me, and I realize that I am not alone.

I pulled myself high enough to where they could reach me.

And they found me. They saved me.

It's a sunny day down at the beach.