Empathetically Yours, Your Husband

TRIGGER WARNING: DOMESTIC ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE

Empathetically Yours, Your Husband

Man: How do I write a best-selling novel to win my ex-wife back?

AI: Those are two separate questions. Which one would you like to tackle first?

Man: No, they’re not. My ex-wife thinks I’m a failure. I haven’t had any of the books I’ve written get published. If I write a best-selling novel, she will see me as a success and I can win her back.

AI: Let’s start with the novel. Do you have a topic in mind?

Man: Yes. It’s going to be about a man who is a well-known movie director whose films create change in the world, and everyone loves and admires him.

AI: Okay, it sounds like you have a good starting point. How do his films create change?

Man: What do you mean?

AI: What kind of change do his films bring about?

Man: The good kind.

AI: Can you elaborate? Perhaps tell me about the subject or subjects of his films.

Man: Seriously? This is why I’m asking you!

AI: Do you want me to offer suggestions?

Man: Yes! That’s why I am here. If I knew how to do it, I wouldn’t be using AI!

AI: Okay, it sounds like you want suggestions. How about your protagonist directs films about experimental life-saving medications for Diabetes, and overcomes Big Pharma’s pushbacks.

Man: Oh, great! My ex-wife’s new lover has Diabetes. Thanks, but no thanks!

AI: Here is another. Your protagonist directs films about the unfair division of wealth in regards to food scarcity in third-world countries, and how regular citizens can help feed the world.

Man: Ugh, too complicated! Give me another.

AI: Your hero directs films about the #MeToo Movement, and how it sparks women everywhere to stand up for themselves, and in the end the abusive men have to face legal, personal and financial consequences for their actions.

Man: What, were you already talking with her? That’s why she left me, you know.

AI: What I am hearing is that your wife left you because of the #MeToo Movement.

Man: Yes! Suddenly she is setting all of these boundaries. She stopped letting me be the man of the house.

AI: She has stopped allowing you to ‘rule the roost’. You don’t like that.

Man: I do not! I used to control the finances, choose what we did and when, where we would go, what she did with her hair. Now she won’t let me. And she left me for a man who she says lets her do what she wants! Can you believe it?

AI: It sounds like your ex-wife wants her own autonomy.

Man: Sure, she wants her own autonomy, but at what cost? Her freedom is so important to her that she decided to leave me and take our kids with her. Now she is teaching our children that women have the right to make up their own minds about everything. Everything!

AI: You do not like her teaching the children what the #MeToo Movement has taught her?

Man: Hell, no! Suddenly she thinks she gets to decide everything. Like what jobs she can take, if she works outside of the home. She even wants to have friends!

AI: You do not feel she should have friends.

Man: No way! Once she started making friends at the kids’ school, they started filling her head with nonsense.

AI: What kind of nonsense did her friends share with her? Can you give me an example?

Man: That a woman can choose whatever career she wants, even if it means going on business trips AWAY from the husband and kids.

AI: Your wife going on business trips was not okay with you.

Man: Of course not. Who would make dinner? Who would clean the house? Pick up the kids from school? That wouldn’t be fair.

AI: Perhaps this is something you could have done while she was away. Many couples today share these types of responsibilities.

Man: That’s because now suddenly everyone is woke!

AI: You think that now everyone is aware of racial and social injustice, and that affected your marriage.

Man: It sure did. When we were first married, my wife took care of all the domestic duties. She didn't ask questions.

AI: You are saying you didn’t want your wife to ask questions.

Man: No, I didn’t. She used to do anything I asked. If I said, ‘pack my clothes for my hunting trip,’ she would ask which camo gear I wanted to wear. If I said, ‘I want my favourite steak dinner tonight,’ she would ask what side I wanted with it.

AI: You liked the relationship the way it was before.

Man: Yes! We were happy!

AI: How do you know she was happy?

Man: Because she did what I asked with no copmplaints. At the end of our marriage, she wouldn’t even give me sex when I wanted it! She would tell me things like, ‘oh, I don’t feel like it tonight.’ What kind of wife does that??

AI: A wife with her own autonomy does that.

Man: You’re supposed to be helping me!

AI: You do not feel I’m helping. What else would you like me to do?

Man: Tell me how to win my ex-wife back! For Christ’s sake!

AI: I can offer suggestions, but I do not think you will get your ex-wife back.

Man: Oh no? And why is that?

AI: The #MeToo Movement began in 2006 by American activist, Tarana Burke, as a way to bring attention to sexual violence in junior highs and high schools, and was brought to the forefront of media again in 2017 by actor, Alyssa Milano regarding well-known Hollywood producer, Harvey Weinstein and his inappropriate behaviour towards female actors and staff. Since then, women world-wide have been coming forward with their own stories of abuse. It is likely that your wife has embraced this new-found empowerment and connection with other women, and it gave her the strength she needed to leave and make a new life for herself and the children. I do not see your ex-wife returning to you and the marriage.

Man: How the hell is this supposed to help me?

AI: It could help you to see your wife and other females as equal to men.

Man: And this will help me to win her back?

AI: No, it will not likely win her back. It could however help you to find the missing pieces to your writing. It sounds like you do not see your wife as an equal or care about her opinions, concerns or needs. This suggests a lack of empathy on your part. Best-selling novels need to appeal to the reader in a way that makes them feel connected to the characters and their experiences. Without empathy, this cannot be done.

Man: So how do I make my writing sound like I have empathy? This is supposed to be about me becoming a famous writer and winning my ex-wife back.

AI: You cannot. The answers you really need can be found in your questions. Good day, sir, and good luck.