The love of my life

Loosely inspired by true events.

Another freezing day….

It was two hours past my normal end of work when I finished the report for the boss.

In front of me was the website of the famous sauna world YWB OP.

“Your warm bones, our pleasure.”

I realised that just a year ago, I was at the university, in a lecture on financial reporting.

Now the report was ready, and the sauna was waiting for me.

My usual route led through the city centre, past a small square, to the building housing the sauna world.

The small square was bustling.

People whistled.

Pigeons fought for a cracker.

A Granny leaned towards the old tree.

She wore a red T-shirt under a gray blouse, high heels, and blue jeans. Imagining her on a fashion-week catwalk would be scandalous.

The Granny shouted:

“We didn’t agree to that. Give me back those twenty dollars.”

“You are ugly.”

“Don’t shout at me.”

“Next time we walk separately!”

A few people stopped and watched her fight.

I watched her for a while, looking for the other person she was talking to.

No one was there.

No phone.

No pair of headphones with a microphone.

Every time she shouted, she moved her head weirdly down:

“You will not tell me what to do.”

One person after another stopped and watched her like a busker singing her own best songs.

The Granny continued.

“One more time and we go home!”

“I told you … you will not do this to me!”

I realised the sauna will be open soon. My legs started to walk again towards the sauna.

My eyes watched her one more time, now, from a different angle.

Nevertheless, still, no one else with her, just herself and her funny bag.

Now, there was already a big group of strangers standing there, watching her little show, and cheering her on.

She turned her face towards me, stared for a while, and smiled. I stopped, flabbergasted.

She took the lipstick out of her funny bag and coloured her lips.

Then she shouted to no one again:

“Are you kidding me?”

”This is for what you have done to me.”

“Take this.”

She hit herself in the crotch and cried:

“Yauu!”

In that time, the police arrived and began assessing the situation.

I am not sure what it was, but something felt familiar about her.

The look Granny gave me triggered something deeper in me. I had to see her again. My heart beat so strongly. My breathing was so loud. The feeling you feel once in a lifetime.

They put her in handcuffs and walked her out through the lavender beds. She kicked a few lavender plants, and it smelled everywhere.

In a moment, the order was restored, and people left the scene!

I knew that police uniform. It was from the special Thought Police Unit.

They will interrogate and brainwash her. The internet is full of messages confused after TPU interventions.

In no time, a sauna receptionist welcomed me inside YWB OP.

I couldn’t stay in the sauna room for long, as I was still thinking about the Granny.

There was something that had to be done and quickly.

When I returned home, I knew what to do. I need to save her from her own monsters.

When I was checking my attic for anything useful, I hit my head so hard I had to sit…When I sat, I accidentally farted. Then it hit me.

“I will build a perfartum mobile to get the Granny out of the police station.”

An exoskeleton, working on hydrogen and methane.

But where was the Granny locked up? Calling every police station in the country to ask for her wouldn’t be appropriate. My heart hurt.

Finally, I had my machine ready for a test.

I headed to the longest street leading from my house, eager to be the fastest man on Earth.

I ran and felt like I was walking on clouds. So powerful!

After a while … no more gas, my speed slowed down significantly.

In that moment, a person looking like homeless asked me:

“Can I ask you for anything?”

I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to give him any coins, but I listened with a bit of an annoying face.

“Is there any supermarket nearby?”

“Coleagues send me for some food, but I am not from here.”

“I am on an internship in the nearby police station.”

I looked at him and answered:

“There is one at the end of this street.”

He replied:

“Thank you, we locked some crazy grandma, and I am looking for something to eat for her before we process her. She looks like a dried-up cherry.”

I noticed the guy had TPU on his hoodie.

“Finally, that was my lucky moment.”

My heart pounded. A smile changed my face again.

I thought.

“I knew about one police station that is closeby.”

We parted ways.

When I returned home, I ate so many lentils that I had trouble falling asleep.

The next day, I took on my perfartum mobile and neared the police station.

When I entered the police station, my belly already started working. The rear tube was connected and trembling.

I entered the station and ran towards the police chief. I stole his keys. Then quickly…Opened the locked room with the Granny, and before anyone started to notice anything, I took Granny on my back and ran.

Bzzm

We were already in a different neighborhood when the machine stopped.

The Granny stepped down from my back and started to talk to herself again:

“You see, that happens when you don’t look.”

I pondered.

“What should I say? Does she have a partner?”

“I am too young for her.”

“What am I doing here?”

“Does she like me?”

“I need to say something clever.”

She stared at me for ten minutes and then said:

“I will not continue with you.”

“You have not proved yourself enough.”

“I am Sleeping Beauty, but I have some unfinished business with someone whose name is not spoken.”

“Find me when you finish your talk!”