The Trajectory Door

With a heavy thud the steel door of the American embassy in Frankfurt shut behind her, pulling her senses to a sudden stop when she realized what it actually meant. It was a door that she could no longer seek refuge in if she needed to, God forbid. Rose had made an unusual decision several months back. She renounced her American citizenship, a decision that changed the trajectory of her life. In 2011, after divorcing her abusive German husband of 29 years, she knew she could earn better money and see a beautiful part of the world working as a nurse in Switzerland. With her BSN and American passport she assumed it would be a straight forward matter. Yet after her initial meeting with Herr Kohler, a nursing recruiter specializing in getting nurses relocated in Switzerland, she realized it was to be a formidable task. The hiring of an American nurse required additional permits and the proof that no Swiss or EU candidate was available for the job. In other words, simply being a qualified and experienced nurse was not enough if the passport was wrong.

Sitting on the balcony of her one bedroom flat, she sipped her chilled white wine in contemplation. The lemon light aura radiating from the yellow rapeseed field in front of her gave her pause for thought. Its beauty was a double edged sword as just on the other side of its ridge was where she had lived the better part of three decades with a man who had changed from good to bad. Her son had gone to college several years ago, her current nursing job kept her afloat, but the knowledge that her ex was so close kept her from moving forward and she didn’t want to be stuck in the past.

“Well, if you ever decide to get your German citizenship let me know. I can get you a job anywhere in Switzerland.” he said. Sitting across from Herr Kohler she felt the initial excitement she had escape her and like an air cushion with a slow leak she could feel herself sinking deeper and deeper. “That’s not a decision I ever thought I’d have to make.” she answered back. “But I’ll think about it.” She caressed her glass stopping the condensation from dripping onto her bare legs. She looked up just as the sun disappeared into a part of her life that she knew she had to leave behind. And the next morning she took the steps to get her German passport and moved to Switzerland several months later with no regrets. This new trajectory of her life took her to places she never imagined. Doors opened and closed in Germany, Switzerland, the UK, France, Italy and Turkey before she came back full circle to the place of her birth in Michigan. Years plus of courage, searching and faith kept her moving forward until the universe brought her back home.

It was unique to be sure, even her immigration lawyer stated he had never seen such a set of circumstances before. And yet here she was, a German citizen, former American citizen, requesting permission to enter the United States legally with hopes of attaining a green card. Seven weeks after applying she found herself sitting in the United States office of Citizenship and Immigration Services with her new husband. Ping! “Number 32, door 5.” said the computerized voice. They were greeted by a stone-faced, 5 foot 10 physically fit man with slick wavy black hair. His eyes were set in cold blue glass, almost non-blinking and evasive each time Rose tried to look into them. It was not the vibe they had hoped for. Al Pacino in the movie Serpico went though her head of all things. “So, you came back here just to get married?” He said without looking at her as they settled into their chairs. Rose remained silent for a moment. “Well, no.” she looked at Charlie. “It’s a long story.” she continued. “I’ve got all day.” he cooly replied. She cleared her throat with a nervous cough. “I didn’t see this coming, not at all. I was in the process of early retirement back in Germany after traveling to so many countries, I guess I was a little lost!”

She looked at him hoping for a flicker of sympathy and saw none. Rose smiled a little feeling embarrassed, realizing that finding a common thread with this man would be difficult. He was doing his job and not showing any emotion. Her personal choices in life were irrelevant to him. He just needed to find out if she was honest and telling the truth. Rose continued “I was looking for a smaller flat, was going to get a cat and a part time job. Then Charlie called me out of the blue one day after 45 years and we talked on the phone every day after. We went to high school together. He was going through a divorce and we just hit it off. He found me on Fb of all places. He even came over to see me last May for 10 days and we saw each other for several weeks when I visited my brother last summer. This was not planned, it was a surprise for both of us. If you want to know anything else just ask away.” Rose said. He kept his gaze on the computer screen, only once looking her way. They proceeded to sit in complete silence for 15 minutes as he clicked his way through her life. “You were born here?” he looked at her puzzled. “And you gave up your citizenship 12 years ago? Explain this to me” he said. She sat with one leg crossed over her knee, her hands folded calmly in her lap. “Well, at the time my financial situation was challenging to say the least after my divorce. I had nothing holding me back in Germany so I decided to go to Switzerland to earn good money and see a new part of the world. I guess you could say I was a little lost as I moved to other countries as you know. At the time it was the right thing to do. But yes, now I see the predicament I’ve gotten myself into. But I didn’t see any of this coming.” Rose nodded over to her husband Charlie sitting next to her. “And the crazy thing is, if I were to make the same decision today, I would be allowed to keep both my passports. They changed the rules, just a few years too late for me.” He remained silent, looking at his screen. “I’d been living in Germany for the better part of thirty years and never thought I’d come back to the states other than to visit old friends and relatives which would have been easy with my German passport. All I knew back then and yes I was naive, was that I wanted to move forward and get away from where I was. The fact that I’m sitting here with you today is the last thing I would have ever imagined. Rose looked at Charlie. “But we know we have a good thing, especially at our age and we don’t want to lose it.”

Charlie and Rose were nervous yet hopeful as they had done everything asked of them. They attained one of the best immigration lawyers in the state to guide them, provided every document requested with translations not skipping a beat to the necessity of getting this done right the first time. If there was anything amiss he could very easily send her back to Germany. Rose noticed Charlie fidgeting in his chair. “Want a sip of water?” she asked. She reached into her bag and handed him the small plastic bottle. He handed it back and after taking a drink she placed it inconspicuously on the table in front of her, wondering if this immigration fellow was watching everything they were doing. She noticed her shallow breathing and took a deep breath feeling her body relax. There was nothing she could do except wait, tell the truth and hope that this stranger sitting across from them with such power over her life would decide in her favor. Was he judging her, she wondered? She looked at Charlie, the more animate of the two of them and she knew that his remaining so still and quiet was a challenge. He raised his eyes at her in question. She smiled at him and they both knew without speaking that this was the moment, a point in their existence of having a future together or not. If she was sent back it would have very likely destroyed them. The immigration officer shifted in his seat. “You did sign the renunciation papers? Do you have a copy of them?” Rose had a copy of everything, this he noticed as she had a black folder five inches high with her. “Do you have a translated copy of your German divorce? She showed it to him. Another ten minutes passed of complete silence as he clicked his way through the depths of her past. He got up then, turned around to his copy machine waiting for something to come out. Holding a paper in his hands he compared it with Rose’s, then looked directly at her. “I never would have given up my citizenship.” he coldly said. Rose froze and did not say a word. This was not the time or place to try and explain something that took her years to understand herself. She bowed her head, was it in shame or was she praying? He was judging her then after all, he didn't understand why Rose made such an unusual decision. They both remained silent on their way back to the car. Their lawyer had advised them not to speak too openly inside the building as there were eyes and ears everywhere. “Shit, I didn’t expect that.” said Rose. “Neither did I, God, that was awful.” replied Charlie. The next morning Rose kept looking at her emails, waiting for an answer. By four o’clock she had one. He may have judged her but he abided by the law. Or maybe a part of him saw the truth she was trying to explain even though he and most people could never understand it. It didn’t matter now. She was home, free, loved and she belonged again. And she was grateful for all of it.