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Weekly Contest #306
Author's Note: This story contains themes of self-harm, depression, physical violence and references to the Boston Red Sox baseball team. If you suffer from low to moderate (or even extreme) levels of general dissatisfaction with your life, or maybe just a deep and blinding sense of malaise from working under soul-sucking fluorescent lighting in a tight, bland, cubicle sequestered in the heart of an inbred corporate landscape for the majority of your waking hours...stay tuned for this important announcement. New Euphorica-ES may be right f...
Weekly Contest #299
Commander: Damn it, man! That was a complete waste of time and an extremely negligent use of our limited resources. Do you think this fleet can just continue to search the galaxies forever? Intelligence Officer: I am most sorry, sir. The data indicated that this would be a target-rich environment. We had every reason to believe that it would be ripe for harvest. Commander: So, what happened? Intelligence Officer: Well sir, the planet was indeed abundantly populated by the dominant species, just as our models predicted, however we could no...
Weekly Contest #294
I remember the day that Jenny moved into the first floor of the 5-story apartment building where I lived in Bensonhurst, Brooklyn, in the summer of 1998. School had just let out a week before and I had no real responsibilities, other than finding ways to entertain myself while staying out of trouble. It was always the second part that was difficult. Me and two of my friends who lived on the second floor - Josh and Nathan Cohen - were playing stickball out in the street, using the wall near the corner of our building as a backstop. We used a...
Weekly Contest #292
September 22, 2033 was the day that the event that came to be known as “The Fade” took place. No one from the government, scientific or academic communities could provide any explanation for it. Over the course of just a few hours that day, all of the colors - all but black and white anyway - simply faded away from this world. That was also the last day that it rained. There were many questions: Why is this happening? How could this possibly occur? Is this permanent? What do I tell my children? There was much speculation in response: Thi...
Weekly Contest #290
"With his back against the San Francisco traffic On the bridge’s side that faces towards the jail Setting out to join a demographic He hoists his first leg up over the rail… A phone call is made and police cars show up quickly The sergeant slams his passenger door He says ‘Hey Son, why don’t you talk through this with me’ ‘Just tell me what you’re doing it for?’ Oh, it’s a little bit of everything It’s the mountains, it’s the fog It’s the news at six o’clock And it’s the death of my first dog It's the angels up above me It’s the song tha...
Weekly Contest #287
Craigslist>Ann Arbor>Jobs>Household Help Help wanted with household chores. Retired widow living in a large home in need of help with cleaning, gardening, cooking, etc. Great part-time job for a young woman in college or otherwise. Please email if you are interested in scheduling an interview. References required. It is not okay for recruiters to contact this job poster. Oh hi, sweetheart. You must be Amber. Look at you! The boys must be tripping over themselves to stand next to you. Come on in. I have a kettle on the stove. Let’s sit down...
Weekly Contest #285
Hi. My name is Pete and I’m a squirrel! I’m one of those gray squirrels (we’re actually golden brown, but that’s what you idiots labeled our species for some inexplicable reason) and I live across the street from you over there in the park. You’ve probably seen me and my friends before. We are always out and about. You probably think we are cute, but trust me, we hate you. You suck. I remember when you guys had that whole beautiful, wonderful “COVID-19 Pandemic” thing a few years back. That was the best! Most brilliant idea you guys ever ha...
Weekly Contest #277
CW: Mentions of sexual violence and gun violence “You have to make an effort. You have to try to fit in. You just have to try harder to make some friends.” That, and things like that, are what my parents always told me, and then they would give me my daily dose of Prozac, Xanax and Adderall and whatever else, and then I would just drift off somewhere, trying to make sense of everything. Trying to escape the dark clouds. I was confused and alone. I was always alone. I wanted to get my nose or my eyebrow pierced again. I wanted more black ta...
Weekly Contest #276
Andre was my best friend in the summer of 1982. I met him at the YMCA summer camp held at White Plains High School in Westchester County, New York when I was 13 years old. He was black and I was white. We became fast friends. We rode together on the bus every day and we shared our lunch and we played dodgeball and sometimes we stood up to the bullies together. We didn't always win, and sometimes we left bloody, but we always stood together. If you fought Andre, you were definitely gonna fight me too, and vice versa. He was skinny and lanky ...
Weekly Contest #275
I was a dog person, not a cat person. I had always been a dog guy my whole life, so I was a little disjointed when the feral black cat sauntered out of the alley by my apartment building that morning and just glanced at me with a saucy look on her face and then began leading me towards the entrance to the downtown 6 train. I knew where I was going. I grew up here, for fuck sake. What am I, some God damned tourist? I don’t need your help. Fuck off, Cat! You’re lucky if I don’t kick you out into traffic. I know how to get to the fuckin’ subwa...
Weekly Contest #274
I saw my cousin Audrey five times after she died. The first time was at the wake. I remember looking down into her child-sized coffin and thinking that her head looked just fine. Her skin was really pale but otherwise she basically looked like she always did, her curly blonde locks flowing down her shoulders. I stood there for a minute or so, feeling awkward, and then I went and took a seat next to my mother. She was praying silently with her palms pressed together in her lap and her eyes closed, so I did the same. I mentally recited The L...
Weekly Contest #272
It was already too late. I was a dead man, and I knew it. Her teeth were out and she was coming for me at a full sprint with that insane glazed-over look in her eyes. There would be no reasoning with her. No negotiations. No quarter given. I knew all this and I also knew it wouldn’t be long before she overtook me. Still, self-preservation is a basic human instinct so I ran and I ran hard. I ran for all I was worth. When I reached the fence I had just enough time to slam the gate shut behind me, and I’m sure if I had not she would have take...
Weekly Contest #269
The ring was perfect. It was a 1.75 carat "Princess Cut" stone in an elegantly stylized platinum setting that encircled the diamond like a cresting wave. Colin had been stopping by the window of this jewelry shop on his way to the subway after work once or twice a week since he first spotted it two months earlier. He just liked to look at it and calculate how much longer it would be until he saved up sufficient funds to make the purchase. Barring any unforeseen expenses, it would only be another month now. Randa was waiting for him when he...
Weekly Contest #268
Patient: James Thomas Jordan, 22 years old Date: September 23, 2013 Status: 1st stay at New Life Recovery (voluntary) Comments shared at first group thereapy session: “Hello, my name is James Thomas Jordan and apparently I am a drug addict, although I don’t really feel like I am. And I know I look like some over-privileged country club kid, and that’s basically because I am, and I also have three first names so if anyone wants to trade a last name for one of mine just let me know. I can throw in a pack of smokes if you have a good one. “An...
Weekly Contest #267
Perry Dupree shot the driver of the laundry truck as soon as he exited the vehicle and offered to lend a hand. He was a devout Christian man named Elwood LaRoux from just down south in Saint Francisville, and he probably would have stopped to help even if the road hadn’t been blocked, but Perry shot him anyway. It was the morning of August 17th, 1969 and his car was stalled out right there diagonally across the middle of the Tunica Trace along a narrow bend and there was no getting the truck around it with a deep drainage ditch close on eit...
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