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Weekly Contest #306
From: Stephanie Brown [StephBrown@aol.com]To: Manager, Insanesbury’s [VDPayne@insanesbury.co.uk]Subject: Complaint Dear Sir,I’m writing to express my dissatisfaction with your recent delivery. My order was for:A bed of roses.A bowl of cherries.Instead, I received:A rotten egg. In truth, I would have accepted a curate’s egg; a mix of good and bad.A crusty roll. You really should do something about your skin condition.Various items from your ‘Simply’ range. How did someone with your limited intellect rise to the position of manager?And a rotte...
Shortlisted for Contest #255 ⭐️
As she drove down the slip road onto the dual carriageway Nic said, ‘Pick a space. Accelerate or slow down into it.’With a little hesitation, she joined the stream of traffic and was wedged between a white transit behind her and a mini in front, other vehicles moved rapidly past in the fast lane. ‘Only a couple of junctions and then you reach the turn-off.’She was gripping the steering wheel tightly and could feel...
Weekly Contest #186
Please note this story alludes to paedophilia and incest. ‘They say robins are dead souls that come back to visit the earth’ ‘If you’re thinking it’s her, why would she? ‘Smoke?’ ‘Ta.’ ‘Why’d you come?’ ‘She was still our Mam…and I didn’t think they’d be many here.’ ‘You got that right.’ ‘How’d you hear?’ ‘Letter from a solicitor.’ ‘Me too…’ ‘D’you reckon they’ll be any money?’ ‘Nah…Come on…We’d best go in.’ *** ‘Welcome everybody. Today, family and friends are gathered here to say a sad farewell to Linda Frangopaulos. We’ll beg...
Weekly Contest #164
There were stories about Mole. Allegedly, he had once been seen in the town centre sporting green eye shadow. Another time, sparkly nail polish. If I was leaving my house as he was coming out of his, he would immediately go back inside. The people who shared his drive said that they had once offered to help him cut his hedge, and he had promptly dropped his shears and run indoors shouting. They weren’t sure what he was yelling. Unremarkable is the best description I can give of his appearance: average height and build, slightly balding, alw...
Weekly Contest #162
Thirty-four-year-old Danielle yanked open the kitchen drawer and began rooting around amongst the motley collection of batteries, utensils, creased envelopes, and sandwich bags, until at the bottom, below the crumbs, paper clips, and tweezers she found what she was looking for. Triumphantly, she pulled out the Chinese takeaway menu. Twenty-four minutes earlier, she had tumbled in her front door. Laptop bag in one hand, keys in the other, handbag over her shoulder. As she did so, her fourteen-year-old son, Matt, slunk downstairs. ‘What’s f...
Weekly Contest #161
They stood amongst the vehicles parked in the crematorium car park and watched a robin. Its chest a dash of bright colour against the surrounding grey. Dry leaves were lodged around the tyres of an SUV and it hopped around amongst these, periodically pausing, head erect, checking the visitors out, before resuming its jerky activity. Every now and again a gust of chill wind would stir the rusty leaves, and the bird would fly off, only to return when the movement ceased. Caitlin took a deep drag of her cigarette enjoying the taste on her ...
Weekly Contest #160
The kettle turns itself off with a decisive clunk and John pours boiling water onto the teabags in the mugs. ‘Dad!...you wanna cup of tea?’ No answer. John doesn’t think his father can hear him anymore. It’s either that or plain ignorance. Whatever! He takes one of the mugs through to the shadowy living room and places it on the occasional table next to where the old man sits in his riser recliner chair. ‘We’re ...
Weekly Contest #158
Fifteen-year-old Ali slowly sat up and cautiously rubbed the back of her head. Gazing around she tried to make sense of her surroundings. Gradually, like a pack of shuffled cards, her memories began to fall back into place. She could remember meeting Josh in the college car park after lectures. He’d said: ‘Want to go somewhere for a smoke?’ Then she could recall holding hands and walking together to a nearby park. Here, lying with her head in Josh’s lap, lazily sharing a spliff under the shade of one of the few trees on the recreation...
Weekly Contest #157
*Contains bad language* Here we go again - another Spanish Inquisition. Baz knew it would be followed by accusations, then tears. Why couldn’t she understand that he loved her, there was no one else. Their love had blossomed three and a half years ago at work, amidst the clattering of pots and pans and the tantalising smells of sauté potatoes and steak au poivre. Baz was the head chef at a local French restaurant. He was quiet and reserved, tall and well-built. She was one of ...
Weekly Contest #152
‘Saz. What was the name of that medium that you and Bev went to see?’ ‘Antonio Butoni’ ‘I’ve got him here for a health check…I’ve had to come and hide in the kitchen in case he can read my mind.’ ‘What?’ ‘In case, he can see how hot I think he is.’ &nbs...
Weekly Contest #151
‘Can you kill someone with a butter knife?’ ‘Take that child home immediately!’ The words had unintentionally escaped seven-year-old Jeremy. Once a month, he accompanied his parents on their duty visit to Grandmother. He endured four hours of boredom, sitting wedged between Mother and Father on her lumpy sofa. He was allowed to take a book to read, but no other form of entertainment. The adults prattled on about people and events that he had no interest in, whilst he was expected to sit there silent and still. ...
Weekly Contest #113
The shrill ringing of his alarm clock woke Frank at 7.00 am. He attempted to roll over, to thump his hand down on the small button on the top of the clock, to shut the annoying noise off. That was what he intended to do, but this morning it seemed an impossible feat. For some inexplicable reason, he was unable to do this simple thing. Instead, all he could manage was an uncoordinated thrashing of his limbs. He could feel himself beginning to panic, his heart rate accelerating and beads of sweat breaking out on his forehead. ‘Calm down’ he to...
Weekly Contest #112
Bob had been planning his escape for several days. He was gagging for a drink, and had to have one. He’d tried all his usual ploys: wheedling with staff, offering other patients’ visitors money if they would bring him a few tins in next time they came, and begging people who were being discharged to pop back and see him with a ‘little bottle of something’. All to no avail. He’d been in here for a fortnight now, and was getting desperate. The craving for that heady buzz of euphoria, followed by a blurring of reality where everyone was your fr...
Weekly Contest #111
Twenty-six-year-old Ephraim held his new wife close to him as she lay sobbing beside him. They had been married a few hours earlier in Greyfriars Church, and although he had expected some immaturity in sixteen-year-old Chloris, he was unprepared for this. A few weeks earlier, her wealthy merchant father, James Bailey, surprised him by suddenly retracting his earlier decision to refuse the pair permission to marry. He was further amazed when James had gifted the pair the small house where they were now laying. Chloris’ tears now soaked her ni...
Weekly Contest #110
Sister Marinian had tossed and turned in her single bed all night. She had had an occasional dull ache in her back tooth for several weeks. She had ignored it and carried on about her business. It soon passed. After yesterday evening’s Compline, it started again. From the initial dull throb, it escalated to a feverish stabbing, which extended from her left ear, down her jaw to the front of her mouth. Whichever way she lay, there was no respite. She tried praying, but the pain intruded, interrupting her concentration and reducing her to tears...
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