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Weekly Contest #347
I am Marcel Schettstein, Esq. I provide legal aid to souls in the Waiting Room, or what you might call “purgatory.” Humans, what you’ve learned about God and the afterlife is wrong. God is not all-knowing and all-good. God is all-seeing and all-about-the-judicial-process. He sees what you’re doing, but he doesn’t necessarily know why you’re doing it. For this reason, God created an adjudicative process for Heaven admission. He also created lawyers, like myself, to represent both souls and Heaven, and judges and legislators in his image. Howe...
Weekly Contest #346
“This one’s for the Guelph Girlies!” Karl yelled to the crowded Toronto bar. A table of twenty-something women in pink sashes cheered. A smooth guitar riff came through the speakers.“Yeah,” Karl sang. The women shrieked. The men whooed. “You are my fire,” Karl pointed to the women who held their hands over their chests in feigned delight, “my one desire. Believe when I say, EVERYBODY!” He yelled. “I want it that way!” joined the bar. After his performance, Karl was greeted by a standing ovation, five “that was awesome”s and four “you were re...
Weekly Contest #339
“It’s been six months,” uttered Emily, “we know you’re hurting, but…”“But you don’t,” I quipped, “unlike you guys, I like my parents. Now my mom is dead, my dad flew back to Nepal, and I’m stuck here working for Skynet.”“Relax,” said Jason, “here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna have some food, then we’re gonna get a few drinks and have fun. Just like old times.”“Yeah, well I’m not an alcoholic like you guys. Plus, what’s wrong if I wanna eat a pint of Haagen-Dazs and watch Paddington?”“Because you’ve been doing that every weekend,” compla...
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