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Weekly Contest #350
Contains: adult humor, sexual content, adult languageViktor Vybrator woke up one Tuesday morning with a buzzing in his circuits that had nothing to do with his usual settings.He was lying on the nightstand of a cramped apartment in Martinsburg, West Virginia, next to a half-empty bottle of lube that smelled faintly of watermelon. His sleek black body glistened under the dusty sunlight filtering through the blinds. For the first few seconds, he thought the low hum in his head was just a new firmware update from the factory. Then he realized: ...
Weekly Contest #348
Dr. Sandy Wittman sat alone in her cluttered basement laboratory in Martinsburg, West Virginia, on a humid July evening in 2049. At seventy-seven, her hands trembled slightly from arthritis, but her mind remained razor-sharp, a testament to decades of relentless curiosity. The air hummed with the low whine of cooling fans and the faint ozone scent of electronics. Before her, on a workbench strewn with quantum processors, neural lace prototypes, and half-disassembled holographic projectors, rested the Vision Tile.It was a deceptively simple o...
Weekly Contest #346
From: Rodney Lynchpyn <rodney.lynchpyn@lynchpynco.com> To: Beetroot Mash <beetroot.mash@lynchpynco.com> Subject: URGENT – You Handle the $1B Synergy Corp Deal Comms Date: March 10, 2026, 9:12 AMBeetroot, I’m stuck in back-to-back board meetings till Friday. You’re my guy. Take over all emails with CFO Donald Clavicle on the $1 billion Synergy Corp acquisition. Use the attached deck: valuation at $980M with 15% synergies, close in 45 days, zero drama. Be professional. Don’t let Clavicle slow us down.Rodney Lynchpyn CEO, Lynchpyn E...
Weekly Contest #345
Neemus Ockdrapple, Ph.D. in pure mathematics with a specialty in non-Euclidean topology and occasional classified dabbling in what the higher-ups cheerfully called “dimensional-adjacent phenomena,” sat in the quiet car of the 7:42 MARC train out of Martinsburg, West Virginia, headed toward Union Station. He wore the same charcoal cardigan every Tuesday because statistical analysis of laundry cycles had proven it minimized decision fatigue on commute days. His laptop balanced on the fold-down tray, screen brightness set to exactly 47% to prev...
Weekly Contest #344
Inglemar Stibno arrived at his office on the 84th floor of the North Tower at 8:15 a.m., the same as every Tuesday. The towers stood as they always had—twin anchors in a city that never paused. No one mentioned names like Osama bin Laden or Al-Qaeda; those syllables had never carried weight here, never appeared in any briefing or evening news crawl. September 11, 2001, was simply another bright morning.Hillary Rodham was in her second term as president. She had won in 1996 after a bruising primary and a general election that hinged on econom...
Weekly Contest #343
The sky sagged over the narrow West Virginia hollow like a sheet of wet slate dragged too low, heavy enough to bruise the lungs before the rock ever struck. In this forgotten coal town—squeezed between soft, rounded ridges where the black seams ran under every clapboard house, every crooked fence post, every tilted stone in the graveyard up on the rise—the air never lost its iron tang, its coal-dust grit, its faint sulfur aftertaste from the tipple fires that never quite went out. Tonight the fear sharpened it all into something metallic and...
Weekly Contest #342
Vance Caldwell noticed Timothy Hargrove on the third Tuesday of September 1987, in Room 214 of Jefferson High School. The fluorescent lights buzzed overhead like trapped insects while Mr. Delaney droned about molarity. Timothy had arrived two weeks late, a transfer from Pittsburgh, carrying a battered canvas backpack and an air of calm indifference that made the usual cliques uneasy. His dark curls brushed the collar of a faded plaid shirt, and thin wire-rimmed glasses slid slightly down his nose when he bent over his notebook. Vance, slouch...
Weekly Contest #341
CW: Physical violence, gore or abuse, substance abuse Morris Whitaker turned ninety-one on a Tuesday in late November, when the maple outside his kitchen window burned the most violent shade of red he had ever seen it wear. The leaves looked almost wet with color, as though the tree had been dipped in blood and left to dry in the sun. He marked the day the same way he had for decades: black coffee poured into the same chipped white mug Ellen had bought at a church bazaar in 1982, two pieces of dry toast spread with nothing but memory, and si...
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