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Weekly Contest #55
All adults do is file taxes, complain that eating hot chip upsets their stomachs, and lie.Take today for example. Mom and Dad told me we were going to have fun today as we got into the car.They lied.So I stayed in the car, tightly gripping onto my seatbelt because for once it was actually useful—it kept Mom and Dad from forcefully scooping me up and taking me into Great Aunt Margaret’s mansion.Yeah, that Great Aunt Margaret. The one I was named after. The one that’s like a hundred years old.P.S., that’s why we’re at her mansion, for her hund...
I tapped my pencil on the hard cover of So You Want to Stop Those Crippling Feelings of Loneliness by Making Friends: the Trilogy. With a nervous chance around the room, I shoved it under a pile of papers. Maybe I didn’t want to get in trouble with my boss for reading it on the job. Maybe I didn't want my colleagues to know I was struggling to make friends. Yeah, that was probably it.They’d probably be shocked. It’s not like I’ve ever had trouble holding up conversations at work. I’ve got plenty of work friends. But the minute I clock o...
Weekly Contest #54
“Can you not go so fast?” Damien, my best friend, asked me as we sped along the highway at sixty-five miles per hour to his parents’ house.He struggled to stay in his seat at this speed. “The speed limit is sixty-five miles per hour--so I’m gonna go sixty-five miles per hour,” I said.“Why are you so concerned with following the law now? Didn’t you commit murder three days ago?”I glared at his translucent ghost body. Big mistake. The moment I took my eyes off the road I accidentally started swerving and almost hit a Honda. Gripping the wheel ...
Warning: the following short story contains a carp ton of fish puns. Bass yourself. “Gilroy, please don’t do this,” Bubbles pleaded. “Don’t go making waves.” We bobbed together in large, black waves as the storm raged overhead. Lightning cracked down in the distance. Birds screeched at each other within the dark shadows of the forest bordering the shore. “I can’t, Bubbles,” I said, pausing for dramatic affect. “It must be done.” “No, it doesn’t,” Finley interjected. “You could stay in the ocean. Swimming forever. It’s what you were born ...
Jake Jacobs smiled at the camera lens with those so-white-they-say-salt-is-spicy teeth of his. “Annnnnnddddd welcome back to Second Chances! The game show where we pick three lucky contestants to complete to win a chance to use our time machine…” He pointed over at a big, bulky, glowing-green pod in the corner, “to give them a second chance at one of their life’s tragic events. I’m your host: Jake Jacobs! Now let’s meet our contestants!” Strolling over to a young, plump lady with a face full of freckles, Jake Jacobs said, “And what’s your n...
“Benjamin? How have you been?” Luciana squeaked as she clicked her way over in heels to her former high school sweetheart and held out her hand for a shake. He hugged Luciana to her surprise. “I go by Ben, actually. More fun.” His old southern accent from their hometown hung in the air, but Luciana had lost hers long ago. Ben glanced around. “And I’d be a lot better if we weren’t trapped in a white void.” Luciana undid the hug and sighed. “You can see it too, huh? I thought I just forgot to take my antipsychotic meds again.” She clicked h...
Weekly Contest #53
Bianca slowly pushed open the cottage door as I went over to check out the garden I’d promised my moms’ I’d tend to while staying in their cottage. “Ah, Pele?” She called out. “Are you sure we have the right cottage?”“Huh, let me check…” I eyed the colorful array of brown dead or dying flowers alongside the cottage. “A dying garden I have to perform necromancy on to save? Check. This is definitely my moms’ cottage. Mother once killed a two hundred year old maple tree just by touching it.”“Wasn’t it struck by lightning?”“Yeah, but we’re ...
“Look at us, in our old age, having completed nothing,” I said while laying on the couch at my girlfriend’s house. “We’re both nineteen,” Bianca said without looking up from her laptop. She knew a rant when she heard one. “Exactly!” I flipped onto my side to see her. “In a few short months we won’t even be teenagers any more—heck, in a few short days, we’ll be leaving for college together—and we haven’t done anything teenager—“ I glanced to the corner. “—ish. Teenager-ish.” She laughed. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Pouting, I sa...
“You wanna know what’s pure malarkey?” I asked Bianca, my girlfriend, as I tore through the packaging of a cheap, chocolate popsicle I had to buy at the local supermarket. Without looking up from her magazine she bought on the necessary supermarket run, Bianca said, “What, Pele?” Like she didn’t know the answer. She had been there for it. “The whole, ‘No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service’ line.” The popsicle melted and dripped a little as I started pacing around her room. Ranting suddenly seemed much more important than the chocolate withd...
So there I was, stuck in the blistering heat and a sweat-soaked summer dress, standing only fifteen feet from the sweet, sweet sanctuary that was Little’s Mama’s Big Ice Cream Shoppe—the only ice cream shop is town when the small was more than half a gallon of ice cream plopped onto a skinny cone that would scream under the weight of it if it wasn’t an animate object. But alas, there I was, foiled by my own shoes. Melted into the freaking street. “I told you making your own shoes from recycled plastic was a bad idea, Pele,” My girlfriend, B...
Weekly Contest #39
“Looking up at stars can be very romantic,” I told my Tinder date—I don’t remember her name—as I glanced at the stars above us. “It can be, truly, but it’s a very… um… situational ‘can’. But, there are times where it's not. For instance—and I’m just spitting ideas here—when they’re in the center of pentagons…” I squinted at the apartment’s ceiling. “Written in either blood or jam—either way it’s not coming out, which is a huge other nightmare in its own right.”She strolled over to be with two glasses of wine in her hands. I got the fullier o...
Weekly Contest #38
I’ll never remember the day she walked through the door. I’d like to say it was because the car accident damaged my head in addition to my right arm, but the actual reason was because back then, I didn’t care. However, I’m told it went a little something like this… Her knuckles softly rapped on the cold metal door of my music room, but I didn’t even bother to look before I asked. “Who is it?” “Umm…? I’m Amelia. Your two o’clock.” She said as she peaked her head through the doorway. I obsessively wiped down the keys of my mahogany grand piano...
Weekly Contest #37
I first met him at birth. Imagine it. My mother, covered in blood, sweat, and pee after five hours of active labor, desperate to get rid of the things in her uterus. I came out first. Followed by a stillborn twin. “I’m sorry for your loss,” the doctor said as he handed off my twin to a nurse. They ushered Felix--as they would have named him--to a cuddle cot while they cleaned me off. A little while later, the nurses came back with Felix and I… and a camera. Family photos were actually a common practice with stillborns. As the poor nurse grit...
Weekly Contest #34
Trigger warning: mentions of suicide and abuse.Text messages from xxx-xxx-8432 to 911Start time: 12:34 pm, 6-7-2020 Julie the 911 Operative: Hello 911 speaking. xxx-xxx-8432: I need an ambulance. Julie the 911 Operative: Can you please describe what happened? xxx-xxx-8432: I think my husband had a heart attack. We’re at 97 Greenville Avenue. Please hurry. He’s all choked up and red! Julie the 911 Operative: Okay. We’re sending someone now. Please stay in contact in case anything develops. ….End time: 12:58 pm, 6-7-2020 Text message from xxx-...
Weekly Contest #32
Only expensive fabric on a mannequin, but a blooming white flower on the woman you love. Her wedding dress cost half of last month’s salary. And she spun in it, creating ripples of white lace and sewn pearls like a daisy in the wind. And her smile. A smile from a feeling only that dress could generate. A smile I’ve only seen on our wedding day. A smile worth a thousand wedding dresses. A smile I miss. A smile I haven’t seen ever again. I haven’t seen any smile in a while, either. But, I don’t move past that day, past that moment. I just keep...
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