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Weekly Contest #343
The toilet starts overflowing at approximately 9:47 PM, between the second toast and the cheese course, and I want it on the record that I almost didn’t come tonight. I’ll get to that. Right now, Tyler’s sister is standing at the edge of the hallway whisper-screaming “the toilet is overflowing” as if any combination of volume and urgency might undo what had already, objectively, happened. Rebecca—the bride-to-be, the woman in the sage green dress, the entire reason forty people are standing in this aggressively beige ho...
Hey! Hi. It’s me. Obviously, you know it’s me, your phone does that whole thing where it shows the name, unless you deleted my contact, which… whatever, that’s fine, that’s a completely normal thing to do, I’m not going to make that into a thing. I’m calling about Bear. So, his vet appointment is on Thursday. It’s at four o’clock. I know you have that meeting on Thursdays but I checked and it ends at three-thirty, so you’d have time, but if you can’t do it I can do it, I’m just saying it’s your turn because I took him last time and Dr. Espin...
Weekly Contest #341
Dear David,A woman sat in you today and said she wanted to look "like herself but on a good day." Which is honestly the most devastating thing anyone has ever said in a salon, and people have said a lot of devastating things in salons. I gave her a trim and some face-framing layers and she looked in the mirror and started crying. Happy crying. I think. She didn't clarify and I didn't ask because sometimes clarifying ruins it. Like when someone says "I love you" and the other person says "what do you mean by that." Don't do that. Just let the...
Weekly Contest #340
This is the sixth time you've written me, and I want you to know—I'm not angry. Not yet. I'm told anger comes later, probably somewhere around paragraph twelve, so let's just get through the pleasantries first.You made me a barista in Draft One.I want you to really sit with that.A barista. With a heart of gold, a mysterious past, and—I'm quoting your notes here—"eyes that held storms." You gave me storm eyes and a job pulling espresso shots, and you thought that was a person. I'm not saying it wasn't a starting point. I'm saying it was a ver...
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