Above the Door

Above the Door

What if you had been told throughout your life that you resembled a well-known Hollywood actress from the 1960’s? That certain actress, Liora Hart met her demise on a hotel balcony in 1980 which became an American mystery. Was Liora pushed to her death or was she intoxicated enough to have accidentally fallen off the balcony? People made the comparison between the actress and a very pretty and young, but a very ordinary woman named April Longing. April considered herself plain looking, but she had long dark hair, brown eyes, a clean complexion and a profile like Liora Hart.

April was never ashamed about the comparison and as a teenager she was flattered because the actress was stunning, but still natural and down-to-earth. Then, as an adult in her job, the comparison became too much for her to hear.

“Wow! You remind me of that actress...what’s her name? She played the sister of...yeah you know who I mean.” a co-worker randomly spit out when he met April.

April smiled politely, but inside she felt the familiar pinch of annoyance. She was not attempting to be an echo. She wanted to be herself just doing her job and going home. She was in her mid-twenties, single and okay with that fact. She worked long hours as a paralegal, typing motions and organizing files as lawyers snapped orders at her. Brushing these snaps off, she kept going for the money. She was always dressed nicely in black or navy blue skirts and suits with professional intention, but a hint of allure. April secretly liked being noticed at work. Sometimes a kind man named Greg eyed her as she walked by his desk, but they had never spoken. April thought that if he wanted to approach her then he would one day.

At home, April did exactly what she wanted, when she wanted. She liked being single. She enjoyed doing what she wanted with her own money. In her closet was a thick binder she had started as a teen, filled with photos of the actress. There were movie stills, magazine cut-outs and vacation photos. April would sometimes pick one picture and try to mimic it while looking in the mirror. She borrowed the actresses mood for the evening. One evening she picked a photo which she wrote on the back ‘1968.’ In the photo, the actress was lounging poolside in a sleeveless top with her signature blue morning glory brooch, pearls glinting in the sun, a glass of lemonade in her hand and a closed-lip smile that April copied. April did not wear make-up or curl her hair, but she decided she would that evening to match the actresses look. She painted her lashes thick and dark and she arched her brows with careful strokes. In the mirror, she practiced the secretive smile and she saw a possibility. People might think this was strange behavior, but she did this all for fun. As you can imagine, April did not have family around or many friends to lean on so she leaned on herself for entertainment.

At night, streetlights cast long shadows across her bedroom doorway, the actress appeared in April’s imagination as if she were above her doorway, just her face and no body present. Liora was a shaded outline with a familiar profile.

She spoke. “April, I always wanted a simple life and no pressure.”

April listened and felt comfort in her words even if they were from her imagination. Then Liora told stories about her daughter, about a marriage that looked perfect from the outside but felt like walking on eggshells. Then she told about love letters burned in a fireplace and wanted to be loved without feeling owned.

April knew that these were messages from her mind and not real. Over the years, April studied her so deeply that her mind had given these messages a voice. However, these conversations felt real and she chatted along with the actress at night.

One night, the shaded figure told her, “You’re young. You have time for love and children and that life would belong to you. If you want that life? You have already chosen differently than me especially at your age. I was a child star and then I became an even bigger star. I married and I had my daughter. I kept working and then I died, None of it was as it seemed. I was sad.”

“Why did you stay in that life?”

“I had no choice April.”

Outside, a car passed, it’s headlights swept across the wall above the doorway and the shadow dissolved. April lay awake staring at the empty doorway. That could not have been real. That was not the Liora Hart. The woman had been dead for years. “Forget it, April.” She told herself.

The conversations happened every night only while she was starring at her bedroom wall, above the doorway. As the night sky became dark and her room was pitch black with a bit of street light on her wall, the actress’s shaded profile appeared. April never turned on the light. She did not sleep well with light and she liked having someone to talk with at night.

“How was your day?” the Liora asked in a warm and low voice like she sounded in her interviews from the 1970s.

“It was another day in paradise. You know, clients, paperwork and lawyers who think they know everything.”

She laughed a small laugh. “I knew people like that. My husband was like that. He knew everything, but really he knew nothing.”

She went on to ask more questions about April’s day. Then Liora comforted April with stories about her family, her early career as a child star and how she felt fame was like silk and barbed wire at the same time. April thought it was nice to have someone ask gentle questions because no one ever really asked April anything.

“Is this the job you want for the rest of your life?”

“Would you like to get married one day and have children?”

“Are you close with your mother?”

April answered these questions honestly, because the actress was always kind and she never judged her, Slowly April realized she wanted something more for herself so she started with small things, After work, she visited a thrift shop where she found a thick, gold vintage-looking bracelet that reminded her of the actress and then a pair of large burgundy sunglasses. Next she saw a blouse with a daring neckline that she would normally never wear, but she wanted a different look.

Later that night, April parted her hair in the middle and straightened her long dark brown locks with a kind of effortless glamour that might make strangers glance twice. April was pleased with her new look.

When April was in bed and the room was black, the actress became visible on her wall.

“You looked lovely. You look like me. I wore my hair long and straight and curly and short and everyone gave me so much attention. In those days, we had perms. I loved the attention. You will, too!”

“I’m just trying something new.”

“Stay true to what you want and you can never go wrong, April.”

The Actress Becomes More Real

Work became just a place April went and she accepted it for all the chaos it was, but at night that is when she recovered and the truth she had been hiding came out. The truth is that April wanted more and she did not know how to get more of anything. She never knew how to ask for what she wanted. April wanted a life.

Every evening, the actress gave her advice on confidence and how she can glow when people bring her down.

“Yes, I like that you are looking at your style and appearance, but your confidence is also about how you feel and thinking positively. I want you to know that you deserve good things.”

Then April sat on the edge of her bed wanting to know more from Liora.

“You are twenty-four. You have so much to look forward to.”

“Sometimes I feel behind.”

“You are real and where I wished I could have been at your age. Free and not famous.”

Then Liora seemed to slip closer as if she were stepping inside of April to live alongside of her. It was a merging of stories and a woman from the past finding a new life inside a present woman who felt that she was already somehow gone.

Two As One

At work, April felt new. She was more self-assured and more aware of her beauty in a controlled way. She walked through the office with a posture that had people turn their heads. She spoke with a calm, but firm tone that made even the rudest guy in the office think before saying something to her. She continued to dress with intention that expressed the parts of herself that she had never even known existed. April felt empowered and people noticed.

“April, you look like a woman in charge.”

Another asked. “Is there someone special in your life?”

April always smiled politely, but never entertained their questions because it was all for her and she was happy.

That night, as an exhausted April lay in bed, the actress smiled, but she did not say anything.

“Hi. Remember that movie you did where you stood on a high step and sang. That’s how I felt today. I was on fire with those lawyers.”

“April, you are special and I want you to know how proud I am. I should let you live your life. I don’t want to intrude. I have to go.”

“No. I need you to help me.”

“You don’t need my help. You have it all inside of you.”

The shadow dissolved. The actress was gone.

April fell asleep crying softly. She dreamed of Liora as a young woman standing on a balcony overlooking the ocean. The actress turned and waved. Then April woke with her heart pounding. It was morning. The doorway was empty. April knew she dreamed the whole thing. Liora Hart was never there. Still April wished the actress was there for her. April saw potential in her own life which she had never seen. Then she turned her head and on her nightstand was the morning glory brooch. It was real, solid and cool to the touch. April picked it up to examine it. The enamel, the tiny silver veins in the petals were real.

“What? How did this get here?” April asked hoping someone would fill her in.

There was no silhouette. No soft voice from the shadows. It was just April in the morning light. This was exactly the beautiful brooch that the actress wore in the poolside photo and many other photos.

April dressed for work and pinned the symbolic brooch to her blouse. She felt ready for her day and poised. Even though this whole mysterious, scenario was a dream, April knew Liora’s spirit would carry her through life. Then April heard a whisper.

“Don’t sweat it.”

With that, April smiled and went to work.