The Wrong Order

“Ooh, here we go.” Salvia’s hand brushed away some damp debris and leaves on the ground right below the tall sturdy elm that shot up and branched out to hug the other trees in the forest. “Ahh.” Her hand sorted through a cluster of thin, cloudy blue mushrooms; some of them losing their color, creating a gradient of murky blue-grey. She used her long fingernails and dirty hands to scoop the clump of mushrooms; peeling away the discolored ones, then tossing the rest into the basket.

I was just there to watch. I lay sprawled out with one paw tucked in and the other stretched out on the old cast stone table, soaking in the autumn breeze and gazing up at the overcast sky and dead tree branches. My eyes followed the occasional warbler or swallow jumping from branch to branch. I curved in to lick the shoulder of my tucked-in paw and caught sight of my saggy belly pouch spread out over the table. I wasn’t the taut young cat that I used to be. Some of my fur covered the lion mane in the Strength major arcana carving of a calm lady closing the mouth of a ferocious lion with her hands while an infinity symbol sits above her head. I laughed to myself as I thought of the strength it took just to make the trip back here to the forest. Then again, I followed Salvia everywhere. The round stone table was carved with various tarot features similar to the Visconti-Sforza deck style and had matching stone chairs. Of course, much was covered in algae and patches on moss from sitting in the middle of the forest for as long as a cat can remember. I could tell Salvia was expecting a package today because, once in a while, she would glance over toward the cottage as though she heard a noise. I’d grown comfortable laying on the stone table and hoped it didn’t arrive too soon. I knew exactly what was arriving, because I was there when she ordered it. Some might assume I’d be jealous of a new familiar, but I felt nothing. It only meant less work for me; perhaps a full retirement.

“Look at these.” Salvia held her hand out as she walked over cheerfully to the table. I peered into her hand to sniff the vibrant dusty blue mushrooms from a ripe patch she’d just uncovered. I let out a “mew” of approval. She inhaled an excited breath. “I know, Thorn, my dear. This is going to be a success.” She was referring to a potion recipe for a local client who had been accused of a crime. The objective was to create a forgetfulness potion to give to a witness on the day they stood trial. “I figure later after dark we could look for the violet mycelium. We’ll have dinner, and th--” The brass crescent bell rang in the distance. Salvia always put specific instructions in the package delivery: please ring the bell near the mailbox with the brass crescent moon hanging down. “That’s them. Are you ready to meet your new friend?” She put the mushrooms in the basket and wiped her hands on her long skirt as she hurried down the path toward the cottage.

I jumped from tree branch to tree branch along the edge of the forest back to the cottage while staring down at Salvia who walked down the path of the forest toward the creek. She lifted her skirt and carefully put one foot on a rock, then hopped onto the next object sticking out of the water. The scaly object winced, and up came a quick-tempered alligator flashing his jaws. He slowly lowered his jaw as he looked up and realized it was Salvia and she was going for the short leather crop she kept hanging from her belt. She smiled knowing the gator was alert and doing his job as she hopped onto another jagged rock sticking out of the water. Then she jumped to another scaly creature whose back stuck out of the water. Only this one was a little slow to react.

“Wake up, Artemis.” She took her crop and tapped the alligator’s back, then she jumped to another rock and continued testing the vigilance of her forest guards as she made her way across the creek. Lucky for me, the tree branches on both sides overlapped across the creek enough for me to use them as a bridge.

We met at the front of the cottage near the mailbox where the postman greeted Salvia to sign for the package; a large box with small circular air holes. Then we headed inside where she moved some stuff aside and placed the box on the table. Everstorm’s was the name printed on the box in a hand-drawn whimsical font with spirals and curls. The name was surrounded by sparkle and star doodles; below it said Your Familiar, Your Way in a contrasting minimalist sans-serif font.

I knew something was wrong when Salvia opened the box to pull the cage out and a squeaky high-pitched sneeze came from the box. But she continued to smile so I let her enjoy the excitement of opening her box until the true disappointment was uncovered and could no longer be denied. There on the table, in a small bird cage was an adorable, doe-eyed, bat-like creature. I saw the excitement drain out of Salvia’s face. She began sorting through the box for a packing slip, an invoice, or anything to render this apparent mistake.

She looked at the packing slip as she dialed the customer service number, holding her phone to her ear with her shoulder. She examined the new creature as she bobbed her head to the on-hold music, then gestured for me to grab a pen. “Hello? Yes, hi, I just received my custom familiar and it’s not what I ordered. I’d like to see if I can do a return.” She paused as the customer service agent spoke on the other side. Then she looked over at the creature. “Well, the eyes… they’re… prey eyes. Too far apart, doe-like. I ordered predator eyes.” She paused. “Yes, the vertical pupil and closer toward the center of the face.”

Her face looked distressed. I decided to step in and help by using my paw to wake up the laptop and pull up her online order. “No, there’s been a mistake, I know exactly what I ordered.” Salvia became defensive. I could see exactly what the agent was telling her because Salvia had in fact selected the wrong traits on the order. Oh Salvia, when will you learn to wear your glasses?

“Meow.” I tried to get Salvia’s attention before things escalated. I gestured my paw toward the online order.

“Ah, okay. I’m looking at the order now. It appears as though I did set the eye distance wrong. Oh, yes, and I got vertical mixed up with horizontal pupil.” She sadly glanced over at the creature again.

“Uh-huh, okay…” She stood sadly nodding her head. “Not even an exchange?” She continued nodding her head in disappointed compliance. Then her eyes lit up and she looked over at me. “Oh? What was it ca—, how do you spell it?” She grabbed her pen and began writing on the packing slip. “O, C, U, L…” she continued nodding and writing. “Thank you… No, I understand.” She hung up the phone.

“Ocular Verticalus. That's the spell to change his eyes.” She turned toward me, suddenly on a mission. I put my paw to the touch pad to begin researching the spell. “No, don’t waste your time. It won’t be on there. I’ll go out back to the library and see what we have.” She kept a library of dusty old spell books in what looked like a run-down shed out back. Salvia was protective and discreet about her spells and ingredients; as she should be. The sorcery trade had become competitive in our region.

“Keep an eye on the creature. Well, we should probably give him a name.” Salvia studied the creature as she thought. “Fallow.” She said this decisively, then saw my head tilt. “It’s a type of deer.” She felt to see if the crop was still on her belt and headed out the back door to cross the creek and search the shed.

I jumped on the table to study Fallow who was still in his cage. His large eyes glanced up at me while I pawed the door to his cage. He let out a squeaky, gurgly, growl which startled me into pulling my paw back. Then I hesitantly pawed his cage again, this time opening the small wire door. He stood with his wings drooped and his large eyes glued to mine. I realized he must be scared of me, so I walked toward the windowsill in the other room to look outside, occasionally peeking behind me to see what he was doing.

I saw him gradually creep out of the cage, then I heard his wings flutter as he jumped off the table and sniff around the floor. He made his way into the kitchen and sniffed my half-eaten beef paté next to my water bowl. Then I heard some wet eating sounds as his head went back and forth taking small bites, making squeaking sounds as he gobbled the paté, barely chewing it. At first, my ears went back as I heard this peculiar sound and saw another animal eating my food. But then I was glad he showed at least some carnivorous qualities. I remembered he probably had a long journey here and was probably famished. I calmly looked out the back window; my ears now pricked forward as I waited for Salvia to come back.

My daydream about retirement was interrupted by Salvia moving hastily back across the creek toward the back door of the cottage. A book was in her hand, but she still looked cross. “Dried vesper.” She said this in a sullen, defeated tone as she walked through the back door, wiping her shoes on the rug. I turned my head and gave her a solemn glance. “We can’t grow that here, let alone have the time to dry it.” She opened the book on the table nearby and flipped to the spell she had found. I jumped from the windowsill to the table to inspect the recipe. We both stood reading and contemplating.

Salvia gasped. “Dionaea.” She said this suddenly as though a light bulb went off. I looked up at her. She looked at me. “That’s who grows and dries vesper.” A devious smile grew across her face and I saw the wheels turning. She nodded her head while smiling. “You know, Thorn, I’m now viewing this setback as an opportunity.” We both turned around to the sound of Fallow’s squeaky snore as he had curled up in some rags in the bottom cabinet of the large cupboard in the dining room. Next to the cupboard was a pile of vomit on the renaissance style rug; obviously the paté he had devoured too quickly.

“Meow.” I purred in agreement as I rubbed my cheek up against her arm. Dionaea is a witch nearby who stole one of Salvia’s clients a couple years ago. We both held a grudge. I knew where she dried her herbs, but how could I get to them?

I pondered my options the next morning after my nightly reconnaissance mission to Dionaea’s revealed her dried herb shed was locked. Plan B was to go after some vesper growing in her garden. Look for the dainty white flowers with spikey red leaves. I sat in the distance perched on top of a fence near the forest, watching for Dionaea to leave. I was out of breath just from my walk to her property, but I knew this mission had to be completed. It was another step toward my retirement.

I pawed my way up the tall wooden fence that surrounded her backyard and garden. Then I climbed through some pale green herbs with yellow flowers, some billowing vines, through some rows of sage, until I reached a plant in the middle with tiny white flowers and red leaves. I froze when I heard a door slam from the house. I bit into the vesper plant and turned my head to gnaw on the solid stem. Suddenly, I heard a rustle in the nearby plants. I looked over and saw the straw of a broom hitting and prodding through the plants. Then I caught site of Dionaea angrily lifting the broom every which way in an attempt to herd me out.

“Scram, Thorn!” she yelled. I quickly tore a vesper plant up by the root and darted toward the fence. “Give that to me!” She caught up and yanked the vesper from my mouth. I continued running. I began to climb up the wooden fence but lost my grip. As she came closer with the broom, I hoisted myself up and climbed all the way over to the other side. She yelled at me as I ran away. “You think my owls didn’t see you last night!?”

Later that evening, Salvia brewed some calendula to soften and sooth the skin where a piece of wood had plunged into my paw while climbing over the fence. Fallow sat on the table trying to suck the blood out of my wound, but I hissed at him to leave me alone. Salvia gave him a fig which he sloppily gnawed as he studied the open spell book on the table.

The next morning, we couldn’t find Fallow around the cottage, so Salvia told me to look outside. As I searched around the side of the cottage, I looked up and saw a creature with bat wings flying west. I followed it to Dionaea’s house and watched from a tree as the creature puttered around her front yard. It was indeed Fallow, but what was he doing? Did he actually think he could steal the vesper? He crawled through the cat door and was inside for a few minutes. Then he came out with paté around his mouth, looking out of sorts.

“Hello?” Dionaea heard the noise and came out her front door. Fallow began heaving and soon the paté was erupting forcefully out of his mouth. He sat there shivering and weak once he was done. “Oh, you poor thing!” Dionaea rushed over to him as he glanced up helplessly at her with his innocent doe eyes. “Come inside and we’ll get you cleaned off.”

Some time passed and I heard talking coming from the backyard, so I tiptoed around the side of the house and perched myself in another tree to see what was happening. “There we go, all cleaned up, sweet thing.” Dionaea had Fallow wrapped in a celestial quilt with faded patches of various suns, moons, and stars. His cute face and big ears peeked out of the large quilt. “You know what helps with nausea? Maybe some ginger or chamomile... Let’s see what we have in the shed here.” She balanced Fallow in one arm as her other arm felt for the key on her belt and she unlocked the rusty lock on the shed. As she took the lock off and pushed the crooked wooden door open, I saw a teasing gleam in Fallow’s doe eyes. That sly little devil, I thought to myself as I hopped down from the tree and headed home.

Later, I sat on my favorite stone table in the forest while Salvia dug for mycelium. “Meow.” I alerted her when I saw a winged object in the sky flying toward us. Down flew Fallow who landed on the table next to me. He looked at me and Salvia, then opened his wings to shake out the dried vesper he kept in the skin pockets of his wings. Salvia looked at him completely flabbergasted. Then she walked over and gave him a kiss on the head. She collected the dried vesper into her hands. “We won’t be needing this anytime soon.” She walked toward the shed to store it somewhere safe.