Going Up

I’m late. I try his cell, tucking my phone between my shoulder and cheek. I’m not even sure I’m in the right place. I hurry my pace, shoes squeaking on the linoleum floors. It begins to ring.

“C’mon. C’mon.” I say, shaking out my umbrella.

No answer. My nostrils flare, the air smelling like a mix between burnt coffee and fresh lemon.

“Please answer the phone. Please.”

His voicemail picks up. “Hey, it’s Tom. You know what to do.“

Goddammit. I tap on the button to end the call, but it doesn’t work. I try again. Still nothing. It beeps.

“Tom?” I huff out a breath. “Answer your god damn phone. I don’t know where the hell I’m going.”

I press down hard on the screen, holding it there until it finally hangs up. Useless piece of junk. Why do I pay so much for it anyway? I toss it into my purse. They must have started the meeting without me because he’s not taking my calls.

Glancing up, the elevator arrives right on cue, the sound of the ding echoing off the walls. Perfect. At least one thing is going my way. The doors slide open, no one exiting onto the floor.

Inside the car, a man stands there checking his watch. He tilts his head up when he notices me, smiling gently, and extending out his arm to hold open the door.

“Thank you,” I say, shuffling into the small space, turning around once I reach the back wall.

The man returns his hand to his side, pressing a button on the panel. “I take it you’re here for the meeting, right?”

“Yeah, that’s right” I give him a small smile. “What makes you say that?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Just a hunch I had.” He turns to me and grins.

“Is it really that obvious?” I chuckle.

“Oh, heavens, no. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I must have it written all over my face.”

“Not at all. This building is closed except for the AA Meeting on the fifth floor. So, I just assumed you were here for that.”

“Well, your hunch is correct.” I smile.

“I knew it.” He pumps his fist in the air. “So that means, you must be Sammy.”

My heart skips a beat. Time standing still. No one has called me that name in a very long time. Not even my parents or my friends. In fact, the only person to ever call me by that name was my grandfather. But I hardly even knew his name and he passed away when I was young. I only remember we called him Pappouli and nothing else. Sometimes Mom and Dad would call me Sam, or Samantha when they were frustrated with me. But they would never call me Sammy. No, that was only him. An uneasy feeling forms in the pit of my stomach. Who was this guy? It’s not everyday you hear your childhood nickname. When someone sees the name Samantha on a list of attendees, they don’t assume that it’s your nickname. Unless…

No. That would be impossible.

“I’m sorry. Do I know you?”

I can see it, his expression shifting with the way he watches me as I put all the pieces together. The creases in his brow smoothing out, lips perking up, breath softening, and that signature sparkle returning to his eye.

“Oh my little Sammy.” Tears well up in his eyes, arms opening to me for a hug. “Look how much you’ve grown.”

I stand there for a moment, staring at him. Unsure what to do. “Pappouli? Is it really you?”

”Ναί” He nods.

I move, dropping all my belongings to the floor. My feet no longer feel like stone. I run. Run to him at full speed, my vision growing blurry. A warm tingle runs down my spine, laughter erupting from my chest. I can’t help it. We collide, his arms wrapping around me. We spin around in our embrace, colors blending into streaks of light. I close my eyes, letting my hair flow in the breeze. None of this feels real. It shouldn’t be. It defies all logic.

We slow down, my feet returning to solid ground. The elevator car comes back into focus along with his face. I take a second to catch my breath, the spinning sensation fading away. Pulling back, I have to look at him directly. Really look at him.

“But how? How is this possible?”

”Nothing is impossible,” he chuckles. “As long as you can believe in it.”

”Well, yeah. I know that. But how are you here? I attended your funeral. I watched your corpse get lowered into the ground. I cried. I grieved. You shouldn’t be here.”

“I understand your confusion.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “It must be hard to understand but I haven’t come to visit you or anything. I’ve come to guide you to your new life.”

”My new life? What do you mean?”

“Up there.” He points toward the ceiling.

“Guiding me to my AA meeting? Why would I need guidance for that? I’m already seeking the help I need. Isn’t that good enough.”

“No.” He frowns, shaking his head. “Nothing like that. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I’m guiding you to your new life, in the afterlife. I’m guiding you to heaven.”

My heart stops, the entire world tilting on its axis. My knees buckle, pulling me down. I try to speak, try to say something. But my throat turns dry. Words unable to escape my mouth.

”Look,” He takes a deep breath, taking a knee before me. “I know what you’re going through. I was in the same position as you all those years ago. I know how it feels. How difficult it is to wrap your head around.” He places his hand under my chin, lifting it up. “Just know that I’m here for you. For whatever you need. Answer any questions you must have.”

Saliva makes its way back onto my tongue. I have to lick my lips to speak again. “It’s not true. It can’t be true.”

He gives me a sad smile. “If it wasn’t true. I wouldn’t be here. You would be in your meeting by now, and this elevator ride would’ve ended already. But here we are. Still going up.”

“But how? I was doing good. I was making better choices. I was on my way to make my life better. I was going to be a better wife. A better mother. For John. For Jamie. They were the reason I made up my mind to go in the first place. How did this happen? How did I die?”

”Car accident,” he says. “You swerved off the road, hydroplaning due to the rain, and losing control of your vehicle. Unfortunately, medics declared you dead on sight before they even got you on the stretcher. You weren’t drunk. You weren’t distracted. You were just speeding because you were running late for your meeting. Unaware that this would be your last time behind the wheel.”

It’s all too much. Too much to take in. Too much to handle. The gentle rumble of the car shakes me from trance.

”No.” I blurt out. “No no no no no. That can’t be true. I’m here. I made it. I’m here to meet Tom and turn my life around.”

”I’m sorry,” he says. “But it is. You never made it inside.”

”No. I did. I came through the door. Walked down the hall and entered this elevator.”

”But you don’t remember what happened before, right?”

I pause for a second. My mind racing.

”Tell me.” He says. “Do you remember parking your car? Running through the rain to make it inside?”

“No,” I say. “But I entered. My umbrella was wet. I shook it out.”

”Your mind was creating that illusion for you. You didn’t park your car. You didn’t make it inside. If you did, you would have your keys.”

“No, I did. I did park it.” I glance around, searching for my purse. I spot it on the other side of the car. I collapse onto the floor, crawling over to it. Reaching into it, I don’t feel much. My wallet, receipts, lip balm, a comb, and loose change. But I can’t feel my keys. I lift it up, dumping the contents out. Everything spills out. No keys in sight. I scramble onto my hands and knees, sorting through it all.

”They’re not here,” I say, looking up at him. “They’re not here. Did you take them?”

“I didn’t take them.” He shows both hands to me, opening to reveal his empty palms.

“Empty your pocket.”

He turns out his pockets. One by one they all appear to hold nothing. “See.”

“This has to be a trick. Some kind of test,” I say. “A sick joke you concocted with the rest of the AA members to make fun of me. Where are they?” I growl. “Where are the cameras?”

He stands, turning toward me. “I’m sorry, Sammy. But this isn’t a joke. There’s no cameras. There’s no meeting.”

I flip my body, facing the wall, banging my fists on the metal. “Help! Somebody help me.” I scream. I punch and hit until my hand hurts, pain exploding under my skin. At least I can still feel something. Still feel like I’m alive.

“Sammy.”

I can sense him reach out to me, but I instinctively pull away. “It’s not true. I can still feel pain. I can’t be dead. I can’t be.” I choke out a sob.

The rumbling stops, my ears perking up at the sound of the familiar ding.

“We’re here,” he says.

The doors open, a brilliant radiance illuminating the small space. It reflects off the walls into my eyes and I’m forced to squint. I flop over, holding my hand over my forehead to see what’s on the other side. My Pappouli’s silhouette blocks most of my view, his figure painted by the light. His hand lowers to me, open palm up, gentle and steady.

”If you don’t believe me, let me show you,” he says.

I take his hand in mine, using my other hand to push on my knee to stand. My legs wobble, but he tugs on my arm, putting his other arm around my shoulder to support me. I lean on him as he begins to walk us forward.

Wiping the tears from my cheek, I can’t help but look at him. At the man who is holding me up on my way to the unknown.

“Hey,” I say. “Can I ask you something?”

We shuffle our way slowly toward the doors. Heading into the endless void of white.

“Of course,” he says.

“Why you?” I ask. “Why were you the one to come get me and not someone else?”

He stops, pausing right before we exit, a twinkle in his eyes.

“Because,” he says. “I was like you once. I was an alcoholic. I made poor life choices. And I died before I could change. Before I could make a difference. Before I could turn my life around. I regret my actions. Regret going out that night. If I hadn’t gone and done that, I would still be alive. Still be there for you. See you grow up. See you get married. Meet your daughter. But that never happened. And now we're both here. In a place we don’t belong.”

I stare at him.

“You made the right choices, Sammy. You were right. You were trying to make your life better. You were trying your best to turn your life around. You were on your way to the AA meeting. Sacrificing time with your family to improve upon yourself.” He swallows hard. “I envy that. It took guts. It took bravery to admit something was wrong about you. I just wish things turned out better for you.”

I don’t know what to say.

”That’s why I was the one. The whole family fought to guide you home. But only one was allowed to go. I fought the hardest. Made my case and proved I was the best one for the job. Because I wanted to be the first. The first person to tell you that I’m proud of you. Proud of the person you’ve become.” He hangs his head. “I only wish I was as strong as you.”

“But you are.” I frown, putting my hand under his chin to lift it up. “You are strong.”

He shakes his head. “No, I wasn’t. But you were. And that’s why you will always be my favorite. Will always be my little Sammy.”

I smile at him, pointing my head forward. We step into the light, the doors closing behind us, and we walk into our new life together.

The afterlife.