No salvation offered

I can sense the sun’s heat burning through my eyelids. All I see is a reddish-black screen, masquerading as vision inside my closed eyes. My skin is gradually becoming warmer, to the point of burning, painful discomfort. I wish to open my eyes and look around me, yet I lack the willpower to do so. The sea waves are whispering their eternal song, crashing softly on the shore in a monotonous rhythm.

Wings flap near me, accompanied by the familiar sounds of cooing. I’m turning my head sideways, away from the direct sunlight and towards the sounds. Grains of sand stuck to my eyelashes make it harder to open my eyes fully, but I eventually manage to open them and focus my gaze.

“Oh, a seagull,” I whisper, barely able to hear the sound of my own weak voice. The sight of a fellow life puts a smile on my face. The mixture of the waves’ soft crashing sounds and the seagull’s barely audible steps in the sand bestows feelings of sleepiness and relaxation upon me. Despite them, I decide it is time to get up and try to focus.

The moment I manage to sit, I almost lose the ability to breathe, and I feel my heart stabbing me in my burning hot chest. What an unbelievable vastness, what a beautiful blue, what an astounding grandeur! This is the same sea that has brutally mutilated my vessel, devoured the innocent lives of my comrades, and tossed me ashore, as if it saw me as not good enough even to be killed by it; and yet I can’t stop staring at it! I’m closing my eyes, trying to take a deep breath, and reopening them. Any endeavor to organize my thoughts is immediately met with failure.

“What is happening to me?”, I think to myself. The very sea that has given me and my comrades a sense of order in life, a source of income and a way of life, is now blurring my logic, distorting my focus and putting me in a turbulent situation, where order and clarity seem unachievable. My eyes are filling with tears, and my lips start shivering silently. Despite that, I somehow manage to force a little smile.

“Only yesterday, I thought it was ME who had learned to control YOU…”, distant creaking noises suddenly interrupt me. I look aside and recognize the wreckage that has once been my pride. “Sea King’ we have called you, haven’t we?”, I ask the ruins, as if expecting them to reply. My voice starts trembling, and the tears and shaking lips turn into weeping. “And look at us now.” I keep staring at the barely recognizable, creaking pile of wood and iron, seeing in my imagination the rotting, soulless bodies of my friends. Only the soft cooing and walking sounds of the seagulls around me, now three to count, permeate the creaks and the soft music of the waves. I focus my gaze on the sea once again.

“You, with your enchanting blue grandeur and infinite vastness, you’ve grown tired of our megalomaniac behaviour, haven’t you?”, I think to myself. “You wanted to show us who the real monarch here is, so you have brought upon us destruction at a level only a truly regal power can inflict. And, like a true aristocrat, you cannot satisfy your lust for torture.”

I don’t let myself finish my thought at once. I finally get myself to stand on my feet. After all, I have to do something! If I can’t bring myself to think clearly, I should at least try to act. I start walking from side to side, trying to remember at least what I’ve been trained to do in such situations. I look above, and my tired, tearful eyes get viciously attacked by the sun’s brightness in the clear sky. “Maybe they’ll send someone today”, I whisper to myself. “Oh, a stick! Yes, a stick… maybe it will suffice”. I run to the big branch and pick it up off the ground, ignoring its painful heat as I grab it. I wait for a short while to catch my breath before resuming my running towards the most visible part of the beach. I start inscribing the ‘H’ of the ‘HELP’ call and immediately turn to face the sea again.

“You are a real menace, you know?” I ask it. The sea answers back with its monotonous rhythm. I feel my eyes burning, and my head is already so warm it’s getting heavy. I turn my back to the sea again while murmuring to myself.

“I understand… I understand…”, I’m saying as my eyes are filled anew with tears. I keep working on the massive ‘H’, my muscles quivering with every movement, the branch’s weight heavy on my exhausted wrists. “I understand why you would want to teach us a lesson. You’ve grown tired of our disdain towards you, of our condescending ways. And if there’s one thing I truly understand in this world, it’s one’s wish to defend one’s honour! Yes, yes, I understand why you took the lives of my comrades!” I strengthen my grasp on the branch and turn violently to face the sea once again. Its mesmerising blue grandeur penetrates my tearful, blurry vision immediately. “But why did you spare me? It wasn’t mercy; regal creations like you have no mercy”. The sea keeps staring at me maliciously, answering with its menacing, monotonous whisper. “How long are you planning to keep me here?”

Suddenly, I recognize a familiar shape in the distance. I try to wipe the tears off my eyes a few times before finally focusing my gaze on the mysterious, dark silhouette on the horizon. Yes, a ship! My rescue! I feel a smile protruding through my shivering muscles, and I start slowly walking towards the water.

“Please, have mercy this one time! Let them pass through you! Please!” I beg, with a voice reduced to a little more than a rusty whisper at this point. The monotonous hissing of the sea’s waves is suddenly getting louder, more hostile. I gather all the strength I can manage and step onto the shoreline. I walk into the water, and suddenly I get pushed aside by an invisible force. Although I stumble on my left foot, I manage to regain stability. I don’t ask myself what happened, and take a step forward again. Once more, I feel as if something heavy has hit me on my right breast and left shoulder. I stumble back again, utterly confused, my eyes rushing in panic, trying to regain eye contact with the rescue ship. I’m trying to move forward again, but I’m stuck in place. I can feel the tears start clouding my vision, and my facial muscles shivering and distorting. I’m taking a big leap forward, filling my lungs with as much air as possible, raising my arms, and start shouting with all my might.

“Help! Save me! Help!”

-” Alfred! Alfred, you are alright!”

I stop, bewildered, trying to understand what I‘ve just heard. But, as the rescue ship’s silhouette catches my eye again, I renew my pleas for help. I scream more aggressively than I ever have before, while the sound of the waves suffocates my voice.

A sudden blow to my chest brings me to the ground. I fall on my back and look around in fear. The sky is surprisingly paler than before, with splashes of thin, white coloured clouds scattered on it.

“You crazy freak!”, a strong male voice shouted. He grabs me by my armpits, and I start crying. I manage to free myself and sit, my eyes following the monotonous, familiar sounds of the sea. But I cannot find it! All I see is a big fountain, looking vulgar against the small, gray garden in its background. My head is getting dizzy, and it’s getting harder to breathe. I try to follow the cooing sounds of the seagulls, but all I find is a group of dirty-looking pigeons. I start panicking.

“Help! Rescue me, please! Where are you?!” I start screaming again, and then I stop and make way for an outburst of tears.

“Leave him alone! He’s not doing it on purpose!”, a sudden female voice is heard near me. A woman in a nurse's uniform shows up in front of me.

“Alfred, we are your rescue, you are alright!”, she nods to the male nurse standing behind me, and they both grab me inside the dark grey building behind us. I’m completely and utterly flabbergasted. I’m weak from crying, but I go on with my screaming. There is no way this is what a rescue looks like.

“Help!”

“Shut up!”, the mean male voice yelled.

I’m getting dragged into a room. At this point, I have no more energy left to try and seek help. I’m getting put on a white hospital bed; something is being done to my wrists and ankles, but I’m unable to comprehend anything. The female nurse sits next to my bed and puts one hand on my right arm and the other on my forehead.

“How are you, Alfi? Talk to me”.

I turned my head aside to look at her, my vision still vague and unclear from tears.

“Where is the rescue ship?”, I manage to cough out the question out of my mouth.

“Alfi, there’s no ship. You’ve already been rescued, you are safe and sound!”, she says with a shining, kindhearted smile.

“This is no rescue, please, I need to get out of here, my head, I can’t think!”

-” Alfi, you’re alright, you go to sleep now, and you’ll see that you’re safe and saved after you’ve awakened, alright?”

“No… I need to be saved from here! Please… It’s the sea! Yes, the sea, with its vast, blue grandeur. It didn’t keep its promise!”

I feel her hand stroking my hair gently as a heavy sense of dizziness falls on me. My tearful eyes slowly close, her blurry smile fades, and I disappear into the darkness.