This is all my fault

Once upon a time, lived a boy by the name of Michael Ryan. Michael lived in a small New England suburban town, by the name of Winter Haven. Ever since Michael was 11 years old, he struggled big time with his mental health. He showed signs of struggle, even as young age 4, yet it was when he was 11, that it really began to take a major toll on his life. Michael at just the young age of 11, began to experiment with hallucinate drugs. What Michael used to self-medicate, actually made his condition worse.

Michael was in the 6th grade, when his battle with intrusive thoughts had really begun to overwhelm him intensely. One day, his mother Ann, drove him to Yale Children's Hospital Emergency Room to be psychologically evaluated, per recommendations of a concerned guidance counselor at his school, as well as his current medical provider.

His mental health was preventing him from being able to remain focused in the classroom, which led to him being sent down to the guidance office, and a call home to his mother to pick him up and get him some help.

At the time of Michael's first series of hospitalizations, he was living with his mother Ann and his brother Thomas. He had a father by the name of John, who resided in a town nearby. He also had a grandmother by the name of Rose, who also lived nearby.

Rose was Michael's mother Ann's mom. It was no secret that Rose and John did not agree with mental health care for Michael. It was also no secret that they had been extremely frustrated with Ann for agreeing with Michael's medical team when they recommended hospitalization for Michael. It was quite obvious by their reaction to Ann, that both Michael's father and grandmother were in total and complete denial of Michael suffering from any chemical imbalance at all.

According to them, all Michael Ryan needed was a change of atmosphere, and he would be cured of any and all symptoms he was experiencing. They did not witness firsthand the battlefield of Michael's mind, and how it caused him to suffer, the way Ann had living beside Michael every day.

The father and grandmother convinced himself that his anxiety was situational. That it stemmed from living with an extremely anxious nervous mother. Ann had been suffering from PTSD due to trauma. She had been abused for years as a child, then entered into a marriage where her husband who suffered PTSD post war abused her.

After spending most of her 20's in an abusive marriage, then her late 20's to now late 30's being bullied by her abusive ex addict stepfather and his enabling wife, her ex-abuser, her mother, it's no surprise that witnessing her son struggle with anxiety was not overwhelming for Ann. Yet. Ann was a fighter, and she loved her son and trusted God will give her everything she needed for the battle up ahead.

Ann decided that in spite of her ex husband and mother's threats, she would do everything she can to help her son, whether they agreed with her or not, that is their problem. Her children were what mattered to her. She does however have some regrets. The moment that her bully ex stepfather and mother started to attempt to alienate her from her children by bad mouthing her in front of them, that is when she should have cut them off from access to her children instantly.

When she finally did have the courage to cut them off, the ex-husband would undermine her authority and allow the children to see the toxic grandparents behind her back during his time with them.

John hated paying his ex-wife child support and he knew that the parents of his ex-wife were being denied access to their grandchildren and were furious with her for it, so he knew that if were to file for custody, now that the kids were old enough to decide where to live, that the ex-mother in law and her husband would take care of most of the legwork of parenting, and his new life won't change all that much.

John still had resentment towards Ann for having him arrested while in uniform and those reports hurting his military career. So he agreed to go into cahoots with the ex in laws to gain custodial care of the boys if Ann continued to ignore his demand that she stops agreeing with the psychiatric recommendations. He began coercing Michael to pick living with his dad, with false promises to never ever have to deal with hospitals or mental health meds ever again.

So, there you have it, two people who abused Ann for years, both her ex-husband and her mother and stepdad, then had the gall to point at her as damaged goods, too nervous to be a full-time custodial parent and positive influence in their kids life. Which was total bull crap.

They had their own selfish ambition for doing this. Rose got to take over being parent of her grandkids, since being denied access, and John, no longer had to pay child support yet still had someone else doing most of the parenting role, and he got to get revenge on Ann for having him arrested by in 96 for spousal abuse on the Marine Corps base.

Rose had another daughter by the name of Frances who had a five-year-old by the name of Rayne.

Let's circle back to the scene in the Children's Hospital Emergency Room waiting room area. Ann, sat there, all alone in that reception area, scared to death for her son's life and future. It was no mystery, that Ann could have benefited big time from a mother's love. A supportive hug, a word of hope that all will turn out ok, that God got this. That she is not alone in this, that they are there to get her through this scary trial in her life with her son. It is painful for any mother to know her kid is in crisis and its out of her hands now to help him, and she is forced to trust strangers have her son's best interest at heart.

The last thing Ann wanted to do was agree to have them hospitalize her son. It was devastating for her. But, the worst thing any person can do, is know that their daughter was already under so much intense pressure to do what others believe was best for her kid, but to add to that intense pressure and include a few demands of your own.

To see someone on the ground bleeding trying to gather the strength to get back up so when her son gets out, she can be strong for him, and you push her back down on the ground! Which adds even more insult to injury is that this mother placed on her daughter Ann was contrary to the ones already demanded and expected of her from his care time, putting her in a catch 22. A living nightmare!

Ann, had the doctors in one ear, saying that if she refused to hospitalize him that they can override that and still have him admitted, but she could lose custody due to medical neglect.

Then in her other ear, have her ex-husband and mother and stepfather saying that if she DID allow these medical professionals to have Ryan hospitalized, they would fight for custody and probably win, because she is outnumbered.

Her ex would have his ex-mother-in-law, her mother's support and they make more money than she does for legal representation. This was parental alienation at its finest hour.

Ok, back now to the scene at the ER. Ann had been trying her very hardest to convince herself for her own peace that the reason her own mother was not there to support her and hold her hand through all this is because she lacks the wisdom to understand a mother is supposed to be there for her child when her child is going through a scary time with her own child.

So far, she was able to trick her mom in believing something that could not be furthest from the God honest truth. That lasted until, in walked in her mother, right at that very second! Except, her mother had not been there to support her daughter Ann but was there to run to the rescue for her only other daughter Frances who was dealing with a crisis with her child.

A minor one. Rayne had stuck a pencil eraser up her cute little nose and got it stuck. So Frances was in a panic. Yet Frances did not have to go through it alone. She had her mother right there front and center to support her and remind her that everything was going to be ok!

So there sat Ann, not only fearing for her kid's life, but now receiving a rub in that it wasn't that her mother did not have what it took to be a parent, she just did not have enough love and concern in her to be that type of parent to Ann!

Instead, Rose stopped like a dear caught in the headlights, when she noticed Ann sitting in that waiting room. Rose looked at her oldest daughter Ann dead in the face, and said, " He is here because of you! " Then went on to say how she could have told them no! That she did not have to bring Michael there at all. She could have refused treatment. That all Michael needed was to get far away from his nervous mother and he will just be fine. Ann sat there frozen, speechless, no words for her mother who was just clueless and delusional, and extremely self-righteous in nature. Not to mention cruel as ever, as cold as ice.

Fast forward to Michael, now living on his own as an adult. Michael allowed his father to convince him in high school that he never had a mental illness, that his episodes were completely situational in nature. However, John did not keep him promise to his son Michael where he promised no more hospitalizations or medication being forced upon him from his father's end. Because when Michael was a freshman in high school, and Michael struggled with his mental health one day during football practice, his football coach started to wonder if it was due to trouble at home. Now the one people were pointing their finger at to blame was the father. Karma is real. John, not liking the spotlight on him, for his son's mental health behaviors, told the school that his son struggled with a chemical imbalance. The school asked that Michael not return to sports until he got clearance from mental health evaluation. So John, Mr. Hypocrite, sent his kid to the hospital! Ann was livid.

After so much time convincing their son that it was the mother's fault and a change of atmosphere would help him, is now struggling with the same mental health issues and complaints at his dad's house. Yet when it happened at his mother's house, the dad taught his son to blame the other parent, he lived with as the cause, yet when it happened while with him, now it's a chemical imbalance.

Yet, just as expected, it was all just for show. Because if John had really sincerely been concerned about his son's mental health, and finally on board realizing his son needed professional help, then when the doctor's recommended an outpatient program at Michael's discharge meeting, John would have been completely on board with it, yet Michael told the doctor that he did not have the time to take him afterschool and wanted his kid in sports. Had that been me, I definitely would have taken him to it. So imagine the rollercoaster of emotions he just put his kid through. Telling his kid after 2 years of convincing him he was not bipolar that he might bipolar, to put on this big show for his son's school to satisfy the coach's recommendation and remove the spotlight from him. Now we are back to him not needing anything but sports.

Ann was livid. She begged the doctor to force the ex to give Michael this outpatient opportunity, the way she had been force to do so when Michael was two years younger. She just began convincing herself her son may be better, then got the call he is mentally ill, and she begged the doctors not to admit him, but the doctors said he needed it that he was seriously mentally ill, now just a few days to a week later, and he is fine? Total bull crap!

Her ex-husband was such a massive manipulator, he really should win an academy award!. The father and son continued to bump heads, He was thrown out of the house on a few occasions, and he also ran away from home. He hid a lot of it from Ann, because its quite embarrassing after years of pointing the finger at her for her inability to manage her kid, bragging how if he was the custodial parent, they would be no issues at all. Now there are a lot of issues, much worse defiance then she ever faced with Michael.

When Michael was 19, his dad convinced him to join the Army. Michael in total complete denial of his mental health condition, taught it was environmental stress, like when toxic foster parents blaming the biological parents who have not raised him in years, except its his biological father who thought he can do better. Yet 5 months in, Michael was discharged from the US Army with situational anxiety, which he blamed on the 5 months stay in the Army. Just like he been brainwashed and conditioned to blame others for a chemical balance . The reason why Ann wanted her son in intense therapy in highschool instead of football, because her motherly instincts told her that getting a handle on his mental health would be a heck of a lot easier as a teenager than coming to terms with the reality of his condition as an adult. She was right now. Michael Ryan, age 30, just came to terms with the reality that he suffers from OCD, and just 3 years prior came to terms with the fact he struggles with bipolar. No apology was ever given to Ann for blaming her for her son's chemical imbalance. Now her ex husband was diagnosed as disabled and received compensation for it.

Meanwhile, although Ann does struggle with anxiety, no one deemed her disabled in the medical profession. She is glad however, that in spite of all the backlash she received from her ex and bully mother and stepdad, she never stopped being there for her son.

Ann showed up at PPT meetings at his school acting as an advocate for her son to keep him in mainstream education and let him graduate with his class vs having to go to a special school for kids with behavioral issues. She is her son's strongest supporter today, and best friend, according to Michael. Then End .