Up the Creek Without a Paddle

So, how did our Boise River adventure go? It ended with him storming into the house and me driving away in my car going as far from HIM as I could get. Let me break it down for you.

This was a chance to have an adventure while his mother visiting us in Idaho. I had gone to the store and bought what was advertised as a four person raft with paddles. It had to be blown up, so I had no idea if there was any inconsistencies from what was advertised. Once we arrived at the river, we unboxed my purchase and saw that this was not going to fit any combination of four of us. No one felt the sting of that disappointment more than me in that moment. We had two friends, their dog, and my mother in law with us. Our friends, who were much more experienced at this kind of thing, had a very large professional raft that someone might take white river rafting. They graciously said that my mother in law could travel with them. Thank the lord for their generosity.

That left myself and the husband to share my disappointing new purchase. By the way, the paddles left much to be desired too. They were plastic and light weight and I was informed had a cheap feel to them. The level of disgust in the product that we were using was being made known with every ticking second that passed by.

I was excited to get out on the water and we decided to position so that he sat at the rear and I would sit up front, because he needed the room for his legs. I’m not much beyond five feet so space is not an issue for me. Each of us had a paddle and we would stay to one side when stroking.

Things weren’t too bad in the beginning, except that there was a consistent attempt for my husband to gain control over both paddles. Tension was getting thick. The water started to move a little quicker. He was getting anxious at the flow of the raft and began yelling and digging into the water more frantically. The balance of the paddling was now off and the raft was no longer going straight. We were both positioned sideways and being pushed to the bank along the side. At one point, branches were hanging over the bank and trailed into the water. When I looked back, a branch had him pushed underneath the water so we quickly had to bail out of that area. If you asked him, he would say the he almost drowned in that two second encounter with the branches. Yes, you did just see me roll my eyes.

Meantime, the professional raft that was hosting my mother in law was taking on water. The two friends, dog, and her were using different instruments to bail out from a slow leak that wasn’t too worrisome. They hadn’t used it in a long time and anticipated that there might be some issues but it was holding air and floating along just fine at the pace that they were emptying the water. It’s safe to say that this was not the adventure that we had planned for the day.

Going back to our raft, when the husband decided that he was dramatically dying from the branches and misdirection of the raft, he became more aggressive with the paddles hoping to correct enough for the both of us. He even reached forward and grabbed the second paddle from my hand. One aggressive dig ended with a crack and left him with one paddle and the stick end of another. Most people would pause at the shock of what just happened. Not him, he became even more erratic.

Onlookers were in the vicinity and we didn’t even realize they were there. Someone yelled, “He broke one of the paddles.”

Keep in mind, while this sounds like we are braving the dangerous waters of the wild west, families are calmly floating down the river without even concerning themselves with paddling at all. It’s a family past time that everyone enjoys in the area. They have coolers with cool beverages aboard and comfortably take their place in the current without issues. Not us.

Now that we are heading down the river one paddle short, the raft is turning in all sorts of angles. Sometimes, I’m sitting at the back and sometimes I’m positioned at the front. There’s a small drop ahead that I would equate as a small step down. This is another moment that our accounts may be different. He reacted as if we were about to drop upon the grand canyon. There was a sound of water changing direction and flowing a little quicker over the drop but not a roar of calamity.

In a state of panic, he digs in again only to hear another large crack. There you have it ladies and gentleman, we are now literally up shit creek without a paddle. There is yelling and insults being slung among the two of us. People from a bridge above are pointing and moving in shock as they recall that we now have broken the second paddle.

After falling all six to eight scary inches off the small cliff, sideways, it was decided that I was no longer staying in the raft. The river, which created all this dramatic fear, was shallow enough that I could stand and be up to my armpits. I grabbed hold of the raft and slowly walked it to the exit of the river experience.

We silently unloaded the raft and started to load it up in the car. Our friends and visitor were not too far behind us and full of laughter, giggles, possibly some alcohol and did not have the same level of passive aggressive tension that we had. They finished their experience mostly dry while we were soaked from head to toe. We were cold and not dressed to fully immerse in water, because after all, this was a family experience that everyone did. Parents take children down this river every year. There’s nothing bad about it.

I arrived back home only to want to get as far from him as I could. I was so mad at the level of control needed, the drama, the absolute embarrassment from the onlookers, and the failed attempt at an adventure to remember. But truth be told, the others did have fun. The adventure sure as hell was memorable. And looking back, we all have our things that we react irrationally towards.

And that, my friends, is the story of why I will raft with anyone in the world…but my husband.