ECT Room

There is one place in this city, I never want to see again. St. Xavier’s Psychiatric Hospital in Baltimore is a place I promised myself I’d never darken the door ever again. When they closed the facility about ten years ago, I figured I’d make good on that promise.But lately, I’ve been hearing the voices ordering me to go back there. The voices are very persuasive at times.

“The nurse will make sure you have your prescriptions ready for you before you leave.” Dr. Fontane told me without looking up from the note he was scribbling in my chart.

“Thank you, doc.” I nodded as I stood up.

“Lenny, take care.” He mumbled, “And if you need anything, please contact us.”

“I will.” I looked down at my sneakers. I had worn hole in the toe, but I didn’t have any money extra to shop at St. Vinny’s. I left his office while was still writing a summary in my chart. My chart was thick. As thick as any other patient in Caldwell Community Mental Health where I have been a patient since I left St. Xavier’s.

“Wake up, Bassel.” Thomas opened the door to my room. Shirt and fat, Thomas Chan was the white coat orderly for my unit. Never known for his beside manner, Thomas got his kicks from harassing the patients.

“What now?” I raised my head from my worn-out pillow.

“You’ve been discharged.” He malicious chuckle made me hate him even more.

“Are you pullin’ my leg?” I wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth with the sleeve of my shirt.

“Yeah, go figure.” He shrugged as he tossed my bag on the hard tile floor. “Gotcha stuff and a voucher on the city transit.”

“Huh.” I took the voucher from him. I didn’t even have enough for bus fare. “What’s the deal?”

“You’ve been here for quite a while.” Thomas leaned on the window frame. There was a rusty metal grate over the glass to prevent the patients from trying to slit their writs on broken glass. “New federal law says no one can be held in the hospital for an extended amount of time. According to this new law, you have been here for an extended period of time.”

“Yeah, where am I supposed to go?” I scratched my neck.

“Not my problem.” He shook his head, “But if I were you, I’d go down to the Rescue Mission on 4th North Central.”

“Anything closer?” I rub my eyes.

“Nothing I’d recommend.” He squints as the sun roars through the window leaving a diamond pattern shadow on the floor.

It was a rude awakening, but I did not miss my weekly sessions in Room 111. ECT or Electroconvulsive therapy as most people know it, is torture plain and simple for those of us who had to enter the room for our weekly treatment. Before my time ECT was given without Suxamethonium causing internal physical damage to the patient, but even with the medication, the ride was still pretty rough. My first time through it, I vomited. I felt like I had been riding one of those carnival roller coasters when they came an put me on the gurney. One of the orderlies who wheeled me back to my room was Thomas who laughed the entire way. I failed to see what was so funny, but he told me later that I looked like tied one on at some dive bar.

The psychologist in charge of our unit, Dr. Walton told me that the ECT was going to be part of my treatment. He wrote in my file that I displayed criminal behaviors with psychotic tendencies. In writing that into my chart, the ECT would become a weekly occurrence. When I rebelled after three months of riding the roller coaster, they put me in the padded room and turned the fire hose on me.

“Hey there Lenny, you keep this up and they will do a frontal lobotomy on ya.” He chuckled as he turned off the hose. I felt like I had come out on the losing end of a barroom brawl.

I heard that Thomas Chan passed away from cardiac issues and I hate to say it, I went out my favorite bar and celebrated the news of his passing. My pap told me that it was wrong to be doing such a thing, but after over twenty years of putting up with his nasty abuse, I felt I deserved to do it this one time.

“Lenny, my man.” Dwight greeted me at the Rescue Mission door when I walked in for the evening meal. “How goes it?”

“I’m doing alright.” I gave him a high five as I walked in.

“Lenny, we’re dealing hot Texas Hold ‘em.” Mitch announced as he shuffled the card at a table near the kitchen door. “Can I deal you in?”

“Sure.” I pulled up an empty chair to the table.

“Heard you were in the hospital.” Andy shrugged as he spit tobacco into a styrofoam cup.

When he said that, I felt as if I had shanked, but I sat there as Mitch dealt the cards. I made sure I gave Andy my best death stare.

Hey, go easy on Lenny.” Mitch said out of the side of his mouth, “Fontane switched his medications.”

Even though I did not wish to discuss my current mental condition, Mitch and me went all the way to our days at Xavier. Mitch had gone back there once. He told me the place was full of ghosts and I believed him. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can see the faces of those who weren’t lucky enough to make it out alive from that place. Andy has no clue about how it was at Xavier. I glance over at Mitch as he finishes dealing the cards. He meets my eyes and I can tell what he’s thinking. We share a bond together that starts and ends with Xavier.

The first time I saw her, she was screaming as a couple of burly orderlies were dragging her into the ECT room.

“C’mon Beverly, be a good girl.” One of them bent down to whisper in her ear.

“Nooooo!” She continued to scream.

The other orderly kicked her. Her arm crumbled so they could drag her into the room.

“Appears that lady don’t wanna go.” Cecil smirked as the door to the room slammed shut. We were both sitting on the bench waiting for our turn in the ECT room. Cecil had been in that room so many times, he did not have cognitive material left in his skull. He shuffled his feet when he walked and when he talked, his speech was slow and labored.

“It does look that way.” I laughed knowing that one day in the not to near future, I’d be just like him. Watching him drool, however, was never a pleasant experience.

I was watching closely when they wheeled her out of the ECT on a gurney. She was one of the prettiest patients I ever saw.

“What’s her name?” I pointed to her as Thomas pushed the gurney.

“What’s it to ya, Lenny?” He chuckled, “You got hots for her?”

“I just wanna know.” I shrugged.

“Her name is Ella Botonical.” He glanced down at her.

“Ella…Botonical.” I repeated.

“She’s highly psychotic like you.” Thomas chuckled again.

Later I found out she was housed with the women on the next floor. If I volunteered for janitorial work crew, I would have a chance to see her again.

“Hey Lenny, you’re on the janitorial work crew.” Thomas Read from his clipboard, “Get your work duds on.”

He slapped me on the arm and went to find the rest of the names on his list. I did not dare let him see me smile.

“Hello.” I saw her sitting on her bed in her room.

“Hello.” She looked up at me.

“What’s your name?”

“Ella Botonical.” She sniffed. “Who are you?”

“Lenny. Lenny Drummond.” I take a swipe at the floor with my broom.

“So, Lenny, how long have you been here?” She stands up and walks toward me. My heart beat a little faster. She even prettier now that she’s conscious.

“A long time.” I answer.

“How long is long?” She stands near me so I can smell her comely perfume.

“Twenty-eight years.” I smile as she bats her eyes.

“You were put in this place when I was still in diapers?” She shakes her head, but she has a smile on her face. Still to think I had been at Xavier’s since she was a toddler gave me something to think about right quick.

“Hey Lenny, get to work.” I hear Thomas yell at me as he supervising us.

“Sorry.” I apologize.

“Maybe I’ll see you around, Lenny.” She nods.

“Looking forward to it.” I wave as I continue sweeping the floor.

“Don’t be messing with that.” Thomas put his hands on his hips as he shook his head. “She psychotic as hell, son.”

“So am I.” I make it sound like I’m boasting.

“Not like her.” Thomas chuckled, “She killed another woman in a bar fight. It took seven cops to get her into the patrol car.”

“Wow.” I mumble as I continued to sweep.

It would be two weeks before I’d see her again. When I walked into the mess hall, I saw her sitting at a table all by herself. The only folks who ever sat by themselves were the outcasts. I should know, because I sat by myself more times than I sat with my fellow patients.

“May I sit with you?” I asked.

“Suit yourself.” She held out her hand without even looking up at me from the magazine she was reading.

“Hi.” I slid my tray in front of me.

“Hi.” She glanced up at me, “Lenny, right?”

“Good memory.” I let out a nervous titter.

“That’s me. I’m brilliant.” She nodded as she flipped the page. “That’s why I’m here.”

“Yeah.” I put my chin in my open palm.

“Het-ha.” She put her hand to her face to cover her awkward laugh. “Man, it took six of them to get me down. Doc said that I’ve got a borderline personality disorder. Ah, just like my mommy dearest. She’s about your age. Maybe I could fix you up, huh?”

“Uh, no thanks.” I shook my head.

“Doncha worry none. She belong in this place, only she ain’t done nothing crazy enough like me.” Ella shook her head. “I hate this place worse than jail. In jail they don’t torture you like they do here. In that room.”

“ECT room?”

“Yeah.” She shook her head as she looked down at her magazine. Using her finger, she twisted a strand of her flat black hair that matched her lipstick. “I need as many brain cells as I can get. At this rate, I won’t have any left after spending a year in this place.”

“You get used to it after a while.” I assured her.

“I ain’t gonna be here that long.” She said as she flipped another page. “I got a little girl of my own at home. Her name is Tiffany and she’s with my mama. I got to get out of here before my mama turns her into a freak like she done me.”

“You have a daughter?” I asked.

“Sure. She’ll be turning seven in a couple of weeks.” Ella sighed, “I promised her we’d go out for ice cream, just me and her on her birthday.”

“You can’t get our of here.” I shook my head.

“Why not? I have a plan. I just need someone to help me.” She tilted her head as she looked at me. “Will you help me?”

“I dunno.” I bowed my head.

“Lenny, I want to be home for her birthday.” She put her hands over mine.

“No PDA.” I heard Thomas call out. Holding hands was considered public displays of affection and was not allowed.

“Is he serious?” Ella sniffed.

“As a heart attack.” I say as I pull my hands away as Thomas approaches out table.

“She’s gonna what?” Mitchell shook his head when I told him about what she told me.

“She’s gonna get out of here.” I told him as we continued to weed in the facility garden.

“They ain’t gonna for that. You know how this place is, right?” Mitchell pulled out a few weeks from the soil. “This place has no escape plan, you know that.”

“Yeah but she’s different.” I argued.

“Different how?” Mitchell leaned on his shovel, “She’s just as crazy as we are.”

“She is smart.”

“And we aren’t?” Mitchell lets out a chuckle that sounds like a slow leak in a balloon.

“She knows things.”

“Yeah, like what?” Mitchell sneered.

“Things, man, things.” I flapped my arms as if I was going to start flying.

One night after dinner, I told her to follow me up the stairs to the roof. It was ten flights of stairs up to the top, but I told her you could see the stars. Much to my surprise, she agreed and we hiked up all of those stairs. I found out about it when I watched Thomas one night after lights out. Before I was sent here, I was taught how to pick a lock. Most of the locked doors at Xavier were old and easy to jimmy open.

“What are you some kind of outlaw, Lenny?” She asked as I opened the door.

“You might say that.” I puffed out my chest. She put her hands on my cheeks and kissed me like real people do. I felt my heart flutter a bit as we began to walk up the stairs.

“What a view.” She gasped when I opened the door that lead to the roof.

“Tolja.” I shrugged. She went to the edge and sat there with her legs dangling over the side. “Careful. It’s a long drop to the parking lot down there.”

“Oh, I ain’t afraid.” She shook her head. I sat next to her even though I was a bit wary of heights. “So, tell me Lenny, how did you wind up here?”

“Police caught me skinny dipping in a public fountain.” I was embarrassed by my indecent exposure rap, but when she smiled, I figured I could confide in her.

“You are a rascal.” She touched the tip of my nose with her finger, “You wanna know what I did?”

“I guess.” I inhaled.

“Some broad in this bar broke a glass bottle and stuck it in my face.” She tilted her head as she glanced at me, “I got her with my switch blade. She died in the emergency room while I was getting stitches from the bottle.”

“Sounds awful.” I shook my head as I stuck out my tongue.

“It was, but they blamed on my mental illness.” She kicked her feet, “I was okay with that until they put me here. Lenny, I hate this place.”

“I do too.”

“I hate the ECT room.” She sighed.

“You get used to it.” I shrugged.

“Are you used to it?” I asked

“I guess so.”

“You’re better than I am.” She put both of her hands on either side of where she was seated and before I knew what was happening, she pushed herself off the roof. For a few horrible seconds she fell flapping her arms as if she was going to take flight. She didn’t. The sound of her body hitting the paved parking lot was one of the worst sounds I have ever heard.

During the inquest, I found out that she had attempted suicide on seven other occasions. I remember sitting there frozen in disbelief until Thomas hauled me up by my arm pits.

I got a phone call a few weeks later informing me that Mitchell Haynes had passed away. He was only sixty, but I think all that electroconvulsive therapy he received wore him out. I think the same thing will happen to me one day, but in the meantime, I’m going to pay a visit to St. Xavier’s Psychiatric Hospital. It closed a while ago, but the city decided to renovate the old building. Nothing ever came of it though. It’s just another abandoned building sitting in a sad part of town like an old ghost.

When I get off of the bus and stand in front of it, I can hear the voices telling me all kinds of things I tried to leave behind. Most of the glass has been shattered by people throwing stones, but there are still some shards in the windows. I pick up a stone in the dead shrubbery and throw it as high as I can. My aim is true as I hear glass shatter. Hearing it makes me smile, because even though this place took everything I had, I’m still capable of inflicting some damage in return. Though this is far from getting even, it’s the least I can do.

The following source was used in this story: Electroconvulsive therapy - Wikipedia