Hello, Goodbye, Hello

Mary stood , looking out her kitchen window. Sipping her morning latte, she noticed that the tulips in the yard were starting to show their brilliant colors.

I have always loved tulips, they always remind me that after winter’s darkness and loneliness, there is hope of spring and new life.

Mary allowed her mind to drift back to another spring day.Standing in her parents’ kitchen, looking outside and seeing her entire future ahead of her.

“Mary” her mother’s soft voice called to her.

Mary blinked and then turned toward her mother.”Yes?”

“It won’t be long, better be getting ready to go.”

“Ok.” Mary walked into her bedroom, She looked at the wallpaper full of roses, her parents let her pick out.Mary ran her hand over the coordinating bedspread with small pink roses scattered over a sea of white. Then she sat down on the edge of the bed and stared out the window. This is the last I will sit in this room, just like the tulips outside show a new beginning, a new season, today is the start of a new season for me.

Mary looked around at the things in her room, the desk she studied at, an old poster of her favorite christian artist. Child hood stuffed animals in the corner that she just couldn’t throw out. They belong here.

Mary thought how every thing she was seeing was a part of who she was. Then she looked at what would be the start of who she would become. The white taffeta wedding dress hung on a white silk padded hanger . The beaded sweetheart neckline and basque waist flowing into a full skirt with layers of tulle. Leg of mutton sleeves with lace embellishments. Today she would marry the love of her life, Mark. Today would be a day of celebrating becoming Mrs. Mark Anderson.

Mary had met Mark couple years earlier at a christian music festival. He was a friend of her friend, Lori’s boyfriend.

Mary was not thrilled with meeting another “prospect”. Lori and Ron were always trying to match her with a potential suitor. They meant well, but Mary wished they would just stop.

“Look, I appreciate that you are concern that I will be alone for the rest of my life, but you need to stop trying so hard to find me a husband.”

“ We only do this because we love you” Lori said, giving her friend a hug. “Ok let me rephrase this: “Please stop trying.” Lori drop her arm in defeat. Mary quickly gave her friend a hug, “ I still love you, but I am ok, God is directing my steps and if there s is “Mr. Right” on this path, then great.”

“Ok we will stop the match making, but we already invited Mark to meet us at the festival tomorrow.” Mary nodded “ok, last time.”

Mary and Mark chatted like two old friends. They discovered many similarities and some differences. When the festival was winding down. Mary found that she still wanted to hear more of what Mark had to talk about, even the silly things like his childhood pet turtle.

Mark and Mary caught up with Lori and Ron. “Thank you for introducing us”, Mark said smiling. “I will be taking Mary home.”

Mark and Mary went to a diner where they sat and visited over coffee and slices of apple pie. The diner would become one of their favorite places to have a cup of coffee and maybe a slice of pie and reminisce.

Six months after meeting, the two were engaged. Mary’s family could not be happier. Mark’s family adoredMary. Finally the day had arrived. “Time to get ready”, Mary heard her mother say.

Mary ran her hand over the dress one more time, her maid of honor, Lori smiled, “You are going to look so beautiful. This is a perfect day.”

Mary slipped into her dress and Lori fastened the back. Her mother aded touches of curls of golden hair around Mary’s face, then she helped to place the chapel length veil on her head.

Walking on her father’s arm she saw Mark standing at the front the church, tears in his eyes. Mary thought, I could not love anyone more.

Mary barely heard a word the preacher said. They repeated their vows, exchanged rings and soon the preacher said “You may kiss your bride.” Followed by the announcement, “Presenting Mr. And Mrs. Mark Anderson.”

Life with Mark was wonderful, not perfect, but both Mary and Mark chose to see it as wonderful. They both trusted God to direct their steps, and to grant wisdom. And when there was a disagreement, and there were disagreements they were quick to forgive one another.

Two years after the “I do’s” were said, Mark and Mary welcomed a son, Marcus and less than two years later another son, Daniel.

The two little boys kept Mary on her toes. What one did not think of to get into, the other one did. Their favorite activity seemed to be tossing out all the freshly folded laundry from their dresser and then stand int he drawers.Mary would scold them but she could not be mad, they were just so cute. Mary would have them help put the clothes back in the drawers, not neatly folded, but she was trying to instill some responsibility even in their young ages.

On one particularly hectic day, Mark came home from work to find Mary was sitting on the flor the boys’ room in the midst of clothes scatted about, couple drawers pulled out of the dresser and Marcus and Daniel throwing clothes in the air and giggling as the articles of clothing would come floating back down falling on them like toppings on ice cream.

“Whoa, what is going on here?” Mark exclaimed. Mary replied, voice shaky tears in her eyes, “ I am just too tired today, I can’t keep up with them. They throw clothes out. I put hem back. I have them help me put hem back. I have scolded them. I have tried to direct them to something else, they are just.” “They are just normal toddlers,” Mark smiling, interrupted.

Mary shrugged her shoulders, “I guess.” “They are.” Mark said, as he helped his wife up from the flor, “Now then, I will straighten up in here. Why don’t you go soak in the tub for a while. I’ve got the boys.”

Mark had picked up both boys who giggled with delight every time daddy would pick them up “Ok, dad is home and in charge, boys we are going to pick up our clothes and put them back in the drawers, no complaints.” He sat the boys down on the floor, turned to Mary and gently nudged her toward the door, “and you go, tub, soak, now.” Mary smiled weakly and left the room.

Mary had lit couple candles, put some scented oils in the water and slipped into the tub, Mary laid back on the bath pillow and just let her self relax. Mark is so good to me.

After about twenty minutes, Mary decided to get out of the tub and wash her face, and brush her hair. She looked in the mirror and thought she looked pale, maybe I am coning own with the flu.

Mary straightened the bathroom, and feeling somewhat revived, started out to rejoin her family. She got as far as the threshold of the bathroom and suddenly, blackness.

Mark had just finished picking up boys’ clothes. He had buckled the boys in their booster seats at the table, when he heard a thud, Mark quickly went down the hall finding Mary in a heap on the floor.

“Mary” Mark called, kneeling down on the floor he cradled Mary in his arms. “Mary, are you ok?” He asked brushing a strand of hair from her face. Mary nodded and Mark helped her to her feet.

“ I think you should see the doctor, you call them first thing in the morning and see if you can get in tomorrow. I will take you, Nana can sit with boys.” Thankfully Mark’s folks lived near by and the boys adored their Nana.

Seven months later, Mark and Mary welcomed a beautiful blonde haired baby girl, they named Willow.Willow was such a good baby. She only fussed when hungry or needed changing.

The boys were mesmerized by the new addition. Daniel adjusted to not being the youngest with extra hugs and reassurance from mom and dad. Marcus and Daniel still felt love from mom and dad. Soon the boys would help momma by going getting a diaper or grabbing Willow’s pacifier.

Willow was around three months when she started crying more and more. At time she was inconsolable. Both Mark and Mary would sit up and hold her and rock her through out the night.

A few days after inconsolable crying, Willow started to have projectile vomiting, followed by a seizure. Mark called for an ambulance. Mary frantically called her neighbor to sit with the boys till Mark’s mom could arrive.

Time seemed to drag and at times seemed to just stop and the world around them kept moving.

“Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, we have some concerns. We think it best to send Willow to Children’s immediately.” “What is going on?” Mary tearfully demanded. “Shh”, Mark placed an arm around his shaking wife. Looking directly at the doctor, simply said “Please.”

The words that the doctor spoke sounded as if they were under water but one word came through loud and clear, “Cancer.”

Mary felt herself collapsing in Mark’s arms. “When are you moving her?” Mark asked. “Within the hour.” “Can we see her?” “ Of course.”

The drive to Children’s seemed to take long time. Mark and Mary had returned home first, quickly told Mark’s folks and Mary’s folks who just arrived what was happening. Grabbed some overnight bags and quickly hugged Marcus and Daniel.

Three and half year old Marcus asked “Where’s Sissy?” “She isn’t felling well so she is in a special place to help her feel better” Mark explained. At three and half and almost two years, the boys were too young to understand the gravity of the situation.

Willow had been placed in the PICU. She looked so small and frail with lines around her. She was taken to the CT room.

The doctor did not sit at his desk, but instead pulled the chair in front of them, almost touching their knees. Leaning forward and taking their hands in his, “I am sorry.” Mary sat numb. “Are you sure?” Mark asked. “We were waiting for final lab results, the doctor said, “but yes.”

“Is there anything that can be done?’ “We can try to remove as much as possible but the tumor is in a delicate place, where if we try to remove it all we could leave her unable to function.”

“And if you don’t try to remove any of the tumor?” Mary quietly asked. The doctor looked at Mark and Mary. “ How long?” Mary asked. “With treatment and surgery, maybe a year maybe two, but she will deal with side effects. Doing nothing but treating headaches with some analgesics maybe six months maybe a year.”

Mary asked Mark, “What is the right thing to do? I am selfish, I want as much time with our daughter as we can get, but is it fair to her?” The doctor squeezed their hands and simply said,”there is no right or wrong answer. Do you believe in God?” Mark and Mary nodded. “Then lean on Him and not what you think you know. This is beyond any medical advice anyone can give you.”

Mark and Mary spent days making memories with Willow, not for her sake but for them and Marcus and Daniel. When Willow was nine months old, they decided to celebrate her birthday, There was no guarantee of time left. Each day was a gift and Mark and Mary treated it as such.

Willow was eleven months old and one night was crying quite hard. Mark and Mary knew it was time. Mary sat in the upholstered rocking chair, holding Willow with her favorite blanket and stuffed puppy, she rocked consoling her baby. Mark bent over and kissed his daughter on the forehead. Then he gently lifted her from her momma’s arms, hugged his little girl “It’s ok Willow, it’s ok for you to go with angels to see Jesus, we will see you again, my precious little one.” He placed Willow back in Mary’s arms.

He went and got the boys and as best and gently as he could told the boys to just give their sissy a kiss and say bye-bye. Marcus and Daniel gave their baby sister a kiss. The moment that was actually caught in a photo by Mark’s mom. A bitter sweet moment caught for prosperity sake.

Willow was sleeping now peacefully, If you did not know the battle her little body was fighting or the fact her breathing and heart rate was slowing down, You would not know what was happening. This was the actively dying phase.

“Actively dying” a term the hospice nurse had used. Janet was like part of the family for the last five months. She was one of four hospice nurses that would come and see Willow, see that she and her parents were as comfortable as could be. Janet fell in love with Willow and her family. “When time comes, call me regardless if I am on schedule or not I will be here.”

Janet quietly stepped into the nursery, gave Willow a little kiss, gently placed a hand on Mary’s shoulder and nodded to Mark, “I am in the living room with the rest of the family.” Then she stepped out.

Janet paused outside the nursery and could hear Mary and Mark singing children’s Sunday School songs, “ Jesus Loves Me”, “This Little Light of Mine”

Janet continue to stand outside the door not wanting to intrude on this moment but not wanting to miss anything either. She heard Mary say, “Mark, her breathing is really slow.”

Mark placed his hand on his daughter’s chest and then brushed her cheek, “Hello my precious one” “Hello my darling”, Mary quietly said. “Goodbye Willow, daddy will always love you.” Mary gently bent over and kissed her daughter. “Goodbye sweetie. Mommy loves you now and forever.”

Mark and Mary quietly walked up to Willow’s casket at the back of the church. Mary placed a satin trim remnant of Willow’s favorite blanket. Mary’s mother had taken the soft pink blanket and had made four small blanket pieces each one with Willow’s name embroidered on the corner. Mary placed one blanket piece along with Willow’s favorite stuffed puppy next to their daughter. Leaning over the casket Mary and Mark gave a final kiss to their baby girl, they turned and walked, arms around each other and joined their family.Marcus and Daniel were sitting in the family area, clutching matching stuffed puppies Willow’s and matching pink blanket pieces.

Mark and Mary planted a Willow tree in the yard in honor of their precious daughter. The blanket pieces and stuffed animals along with other memorabilia were placed in pretty boxes and placed on shelves in the room that once was Willow’s

Two years after Willow had died, Mark and Mary welcomed a second daughter, Megan.

The yers flew by, the boys grew, graduated hight school and college both had married lovely girls and visited when they could.

Megan had an interior design business near her family home called “Design by Willow”, in honor of the sister that she never met but felt she knew through the stories and pictures. Marcus and Daniel learned more about Willow as they grew up too.

Both sets of grandparents were gone, grandchildren, three so far had been welcomed. The circle of life continued.

Mary sighed as she finished her latte, looking out at the tulips and their bright colors, “it’s time mom” she heard Megan say.

Mary stood in her bedroom the one she had shred with Mark for over forty years. She ran her hand over the dark charcoal two piece tailored short waisted jacket and knee length skirt.

She met her daughter at the door. Mary prepared to meet her husband at the church where they had said their vows. The church where they had said their final goodbyes to their daughter Willow.

Both Marcus and Daniel and families met their mother just outside the church Marcus, Daniel, and Megan with their mother walked up to Mark’s casket. Marcus and Daniel each placed faded pink pieces of blanket neatly next to their father. They said good bye to their dad one last time, leaving their mom to have a final moment with her husband. Leaning over giving Mark one final kiss, Mary placed the last faded pink blanket from Willow in the casket, “Give these to Willow and give her a hug for me. Enjoy your talks with Jesus. I will see you again. Hello. Goodbye. Hello.”