Life in Between

Life in Between

“Excuse me, mind if I sit here?”

“Nope, have a seat.”

“I’ve seen you in here before.”

Yeah, it’s my favorite stool in my favorite bar.”

“It’s a nice place, not real crowded and the people are friendly. To be honest that’s kind of why I wanted to sit here.”

“I don’t follow.”

“Well, I have this kind of a situation, and I have no clue about how to handle it.”

“And you think I can help you out?”

“No, it’s not that. I just need to tell someone about it. It’s driving me nuts. I’m Jack, by the way.”

“I’m Paul. I might regret this but go ahead and tell me about your…situation.”

“Okay, here goes. A good friend of mine died in a car crash, or so he says. I saw him and talked to him and he insists it really happened.”

“So, this friend of yours, no offense, but he sounds kind of weird.”

“Yeah, I can see why you’d think that, but this is a subject that’s kind of hard to explain.”

“Well, there’s a full glass in front of me so why don’t you give it a shot?”

“Okay, here goes. It was almost a month after the accident when I ran into him, Adam, and he was still having trouble with everything. He said there’s no handbook for dead people. His obituary said that he’d “passed away” and was in a better place”. It even said, “He’s now with his Lord and Savior. Clearly, whoever wrote the obituary didn’t know that Adam is, or was, an atheist. And now he’s a dead atheist. At least that’s what he thinks.”

“What do you mean, If you saw him and talked to him he can’t be dead. Maybe he’s just crazy?”

“Well, let me back up a little. The whole rigmarole around death seems to begin as soon as you’re born. You know, be good. Be honest. Follow the rules so you can get into Heaven. Adam said he’d always considered himself to be a good and honest person, He said he lived that way because it was the right thing to do, not because he wanted to sprout angel wings and sit on a fluffy, white cloud all day. He couldn’t explain what was happening and he was more than a little scared. He said he realized that he was, well, a ghost.”

“Uh, yeah…interesting. And you say he just stood there and explained all this to you?”

“Yeah. The whole thing dawned on him just minutes after the accident. He said he was standing behind a tree on the side of Harbor Road, in the dark, looking at the wreckage of his car and his body was slumped over the steering wheel. He said it was like being frozen in time. He didn’t want to believe what he was seeing but he couldn’t think of any other way to explain it. The man in the car, Adam, was dead and the man standing behind the tree, also Adam, was up and walking around. He said he stood there and watched the police and rescue crew taking him out of the car and laying him on a gurney. He heard one of the cops say, “We’re too late.” and his partner reply, “It looks like he must have died on impact.” Adam said he felt numb. He stood and watched them attach a tow hook to his car while two EMTs put him into the back of an ambulance. In a matter of minutes it was over. Adam was over.”

“So why do you suppose he laid all this shit on you? You know how strange you’re sounding don’t you?” A dead guy talking to you and you just taking it all in like it happens every day?”

Ýeah, I know that. I’m still trying to process it all. I can’t tell this to anyone who might have known Adam and I appreciate you letting me ramble on about it. Go ahead and get started on your beer. I don’t mean to keep you from drinking it. I feel kind of strange because I only know you from seeing you here at the bar so many times. You’re always alone so I didn’t think I’d be bothering you. It’s like I said before, I just need to tell someone and I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to bail on me.”

“No, it’s okay. This place is kind of dead this time of day. I’m interested in your story and since I still have a full glass go ahead and ramble on a little longer.”

“Okay, thanks. So, Adam said his life had ended at thirty-four, or that’s what he thought when the ambulance lights went over the hill and out of sight. But he said he wondered, if that was true, why in the hell was he still walking around totally aware of his situation? He said the word “ghost” had popped into his head immediately and now, almost a month later, he said it still doesn’t seem real. Even after realizing his wife would be grieving and his friends and family would be in shock, his death, or whatever it could be called, seemed to him like it hadn’t really happened.”

“How do you know it did? It sounds like your friend is just making up all this shit to mess with you?. I mean, do you actually believe him? Do you believe his whole “Oh, poor me, I died” stuff?”

“Okay, I know how this all sounds…sorry. And I noticed you still haven’t touched your beer. You’ve been rolling your eyes and smirking since I started and I don’t blame you. Believe me, I thought the same thing when this whole thing started. Ghosts are for Halloween and scary movies, not real life.”

“So why didn’t you just tell him to knock it off?”

“Well, here it is. This is why I believe him. I ran into him at an ATM about a month after the accident…after he died. He looked totally normal, nothing different at all. But when he saw me, the look on his face was, well, he looked terrified. Hell, I was terrified too. He turned and started walking away and I yelled, “Hey, man, what’s going on?” He stopped and turned back around, and he looked like he was going to cry.”

“And you probably looked like you’d seen a ghost. Oh, sorry, that was out of line. Keep going.”

“Okay, but be patient, this might take a while. So there we were, staring at each other in a parking lot. I finally said to him, “Adam, what the hell? What’s going on?” He still looked like he was ready to cry. He said, “Oh shit, I knew this would happen eventually.”

“I said, so, you’re not dead.”

He shook his head and said, “Well, I’m not alive, not exactly. But I don’t think I’m dead either. I’m more like somewhere in between.”

“I was like ready to wet my pants when he said that. I said, “I saw your obituary when I got back from my trip. It was like a punch in the gut. It said you were killed in a car accident. If you’re not really dead what was that all about?”

“He said to me, “Look, Jack, I’ve been trying to stay out of sight until I can figure this all out. I’m trying to be invisible from Katie and the kids, from my parents, from everyone. Even you.”

I was like, “And yet, here we are, face to face and I’m freaking out. What am I supposed to do now, pretend I didn’t see you?”

And he said, “Actually, I’d appreciate it if you did exactly that.”

“And then he just walked away. Can you imagine that? It was like I was talking to a dead guy who wanted me to pretend it never happened.”

“Yeah, but he told you he wasn’t dead. I mean, like I said before, do you really believe his line of shit? Do you think all that is possible?”

“Well, I saw him and I talked to him. But I also saw his obituary. There was a funeral. Which story would you believe?”

“I see what you mean. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.”

“Exactly. So that day that I saw him I went home and Googled everything I could about dying and the afterlife. There’s a lot of crazy stuff out there. It’s like people believe anything that fits their predetermined ideas.”

“Yeah, does anybody really know what happens? So, after all the things you checked out, did you find anything that fit what happened with you and your friend?”

“Are you sure you want to hear more?”

“Yeah, keep going. I’m really curious.”

“No, I didn’t find out much, not really, but here’s where things sort of come together, sort of. A few weeks later I was home, having a drink and watching the TV news when my doorbell rang. It was Adam and he still had that panicked look on his face. He said, “Jack, I need to tell you some things.” so I felt like I had to let him in. We sat there and all I could think to say was, “Okay, no more ducking and dodging. I want the truth.” It took him a while, but he finally started unloading things.”

“He said, “Okay, first I want to tell you that I feel bad about getting you involved in this. I guess you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. You’re my friend and I never planned to involve you in my situation.”

I was confused and I asked him, “So that’s what this is, a situation?”

He said, “Well, yeah, and it’s my new reality. I’m in some kind of place that doesn’t fit anywhere. If anyone sees me, like you did, they’ll scream and cry or be pissed off and think I was faking my own death, and I wouldn’t blame them.”

I was having trouble buying what he was trying to sell. I asked him, “Wouldn’t they get over it eventually and forgive you and let everything go back to normal?”

He said, “Jack, that’s the hard part, the part that’s tearing me up inside. I’ve already learned some hard lessons about what happens when you die.”

I had to ask him, “Such as?”

He was getting really upset. He said, “Well, I don’t know what to call it. I’m not dead but I guess I’m deadish. I’m sort of dead. I’m walking and talking like before the accident but that’s all. I’m not doing anything else that I used to do when I was alive. I don’t need to eat or drink so I don’t. I don’t need to sleep or shower so I don’t. Hell, I don’t even need to use a bathroom. Think about that, Jack, I haven’t had a drink or taken a leak in a month. This is what happens when you die…or whatever you call this.”

That really gave me the chills. I asked him, “Where have you been living…I mean staying?”

He said, “When I first realized my situation the night of the accident I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. I saw them take me away in an ambulance but somehow I still had my wedding ring, phone and my wallet.”

“That part really sounded weird but I let him keep on talking.”

“He said, “I found an ATM and took out a bunch of cash. I went to that cheap motel on Eighth and Warner and just laid on the bed staring at the ceiling, night after night. That’s been my life. I’ve only left the room after dark when no one would recognize me. I was at the ATM to get more cash when you saw me. The damn thing wouldn’t let me withdraw anything. It said my account had been closed. That means after tonight I’ll be homeless so to speak.”

” When he said that I got a chill down my back.”

“So I’m guessing he was hinting around for a place to stay, like your place. Is that right?”

“Yeah, and I couldn’t say no. He was a friend…or still is.”

“And now you have a, well to use your word, a ghost for a roommate.”

“It looks like that, but I have to do something about him. I feel bad for the guy but I like living alone. The whole thing is just too bizarre and I don’t want to be part of it.”

“Well, uh, good luck with your problem, I hope you work it all out, but I gotta go now.”

“Geez, Paul, I feel bad. All this time I’ve been bending your ear and you didn’t even touch your beer.”

“Yeah, well, no problem. That’s life, I guess.”