BEFORE HELLO & BEYOND GOODBYE

BEFORE, HELLO & BEYOND GOODBYE

A Dream-Vision Love Story

By Carolynn McCully

A ‘fairy tale,’ perhaps,… at least in the minds of some. For me, a journey of love that stretched the imagination, unfolding as a once-in-a-lifetime experience. What happened so long ago still echoes through my life, as a reminder that joy often rises from sorrow. And to think, it all began with a dream-vision. The kind of dream that refused to fade.

The full meaning of the dream would not reveal itself until much later in life. At the time of this remarkable experience, I could not have known that it was preparing me for a love that would arrive unexpectedly, last for decades, and remain with me even beyond goodbye.

A Life Waiting for Joy

This touch of joy could not have arrived at a better time than at the most difficult stage of a failing relationship, when happiness felt unreachable. Bound by an early marriage entered before I truly understood myself, leaving me feeling obligated to live with a constant sense of emotional entrapment. Though I accepted responsibility for my choices, there were moments when endurance wore thin, and all hope felt distant. In the quiet hours of the night, I would lie awake, wondering if something more was ever meant for me.

In one night, my life’s path would begin a new and meaningful adventure, following yet another silent plea for relief, while whispering into the darkness: Will I ever experience true joy? I did not expect an answer. But this time, a most unusual occurrence unfolded before me within the world of dreams.

The Dream-Vision

As I closed my eyes, my physical awareness shifted almost immediately. A trance-like sensation came over me. It was as though my body had entered sleep mode while my consciousness drifted elsewhere, leaving me feeling detached yet alert. How strange, finding myself floating in a state unlike any dream I had known before.

Suddenly, a scene emerged, unfolding with astonishing clarity. Not the hazy impression of ordinary dreams, but with vivid colour and motion. It was animated with a life of its own. I became aware of a movement of pursuit, as though I were both participant and observer. A fox darted ahead of me, its golden-red fur glowing as it raced around a tree. Soon, the realization came that I was chasing it as a cartoon character, and no matter how determined I was, the distance between us never closed. The sensation mirrored my waking life perfectly, always striving, always just short of something essential, just out of reach.

Just as the chase was losing its hold on my curiosity, a slightly more profound shift in direction followed, one that required no explanation. Without warning, a soft sound emerged. At first, very faint, then an unmistakably, yet unrecognizable musical melody filled my senses as if a message was forming. My body tingled with anticipation. What started as a whisper expanded into a euphoric awareness; a beautiful, haunting tune drifting through my senses, lifting the dream into something altogether new.

With the remarkably expanding sound came an intoxicating sweetness, the scent of blooming jasmine filling my senses. I remember thinking at that point, even my sense of smell had joined in. The music grew richer, resonating through me with a vibrational warmth that both soothed and exhilarated.

A new phase opened to me just as the melody swelled, and a human presence began to materialize at the edge of my vision. A white-haired man, partially obscured by mist, slowly appeared. Too hazy to see clearly, but too precise to be a mirage. He seemed to be seated before an instrument that produced the lovely, probing sounds. Although the mysterious being's visibility remained vague, I felt an unmistakable connection. It was as if communication was taking place without words. Somehow, I knew he was responsible for the music that filled my heart with wonder.

I remained fully immersed in this realm of peace and harmony, grateful that something unmistakably human had entered. I let out a sigh of relief! The scene had deepened beyond mere imagery and would last well into the night. Unlike other dreams, this one did not easily fade from memory.

There had been no recognition or recollection of this dream person, aside from a peculiar sense of familiarity. I had struggled to get a closer look at the figure behind the fog-like curtain, yet no matter how hard I tried, it remained veiled. I eventually had to accept defeat, overriding any curiosity about who he might be or represent.

I know not how long, I remained entirely captivated, giving in to the music's harmony, filling every fibre of my being. I was so lost in such pleasing energy that I was incapable of measuring the length of time being enraptured, unwilling for it to end. After what seemed like hours had passed, it was time to open my eyes. And sure enough, as I did so, the vision abruptly disappeared.

The Dream That Stayed

After that night, something inside me changed. Though life continued to challenge me, the memory of the dream alone became a quiet source of strength. Whenever I recalled the music, a gentle euphoric moment of happiness returned, convincing me that better days lay ahead. I felt that even if the clarity of sound faded, as memory often does, it would remain in my mind as something to be forever cherished.

The Fog Clearing

Years passed until, following the end of my marriage, I reluctantly accompanied a friend to a singles dance. I felt awkward and out of place, standing at the edge of the dance floor, watching others with no real desire to participate. It would take a few years more before I would fully understand how this moment had prepared me for what was to come.

While standing alone, lost in hazy thinking, I just wanted to get out of here, wondering how to make my escape. I suddenly heard a familiar voice nearby and recognized it immediately as one of my daughter’s friends from school. She spoke in a strong Scottish brogue, “Da, look over there, that is Ellen’s ma.” Moments later, a man approached me as if stepping out of a fog encircled with an air of familiarity. Something was intriguing about his stature and white hair. With a shy smile, he asked me to dance. I accepted without hesitation, though I couldn’t explain why

The moment our hands touched, a strange, warm energy surged through me. It was deep and steady, intensifying as we danced. We barely spoke, yet a sense of comfort settled in, as though something long forgotten had been found.

We danced a few dances in silence. I felt quite at ease, enjoying the embrace that overrode my anxious thoughts about what to do if he started asking me questions. I didn't know why, but I had the impression that he, too, was feeling awkward. As our last dance ended, I was asked to accompany him and his daughter to a local pub. I declined, sensing at the time I had closed a door, bringing an end to the lovely connection. By no means was that the end.

When Fate Stepped Forward

I could never have imagined that I would live my vision in real time. The dream returned quietly as I sat in a comfortable armchair beside a stereo, watching this dear, sweet man sitting close by on a stool, adjusting the sound with careful focus. So close that I could easily reach out and touch his shoulder. As I observed him, a thought surfaced. Why does this feel so familiar? When the music filled the room, it caught my breath in astonishment, giving way to recognition as a familiar sound washed over me, filling my senses once more. It was the music of my dreams, only now, unmistakably real.

Unknowingly, at that time, this awareness was just the beginning of something wonderful. In a mere moment, I experienced what I could describe as the in-between stage of becoming, which, in an instant, morphed into something beautiful and free. Much like the life of a butterfly, it suddenly realizes it could fly. I immediately understood that the timing of the first meeting was not yet right for either of us, as there was still more self-learning and growing to take place before we could fully enter our eventual, perhaps even fated connection.

In that moment, recognition washed over me. The fog had lifted. I knew, without question, that I was living the dream I had once only witnessed in the world of dreams. As the music played on, enchantment bloomed, echoing the joy I had felt so long ago while lying in bed, eyes closed, heart open.

Before the night ended, when he knelt beside me and asked if I would stay, there was no hesitation, knowing I was exactly where I was meant to be. From that moment on, we were inseparable.

A Moment Beyond Loss

Many years later, during a time of profound mourning, our shared connection returned in a way I can only describe as an extension of my dream-vision. It came after I once more cried out in the silence of the night, needing reassurance that he was at peace and that my own pain would soften with time.

I awoke to the sound of my name spoken softly. Though my body lay still, I felt his calm, familiar and unmistakable presence beside me. There was no fear, no questioning, only a deep sense of recognition and comfort as if love itself had returned briefly to steady me. The embracing moment carried a certainty beyond words, leaving me with the profound knowing that all is well.

I do not pretend to understand how such moments occur, nor do I try to define them. What I know, without doubt, is that the love we shared was not bound by form or time. In that quiet moment beyond loss, I recognized him as surely as I had before our hello and just as surely after our goodbye.

Until We Meet Again

I feel blessed beyond measure knowing that true happiness is possible. It not only comes in dreams but in life itself, especially between our hello and goodbye. I am sure my dream prepared me and helped me open my heart to all that love brings, including the unexpected. It is hard to believe it has ended, lasting truly until death do us part and beyond, as I said goodbye to the love of my life. Although I walk alone once more, I do so with gratitude, waiting patiently until we meet again. When we do, I am sure the music will be divine. And to think…it all started with an unexpected dream.

A ‘fairy tale,’ perhaps,... at least in the minds of some. But one that was gloriously, undeniably real.